This story is so amazing! The ending is a little bit dissapointing though... but i really, really like your story! Can you please make a sequel for this story please?

This is your story, of course, but I think that it might be best if I introduced with a little blurb about myself. It would be a complete break from character if I didn’t tell you how awesome I think I am!
But seriously, I know that you’ve wanted me to do this for a long time, and it just wouldn’t feel right not being able to vomit all over the very last chapter of your story… given I’ve already vomited all over the previous 12. Fitting, no?

I should think this is the last time I will leave a review on FanFiction. You should be honored. Of course, you know that I am forever open to read and critique your writing by other forms of media, twerp.

Anyhoot, because it’s been so long, I may not remember things too hot, but I’ll try my best!
To start off, amusing that Fynir stumbles on Aurea reading intently on how to date somebody. From what I recall, it’s so in-character for something like this to happen. I especially like Fynir’s whole wise philosophy spiel of “You can’t be that reliant on words written down by another person to guide you through every situation in life.” (Actually, that sounds like something I would say.) But seriously, this first scene is really nice, especially with the tension between Fynir and Aurea.
And ah, yes, Lykos! One of my favorite characters from before. That whole culture clash you did between wolven and draconic culture was piquant.

Phenyla? I don’t remember this dragoness. Her name sounds like an amino acid, phenylalanine.
You’ve said before that your characters all contain some small part of you, but I do see how Aurea could resemble you the most in personality. She has this enjoyment of peaceful activities that involve learning about the world, and a discomfort around people who try to disrupt her peace, and yet she’s much deeper than just a bookwyrm.
Oh, and Phenyla really is a prier. But hey, that’s how you get untalkative characters to talk, no? Well done!

I find that little interaction with Fynir and the others in respect to his broken wing very telling, especially when he seems to feel inadequate or less of a dragon for being disabled.
Haha, when Illumielle peeked over and was like, “Doing something stupid, dear,” I thought she was referring to Aurea herself. Which is why I was like, “Wow, harsh words, ghost mom!” But y’know, it still is kind of harsh that she goes on to call Glint her “idiot son.” I feel like Illumielle would make an interesting mother-in-law, haha. Judgmental dead ghost dragon mother-in-law!
I notice that all your dragonesses giggle a lot. This is confirmed from scanning previous chapters. Is that your impression of females? That they giggle more than males? I will giggle at you all day from now on just to expand your horizons, twerp.

Ah, so it’s the final showdown. I think it would have been funny if Glint had just sat there, and nobody came, and so he was just like, “Eh, I guess it’s just going to be another one of those days.”
FS: “Hey.”
My final FS. This is not a copout because it’s one word, or because it was the last line of the story. Pinky promise! I believe that there is something very special about the way you ended this story, in that it was a highly open ending. It seems an unusual choice to end your story with a greeting dialogue rather than a farewell.

An abrupt ending it was.

Many congrats to you on finishing this story, though late congrats they may be. XD You have become a skilled writer through your experiences crafting stories, and you do have a unique voice, as much as you may deny it. That’s not to say you shouldn’t keep trying to make that style of yours shine, and continue to preen and polish your writing work.
Oh, and I hope this isn’t the last we see of all these endearing characters. ;3 It’s been quite an adventure.

Well hey! And I mean “Hey.” Since this is the end of my review! I can’t wait to see what else you do, and what other accomplishments you make as you get closer and closer to adulthood!

Because I’ll be darned if it ain’t your birthday and if I ain’t gonna wish you a fantastic new year of your life, Zillaroo! Keep on doing what you love!

THAT'S ALL HE SAYS?! *Slap*

This chapter would go great on pizza! Lol

Waiting next chaapter ;)

FS (I’ve never started with an FS before!): “The mighty trees’ leaves swayed ever so subtly…covering them both in a glossy-like lighting due to their scales.” Again, I’m a sucker for a description like this! And it’s so appropriate in that precious moment between Aurea and Glint. I’d say it creates a small moment of silence that isn’t awkward but rather, welcome. It’s like they’ve gone past the awkwardness and into the welcomeness.

Now I see why you put a Susan Cain quote up there as a favorite! Aurea is, in many ways, an ideal introvert: a few good friends from the past, an exhaustion from heavily social events, energy from productive work in the library, and a love of the quiet. Of course, if I’d never talked with you, I’d never have understood the subtle significance of this quote in relationship to Aurea in relationship to you yourself.

Of course, logical reasoning is separate from introversion. That’s another quality about Aurea that really makes her stand out from the crowd—she tries to make Glint understand her points by using reasoning problems. It’s funny and quirky.

Dormis kind of makes Aurea confront her past. It’s interesting how he’s not that upset about her. That shows that he does care about her feelings, even if he doesn’t appear to on the surface.

Hmm, it does seem as if some characters have kind of faded away—Sarin, Lykos, Spyro, and Cynder. I’d be careful not to ignore them. They do seem pretty important to this story.

Oooh, now that raises the stakes, certainly. We finally see Novac and get a hint at the final confrontation. I like how you’re wrapping some of these plot points up and proceeding towards the end of the story (not that I want it to end D:).

The little goodbye with Fynir and Sear… Oh, what harm is there in using the word I’ve used to describe Fynir again? Quaint. It’s not sad, exactly, but it’s interesting how attached he grew to her just after a night, like a chance meeting/love at first sight.

Now that I have caught up once again with your story, I am extremely excited to see the final chapter! There’s no doubt that you’re going to give us a raging finale! Your writing ability is amazing, and I hope that you continue to hone it.

I’ll leave my final thoughts on the entirety of the fiction on your final chapter!

Until then,
-Avi

The banter at the beginning with Fynir and Phenyla is pretty quaint. I really like how, despite his cheerful manner, Fynir is really festering inside with loneliness—Phenyla can’t even tell. I also like how Phenyla eventually just accepts that Fynir is going to call her “Nyla.”

This whole chapter is very much a break from the Glint-Aurea situation! I happen to think that it fits in very well—Fynir needed a bit of attention from you, anyway.

FS: “Stop acting so depressed… Just stop being so down.” That whole spiel from Sear is something that Fynir really needed to hear. It was certainly like a wake-up call to him!
On the whole, it seems as if you’ve transitioned into a very relationship-oriented story! At the beginning with Novac, I was expecting something very action-y and adventure-y, but it seems as if we’re slowing down and getting into some more emotional and internal battles.
Do I think that’s bad? No, because I can still feel Novac leaning over on the horizon, getting ready to attack. Fynir’s own discomfort shows that. “He couldn’t place a number to the [guards], but they were definitely there, watching silently.” You don’t mention Novac at all in this chapter—in fact, the issue with the shadowy, corrupted dragons isn’t even covered at all—but you can just feel his presence in the chapter, just by this short and seemingly unassuming paragraph. This is an example of what highlights you as a writer—the fact that you can slip evil presences into a chapter that seemingly doesn’t deal with darkness or fighting.

On the whole, the situation with Fynir and Sear was very much similar to Fynir and Phenyla—quaint, and somewhat flirtatious. It’s different ,though, because Sear almost seems as if she’s just indulging Fynir, taking him out just for ships and giggles. I feel like that contrasts in a good way with Aurea and Glint’s relationship. Where Aurea and Glint take it very slowly and seriously, Fynir and Sear seem to just be messing around. They’re like that couple who pretend to be girlfriend and boyfriend and then actually end up hooking up in the end.

That said, Zilla, the level of sophistication in your writing never ceases to amaze. On the surface, you have these awesome, flowing descriptions. Under that, you build your relationships on levels such that we have like five or six items/conflicts happening at the same time—and despite that, your story never becomes confusing. You can build parallels between Aurea-Glint, Fynir-Sear, Glint’s relationship with his mother, and Aurea’s relationship to her mother; at the same time, you can have Novac in the background as a threat; and yet your writing is still easy and fun to read! You have quite the talent for this!

Ooh, Aurea has gotten more confident in herself! She’s positive that Glint will tell her details that he won’t tell anyone else, and she’s even gone so far as to start ordering him around. I would say that this shy dragoness is actually changing quite a lot, if not slowly. Kudos to you for pulling that off.

It’s also fascinating how much more comfortable she is about discussing the details of her relationship with an old friend, Phenyla. The fact that Phenlya herself is very prying makes for some captivating conversations between the two.

I absolutely love Sarin’s personality! It’s sardonic, cynical, and grouchy. Those are good qualities for an argument.

And thumbs up for the scene with Fynir and Glint. That was pretty hilarious. Glint searches for all of answers in books when the true answer is really right in front of him! :D

Oooh, that flashback explained quite a bit! It was quite the emotional experience, too. I noticed that the Aurea of the flashback seemed more confident in herself, if still not averse to relationships. She wasn’t shy, exactly, just focused on her own abilities. The fact that she killed her parents probably made her the way she is in the present. I have to compliment you on the way you built her up until now. There was always something about her—this tragedy—in the background, and it has finally surfaced. It takes patience to let that build up like this, and the impact and intensity of this flashback serves as proof that your patience paid off.

And aww! That wasn’t cheesy! It was absolutely built up perfectly! I think that the eventual “love you” has been waiting to come out for the past three or four chapters, if not the last ten.

Ah, I crossed my fingers during the Glint-Cynder convo that Cynder wouldn’t be too blatant about the love issue with Aurea. Luckily, she wasn’t, and I found the whole interaction between the two dragons very charming and enlightening. Glint’s relationship to Cynder in itself is interesting, particularly because he is light and she is dark.

Hmmm… Lykos. I’d never thought about the difference between dating and courting. More-so, I’d never thought about the difference between wolfish and draconic culture. It’s nice that Lykos can serve as that kind of explanation guy.

I just wanted to give you another option, just for the future. You can take advantage of the fact that Lykos is from a different culture by making him give Glint misinformation unintentionally (for example, he could say something like—the best gift you could give your loved one is the dead carcass of the largest beast you killed on your hunt, or something like that). This is an opportunity for some hilarious circumstances that might make the Aurea-Glint situation even more tense and add a bit of spice to the world you’ve built.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with Lykos telling Glint the right thing either. I’m just giving you a different option that you can adapt in prospective stories.

Woo, Sarin’s got an aggressive streak to her! I like! And that’s cool how you indicate that earth dragons don’t need to see in order to fight.

The Fynir v. Sarin fight! Woo, I have so much to say about this, since I myself have been focusing on trying to perfect the art of the fight scene! Let me split this into two paragraphs to focus on the first and the second part of the fight scene.
For the first four paragraphs, starting with “The two took their places” and ending with “making it miss as it simply hit the wall behind him,” the action sequences and verbiage is very good. However, writing a fight is all about the time it takes for you to read a sentence. A short sentence makes an action seem faster—a long sentence makes an action seem slower. “As the shot flew towards the dragon he leapt on the wall before starting to leap back and forth between the two walls at his side, advancing as he unleashed multiple fireballs, which the dragoness shielded herself with another wall of earth against, rendering the fireballs useless as they harmlessly hit the wall.” There’s so much going on in this sentence alone, but because it’s so long, the movements seem lackadaisical, and each piece of action fades into the next. You want the fight to be crisp. Here’s an example of how you could speed up this sentence by chopping it into pieces: “As the shot flew towards the dragon, he jumped for the wall. The shot missed him. He started to leap back and forth between the two walls at his side, advancing as he unleashed multiple fireballs. The dragoness shielded herself against these fireballs with another wall of earth, blocking them and rendering them useless.” Fight scenes are aaaallll about timing, and this first section seems slow because of the length of the sentences.
The last part, on the other hand, starting with “The smoke was still present” and ending with “dragoness on the other side of the room,” is very fast and exciting. You do manage to pull off exactly what I was talking about by using short sentences like “He froze and held his breath.” and “Nevertheless, it seemed she wasn’t able to detect Fynir yet.” I’d say that the second part does exactly what I said the first part should be doing.
In conclusion, you are a description-heavy writer with an eye for detail and subtlety, which means that you tend to flesh your sentences out in long, beautiful strands that fade in and out together. Fighting scenes don’t need as much description. They can be crisp and ugly. You slowed things quite a bit in the first section of this fight, but you managed to pull off a fast battle at the end.

FS: “It’s the least I can do for a friend like you.” Aurea was friend-zoned!

Ya know, I would get onto you for introducing so many characters so late into the story, but I really think that what you’re trying to do here is explore Aurea a little more individually, without the interference of Glint. It’s fascinating how she had this small group of friends that she never talks to anymore, and the suggestion of one little Zethur causes her to return to them and investigate her past.

I thought Lumiere said that it was not Novac who looked after Glint when he was born?! Maybe I read that wrong earlier. I don’t think Lumiere would lie.

Winterspell, eh? I wonder if this chapter will be similar to a certain song of the same title that I know you like? I’ma listen to that song and see if I can draw any of those similarities! Call it grasping at smoke, but I think I may be onto something!

FS: “…umbrageous…” I’m sorry! I had to do it! I’ve never done a one-word FS before! But this was the chance. Umbrageous. Man, I like that word. It sounds like the name of a villain. Come to think of it, it was! Dolores Umbridge. :DD I never thought about that, but umbrageous… Ahhh, the simple words in life.

Poor Fynir, collapsing from lack of sleep. Can’t we all empathize with that? :D And trust Glint to play a prank! I think that his love of pranks is something that distinguishes him as a character. Makes him more memorable, ya know?

Your winter imagery is amazing! I seem to remember you describing autumnal leaves in the chapters before this (maybe they were leaves or crisp air), so it’s a really cool piece of consistency that you’ve transitioned now into snowy weather and coldness.

Lumiere’s sense of humor is awesome! But man, that would be creepy to have your dead mother monitor all of your friends! This whole dynamic of the light dragons and their deaths really is fascinating, if not creepy.

Spyro and Cynder are serving as Glint and Aurea’s relationship squad now! I actually find it quite appropriate, since they themselves are in a relationship.
Just as an overall statement, it is quite remarkable how you keep the tone so light-hearted and mystical. I don’t think there’s been a moment where the story has gotten too dark or the characters have seemed off from the personalities you gave them. If consistency is key, then you do have the key.

“So… the deaf rabbit has been seeing something extraordinary lately…” While I like this unexpected flash fiction from Cynder’s lips and the deaf rabbit is a good metaphor for Aurea’s situation, would Cynder really be the person to tell Aurea an impromptu fable? Without any interruptions? It just kind of seemed out of place to me in the moment and kind of hard to swallow. Maybe you could break this rather large block of text up with interjections from Aurea? Cynder herself is a very subtle person. It would seem more appropriate if Aurea and the audience had to slowly guess what she was talking about.

Might I say as a general remark—awesome dialogue interactions with Glint and Aurea! Just make sure you embrace the awkwardness. Spyro and Cynder might be oiling the gears of this relationship a little bit, but don’t let them oil it too much. Awkwardness is power—you want to use it to your advantage, even if it might be harder to write about.

And Winterspell? I didn’t see the relationship of this chapter with the actual song. This chapter seemed very speech-y and dramatic—not so much action-y and fast-paced like Winterspell is. Is Winterspell still a good name for a chapter? Yes! :D

Aurea has nightmares? I didn’t take her for the kind of person to have nightmares—she seemed shy and unassuming when you introduced her before. Eh, maybe it’s been too long since I’ve read. Either way, I like the way you make both of them talk. It seems that Aurea picks up some speech patterns from her uncle!

One word Volteer said, however, caught me off guard when he was talking to Aurea. “Not a single detail has been recreated?” I would think a better word than recreated would be “altered.” He’s trying to ask if Aurea’s dream is different.

I was wondering if the scene with Lykos and Glint was really necessary. It seemed so short and unexpected, and I don’t think much was happening in it. If you chopped it, I doubt the chapter would suffer at all. In fact, I think it would be focused more on what was important: Aurea’s ordeal.

That said, the moment before Aurea opens the door and sees Glint is perfect! I love the way she tenses up like that, even though there’s no obvious threat. It shows how deeply on edge that she is with her nightmares without saying it explicitly. The subtlety is strong with you, Zilla! This leads me to my FS.
FS: “The dragoness listened to the soft beats of her heart, ruffling away at a steady beat—softly and quietly it ached—it persisted, unending as she thought of her family.” This sentence alone has a poetic quality to it. It almost feels musical, like the rests in-between short bursts of action.

I do like how Glint says the opposite of what he thinks and how Aurea does the opposite of what she thinks! For example-“No, you may not [come in],” she thought, even though she lets him in. I notice that you’ve decided to make your narration omniscient, so that we know everyone’s thoughts! This fits a description-heavy writer such as you very well, in my opinion.

Awww, cheesy is good, though! And I don’t even think the end of this chapter is really that cheesy. It seems like there’s a good deal of restraint and awkwardness, two sensations that are very powerful when it comes to relationships that are beyond “good friends.”

Your description, once again, leaves me in awe. You have so much of this description that you couldn’t possibly ask for more, and yet your words have a beauty about them that can’t be matched. I get a kind of dungeon-y sense about this chapter. It’s not dungeon-y in the sense of dark, cold tunnels, but more in the sense of eye-catching yet treacherous environments that have an overall sense of bleakness to them. My evidence? The “uniqueness” and “oddness “of the “fungi” and the “flora.” The bridge that seemed to be a “safe crossing” but wasn’t. The gargantuan dragon that seemed hidden the entire time. The general “hazy cloud” and “ooze” that was mentioned repeatedly. It’s subtle and dark and miasma-y, and I like it.

The best way to summarize my feelings about the beginning of this chapter? Staring off into the ocean of Majula with the Crestfallen Warrior. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDD Trust me to bring up Dark Souls at least once!

Here’s the one point I’d like to bring up—you’re probably aware of it. Writing is like painting. In writing, the foreground is the main character(s). It seems as if your characters/foreground are placed perfectly and described to a tee. Sometimes, you want your characters to fade or your background to fade. It’s an interesting and fun effect. When it comes time for action, you can stop describing the environment, and when it comes time for adventuring/exploration, you can stop describing the characters.
An example about what I mean: Instead of “He examined the area around him, the ground was littered with bones and remains of…whatever they were,” you could omit the “He examined…” part and just say, “The ground was littered with the skeletal remains of…whatever they were.” This takes the focus off of Novac for a second. Just remember, there is nothing wrong with the original sentence—I’m just elaborating on a point.

I realllllly like this old guy, Jityuh! He just conveys this sense of ancientness and wisdom. You don’t even need say it explicitly that he’s wise of ancient—he just feels like Confucius in dragon form!

FS: “The straightest path is not always the safest compared to the crooked path.” I just like this quote. It’s kind of like, “The easy way is not always the right way,” sort of vibe.
Also, the scene with Jityuh vs. the Lord of Death vs. Novac seemed pretty masterful to me, mainly because it had quite a bit of tension in it. It really does make a story more captivating when you raise the stakes like you did—where Glint has the option to kill Novac in order to free him from the darkness, but there is another option where they both live. That’s sophistication for you.

That’s the first time I’ve read the word “Pyrrhic” in a Spyro FanFic! And it happens to be one of my favorite words. Ahh, Zilluminate.

Zilla!

Well hello there, stranger! I’m not talking to you, of course, but rather, your story. It’s been so long since I’ve read it. However, I skimmed through the first six chapters, and it’s all coming back to me. Hopefully these eight “word vomits” submitted at once won’t overwhelm you too much.

I noticed that, upon reading my previous reviews, I tended to be very confusing. My goal this time is to be clearer. This was one of my favorite fics back a year ago, but I don’t think I had the words to express that a year ago.
That said, I’ll still throw my FSs at you and run through the same routine! It should be interesting to see how my opinions have changed/stayed the same.

Reading the first chapter, I am reminded once again of what a meticulous description-writer you are! There are just so many verbs you use that make your writing stand out! “…a sickly looking mass of rotting flesh with a black liquid oozing from it,” and a moat that “moaned and closed.” Painting the environment so clearly is very difficult to pull off, but it almost looks as if you can do it seamlessly. Of course, I do know that a great deal of work went into it.
From what I remember of Novac, he was a sort of antagonist for Glint. It seems here as if he’s not so bad. It makes me wonder how you’ll use him in the future—as an obstacle for Glint? Or as a motivation for him? I wonder if he’ll try to rescue his brother.

FS: “His heart slowly decayed, it felt like someone had took a spear and pierced it deeply. Causing it to slowly shatter like glass and even into smaller bits of particles and molecules.” Nobody don’t like your descriptions! Your figurative language tends to be very powerful. This is just one example of where it truly does stand out—barring the few grammatical errors.
Speaking of grammar/spelling, I just wanted to point out the, “she coughed weekly.” I doubt that she’s coughing on a weekly basis. :D

And may I say, the Sylia farewell scene is as beautiful as it is tragic.

All in all, a different sort of chapter! I’m assuming this is the first long story we’ve heard from Novac, but I’m not certain since it’s been so long! Really, his character is fleshing out nicely. He certainly looks to be a worthy antagonist.

Another day, another great chapter. Nice work with this one Zilla, it was well worth the wait I assure you.

First of all, a very excellent description of introverts. Now that I think about it, Aurea is sort of the perfect mascot for that sort of thing. And as for that number puzzle, you caused me so much mental greif as I tried to figure it out before reading the answer. So congrats for successfully teaching me a lesson via an amusing riddle.

Dormis was quite an interesting curveball I found. On one hand, he acted exactly as I anticipated, egotistical and full of himself. But at the same time, there was still an air of genuine concern for Aurea's wellbeing. It certainly adds an intruiging dimention to his character, and qualifies him as a good guy, as opposed to the traditional role of minor antagonist.

And we see the main plot come roaring back into focus as well. Don't do it Glint, it's a trap! And only one more chapter to go, wow. From the sound of it, it's going to be a long one. Best of luck, and I will see you again soon in the next chapter.

B1ackbird

Yay, Illuminate is back on track! And the festival is drawing very near indeed.

I'm sorry it took a bit longer for me to review this, but it's just that... I don't have very much to say about this chapter. I mean, it's nice to see something from the point of view as Fynir.

And I see that we have a new character as well, another one of Aurea's friends. It's funny, I kinda thought you were setting up Fynir and Sarin to be a couple. As for Sear, she's not bad, I suppose I'll just have to see how her character develops over the next few chapters.

But it's good to see you posting again Zilla. And from the sound of it, it won't be too long till your next chapter is out either.

B1ackbird