First of all, let me start by saying that this was a very interesting story. It kept my attention and made me want to know more, and I feel like, for the most part, you did a very good job of keeping the characters in character, although I'm not extremely familiar with the Hunger Games book series past book one.

Here's a breakdown.

Opening

The opening was okay. The whole story was short, and almost no time was wasted getting to the plot. One suggestion I might make, though, would be to include some hint or eye-catching piece of information in the very first line. As it stands, it didn't take long to get to the action, but you might be able to strengthen your opening by including something interesting in the very first line, especially for readers who skim stories to decide if they want to read them.

Ending

I definitely want to know more. Is Peeta going to successfully join the Careers and protect Katniss, or are his plans going to go horribly wrong?

Dialogue

The dialogue seemed natural and in character for both Peeta and Haymitch. I also like the way you ended the story with its title in the dialogue.

Characters

You managed to tell us a lot in under 800 words. Peeta is willing to give his life for Katniss, and it appears Haymitch will do almost as much for good wine. It shows both the determination of Peeta and the apathy of his mentor.

Relationships

According to the story that has been set up, the relationship between the characters is credible. Haymitch is the drunken uncaring mentor who does things to suit himself. Peeta is the kind caring young man who will do anything for his childhood friend and current love interest Katniss, and Katniss is the headstrong young woman who is brave and overly confident. You told us a lot in under 800 words.

Writing

The dialogue flows well and fits the piece, and, for the most part, the accompanying description goes with it nicely. The descriptions felt organic and weren't overly ornate or difficult to follow. You might be able to add a few more, though, to give us an even better idea of how the characters are feeling and reacting.

Spelling/Grammar

I did not find any significant spelling or grammar errors that distracted me from this piece.

Enjoyment

This piece left me wanting to know more. What is Peeta going to do?

POV

I think Peeta is a great POV character for this short piece. You really capture his mood, and his feelings about the situation.

Plot

I feel like the plot of this piece worked well. It's executed correctly, and although it's familiar, it does not come off as cliched or overused.

Pace

This story is moving quickly, but you still managed to build suspense. The action felt natural and not rushed.

Wow. Just wow. This piece is a close to flawless from a SPaG standpoint as just about any fic I've ever seen. (And as an English teacher's kid, I'm freaking picky.) Since I wasn't distracted by errors, I was able to really get into this little scene. And it was adorable, original...I'm really not sure what else to say about this most impeccable fic. My one complaint: It was so short, and I want to read more!

Thanks for writing.
-Puck

Compliments: It was a nice change to read something in Peeta's POV. His point of view should be different than Katniss's detached thoughts in the book, which is rarely done. Here, you managed to make his speech and thought patterns entirely different. Peeta's flashbacks and emotional torment were well written. The implication of Career torture is also a nice addition. Also, his statements that Katniss's obliviousness to his feelings were was fine was a good touch, which makes it more bittersweet that he actually thought she was falling for him in the games.
criticism: Haymitch and Peeta are mostly in character, although a few minor things strike me as a bit off. When Haymitch is asking about his forced abstinence, I think he'd sound bemused or mockingly triumphant, instead of hopeful. Hopeful implies puppy dog.
In my opinion, there were a few scenes that, although correct, could have been re-arranged to give a more lasting impact. For example, "A beam of sunlight breaking through storm clouds; that was what the dawning comprehension in Haymitch's Seam gray eyes looked like."

Right away the first paragraph here seems a little dull. It seems like your trying to set a… I don't know honestly. Dark corridors lit by security lights can set the tone for many different tones but only with other stuff to follow. Not necessarily other details but more just word choice. The first paragraph is most important to set the tone for the entire story and the only really powerful words I find here is 'illuminated' and 'grim' which when used to set the tone are completely contradictory to each other.

"A beam of sunlight breaking through the storm clouds." I didn't realize I was reading a poem. I like poems but poetry and short stories should be kept separate. You want to avoid using overly poetic terms in your Fanfictions unless you are actually intending to right a poem.

I've seen this in a few different ways with how Peeta got in with the Careers but this was surprisingly the only way I've seen it done like this. The only time I've seen Haymitch actually know before the arena.

"They really do after the interview"? I love the Hunger Games and since you cut the love thing out as the reason I'm trying to figure out how exactly she made them hate her in her own interview. I suppose… well… hope your going to tell me later on but at this point it's a little annoying.

All in all, I'm not exactly sure what drove me to read this since though I love the Hunger Games I'm definitely not a KatnissXPeeta fan (not Team Gale though I'm more Team Katniss (her being alone as she had always wanted to be)) but I'm glad I did. It wasn't all making out and all that gross stuff. It was more of the emotional side of love instead of the physical side which made it a lot more interesting than the latter.

I love this glimpse into how Peeta wriggled in with the careers.

Your use of the term “hotel corridor” in the opening line kind of throws me off. I'm assuming this is set in the training center where everything, from their arrival in the Capitol to the beginning of the Games, occurs. The word 'hotel' just seems foreign to Panem, it kind of jolts me out of the continuity. I think simply saying “in the corridor” puts your reader in the same place with Peeta without using the seemingly alien term 'hotel': not sure that it really is an alien term to Panem, but the whole concept of a hotel just doesn't seem to fit the landscape and social structure.

You do a wonderful job here of painting Haymitch as a man with a sickness:

“The change in Haymitch's Seam-grey eyes as they fixed on the bottle was like a beam of sunlight breaking through storm clouds.”

but more than that; of showing the clear flashes of his character that is the reason we can all know that Haymitch is sick but we can all still love him so much:

“His mentor shook his head, concerned for the fate of both of his charges...”

I really like that you use the same flash of memory that was sort of repeated and drawn out throughout the first film, the flashback of the hungry girl in the rain, and the smitten boy throwing caution to the wind and loaves to his crush.

I also think you've done a wonderful job here with Peeta, painting his dedication to Katniss and the sort of single minded focus that really summarizes the character.

SPAG:

I think that “complementary robe” should be “complimentary robe”

Ahh this was BEAUTIFUL.

I love it when fanfics incorporate little bits and pieces of world-building, so this scene was like candy, since it was pretty much ALL world-building. You created a scene that fits easily in the canon plot line, but that we never had the chance to see. Everything about it (the dialogue, the characterization, the plot) WORKS.

First off, your characterization of both Peeta and Haymitch is SPOT ON. Little lines like "resisting the impulse to down the liquid in one gulp" tell us so much about the characters in so few words. I especially liked the ending, when Peeta thinks about the time he helped Katniss is the rain, and how he uses that memory to strengthen his decision. You've told us that Peeta is a) brave b) in love with Katniss and c) selfless in two short sentences. That's a talent, my friend.

The dialogue between Haymitch and Peeta is completely believable. Peeta is (as per usual) to most likable person in the world, whereas Haymitch is Mr. Gruff/grumpy. I also like Peeta's formulation and reasoning of his plan, and how he explains his decision to team up with the careers in a way that makes sense.

Overall, I thought this was a really wonderful piece of writing. Keep up the good work! Write more for HG, will ya? :D
xx Nina

Alright, I'm going to hop in with the note that the reason I chose this one is because I'm really familiar with the fandom, so I figured I could be most helpful here. I really hope you don't mind if this isn't one of your preferred fics.

On that note...Sweet mother of chickens. THIS. First of all, I just want to say that you seriously captured the entire mood of the Games in this one, short little piece. And it is absolutely amazing. That is a serious feat in my book, and you accomplished it. KUDOS.

Your dialogue in here is really natural - it's got this great, solemn tone to it that sounds completely normal, and none of it is in any way forced. I really have to hand it to you for doing that.

Also, the brevity in this piece was pretty amazing - I loved the way that you went through and captured a lot of emotions, especially the emotions of beauty in pain, in not a lot of words. Your descriptions were succinct and well written, and you painted an image in the reader's mind without ever overdoing it. Very nice work.

And, now that general commentary in here is done, I guess I should move onto more fandom specific commentary, such as how amazingly well you kept the people in character. I love this bit in the beginning, where Haymitch is yelling at Peeta to go away, then answers the door grumpily. Your description of this and writing of his reaction is both golden and flawless. Well done.

The detail of Peeta using the liquor as a bargaining chip to gain audience with Haymitch is well placed. It's very in character of Peeta to be doing something that maybe he wouldn't personally condone for the sake of possibly saving Katniss' life.

This somewhat stunned realization by Haymitch that Peeta wasn't just saying he loved her is absolutely tragic, in my mind. He's realizing this just before he's about to unwillingly throw pretty much the only two people he's let get anywhere close to him in twenty five years into what is almost certainly going to be their death, and he can't do anything about it except try and bring one of them home.

The idea of Peeta almost pleading with Haymitch to come up with something, ANYTHING that will protect Katniss is absolutely heartbreaking. You really showcase his absolute devotion to Katniss, especially when Haymitch resignedly starts to agree and keeps warning him of consequences. The fact that he so completely disregards the weight of these repercussions for the sake of trying to save her... Perfect.

All in all, this piece was amazing. Characterization was not only spot on, but also beautiful, as was the writing style and the emotions you poured into this piece. You really captured the tragedy of these characters well without over or underwriting anything. Absolutely perfect, Persevera! Thank you a million for posting and keep up the amazing work!

Bookworm

I really dig this short story. A lot of the time we get the view of Peeta of him being weaker and helpless in the killing fields compared to someone like Katniss who hunts, hates the Capitol, and survives day by day. I love how you showed that Peeta makes up for not being as experienced as Katniss in living on a prayer by being cunning and understanding humanity, for better or worse. This was showed by his social game in the interview and with the Careers, and this highlights how a social game can be a great strategy in a killing game like Hunger Games. I really love how you explored that, and how you explored methodical Peeta. Your writing was also strong, and your metaphors even stronger, and you also write Haymitch incredibly well. A fantastic story with subtext rooted into Peeta's character and strategy. Great work!

I like this as Peeta is big on planning ahead in the series. I could very much see him doing just this. It also explains a bit as we just randomly see him in with the Careers in the book and we don’t really know why they spared him and let him join their hunting party. So this little short actually helps make the book make more sense.

I don’t have any critiques related to content, but merely to a few things that caught my attention:

Peeta obtaining liquor through nefarious means cracked me up though also made me wonder what on earth he did.

The phrase “created furniture shadows” in that first sentence is a bit… odd. Did you mean the furniture created shadows?

Seam-green is a color I had to look up. Nice choice but I’m not sure it’d supposed to be capitalized.
The sentence that starts with “His mentor shook his head” seems to be a bit of a run on.

Ah ha. Not fandom blind for once!

I see that this work has explored Peeta's side behind the scenes pre-Games, and this is wonderful despite the shorter-than-expected length (My usual standard for a one-shot is between 1000 and 2000 words). But this was very straight-to-the-point and conveyed Peeta's feelings across, yet left enough words for description of their surroundings for me to get the image in my head. You must be commended on that.

Zooming in on the characterisation, Haymitch's addiction to drink is played up here - perhaps a tad over the top, but still spot on. I'll give it to you for the expression Haymitch makes when feasting his eyes and "resisting the impulse to down the liquid in one gulp," but hey, he knows full well that Peeta and Katniss are practically his babies, given the amount of attention they've gotten. If nothing, he should still be irritated at being woken at the late hour. I can let this slide though.

Peeta is also rather...well, cute. Even when Haymitch flat out states that he is in love with Katniss, he neither agress or disagrees; he just slips into memory lane and spaces out.

A phrase that stood out for me were "the night-draped Capitol of Panem, twinkling jewel-like midst the mountains that surrounded it." The imagery it evokes is beautiful, but it was tripped up by the grammar. Perhaps an "and the" after the comma and "in" before "the mountains" would help smoothen it out.

The repetition of the phrase "Just get me in" made it all fall together. A pleasure to read and review!

What a nice idea for a fic. That is one of the really interesting things that you can do with this fandom. The oh-so-limited first person perspective leaves us a lot of wiggle room for the missing scenes from canon, and I always love getting a good look at them. Excited to see what you do here.

"The late night..." should be "late-night"

"...a grizzly's gruffness..." Lovely imagery here. The way that you personify Haymitch right off the bat like that is nicely done, and I get a really clear picture of what you're trying to portray. Also loved the way that Peeta was so determined to get through. The little smirk there just killed me. He is just gonna get his way, yesh!

I really like seeing this early stage of the relationship between Katniss and Peeta. The way that he's already ready to go all the way to protect her comes across well, and gives an entirely different perspective than what we're used to seeing from canon. I do think that you had a better handle on Haymitch's character than Peeta, though. The dialogue was excellent, but I think that you could have slowed this down a wee bit, just to let us feel the moment and really get into Peeta's mind. There's a lot that you can do here. Just a thought. xx

This was a very enjoyable piece. Very nicely done, and good luck on future pieces!

Cheers, dearie!

So that's how he became allies with them! I've always wondered about that...

So, I think this story answered the question at hand perfectly. It made so much sense the way you wrote it! I don't think I could've come up with a better explanation!

I love how Peeta does it to protect Katniss. It is so in character for him and really super-duper sweet! (I love Peeta!) I am curious as to how he lived out his little lie to the actual Careers, though.

Haymitch's reaction was absolutely realistic. I can't imagine him answering Peeta's request any other way, especially when he starts to warn Peeta about what the Careers can do. I don't think he would of done that if it was Katniss requesting that.

And finally, your descriptions are amazing. I especially liked the way you described Haymitch as a 'hollowed out man'. That line made me laugh out loud, literally!

Great job!

All right, so, here I am with this fandom, but I have to say I'm a newbie. Just started to read the first book, and only saw the second movie, so my fandom knowledge is a bit shaky, but I definitely see the guy I so loved the second movie here!

I didn't come far away until the arena moments in the book first book, but I can totally imagine Peeta doing this by his character of the second movie. I loved how you portrayed him that end too, and his physical descriptions were very fitting to the book, too, large shoulders and physically built body, the baker's son.
And he's so heroic, and lovely in his determination to protect Katniss. I liked how his thoughts kept turning their moment years ago, the time he had 'thrown' at her the burned breads, it was clear how much it meant to him as much as it meant to Katniss. Very good.
The repetition of 'just get me in' was also very nice, especially to show his determination.
Lovely little piece, which I will come back and read once again as soon as I finished the first book.:)
Thanks for sharing.

Furniture shadows. That's a good way of describing little light.

The second paragraph, where it says the door opened to on Haymitch's glare, I believe should be opened to his glare. Actually, never mind. That's a less clished way to say it, instead.

'Night-draped' is a description of poetic proportions. It implies that the night is a cloth...

I was going to ask you to add more description, till I thought about it a bit more. Since it's from Peeta's perceptive, it would be kinda weird to chock it full with descriptive words, as he doesn't strike me as a particularly observant person. I think you've handled his POV well, and this is the perfect moment to flesh out with a little one-shot.

I like how you subtly imply that Haymitch does care about the fate of both Peeta and Katniss, by having him look at Peeta rather than the bottle.

And great dialogue. You did a good job of keeping their words in character, while using them to move the piece along.

It's been a while since I've had the pleasure of reading a prose style this polished, and your use of descriptions really immerse the reader in both the environment and atmosphere. I thought this was a fantastic explanation for how Peeta got in with the Careers, which (if memory serves me) was glossed over in the book. I also liked your portrayal of Peeta's pitch to Haymitch, and I found both of them greatly in character.

Structure-wise, grammar, spelling, and vocabulary were all top notch. I liked the variance in your dialogue tags and the flow of the dialogue and exposition. It was a very smooth read, and nothing jarred me out of the story. Regarding the premise, as I mentioned, I found it very realistic and true to the book. This is a viable action Peeta would have engaged in, and the way you tied in his motivations with his memories of Katniss really brought the plot together.

The only critique I have is a small one: head-hopping. In third person POV, as writers we sometimes tend to jump from one character's perspective to another's in a single chapter. Since this is mostly told from Peeta's POV, I noticed the brief switch to Haymitch's POV a few times, most notably in the line "...Haymitch asked, resisting the impulse to down the liquid in one gulp." An insertion of a single word could keep it in Peeta's POV: "...Haymitch asked, [seemingly] resisting the urge to down the liquid in one gulp." It's by no means a substantial flaw, just something that writers can keep in mind when working in third person POV.

Overall, although this was a short piece, I feel it was very solid and well-presented. Great job, and superb writing!