Oh wow nice chapter ending, well chapter in general. I really like how you go deeper into the toll that this job takes, and the damage it does to them both physically and emotionally. They do the same job as guys like Ferrell and Clyde, that's gotta be a bit hard to consider, and I like your take on Rios wanting to be more moral, even considering they get paid to kill. He wants to use their power for good, so to speak, but as he's come to learn its not so black and white, and people get hurt. They're chill conversation when they're reunited was well done and I think it really shows how well they know each other. Rios knows Salem needs him to be his anchor and act like everything is okay. And wow I really loved Salems last line. He believes that Rios is good because of all he's done for him. To Salem, whatever Rios has done is reconciled by what he is now, what they are now, and I think that's beautiful. It's tragic too, because Rios' need to be morally straight almost killed Salem in Shanghai. Again excellent :) it really sent a pang through my chest at reading the end lol. Thanks for posting.

I truly loved this chapter.

Simply amazing. I loved it.

Woah epic chapter! The recording scene was so cool and I could really feel the rage and hate in Delgado's voice even without you writing mannerisms. I could imagine Giddy an Rios sitting there in stunned silence listening. Just wow really well done. I also love how you incorporated Rios' past with the School of Americas. Like you mentioned before they did some pretty shady stuff and it's totally possible for these guys to make enemies. It also brings thw idea back into perspective that these guys are killers. Rios and salem have both done bad things in they're lives and I like you showing them dealing with what they've done, and how they're closeness can be both a blessing and curse. We see that salem is in a way a weak spot for Rios and someone ended up taking advantage of that. It's also obvious in this series Rios is an extremely weak spot for Salem, probably more than he is to Rios. Lastly I loved the realization that Giddy was in Bolivia on that op as well. Nicely done! This revenge plot you have going is really great and I'm in suspense to read more :)

I truly loved this chapter Rothalion. I do hope that Elliot gets better soon. Because I can see the love he shares with his niece, Nala and with Tyson as well. Simply masterful.

This was a great new chapter. I really liked the allusion to the coins they would put on corpses eyes, and how it showed how close salem came to death. The guys are in shock about this, especially since it happened at home, and I think every near-death experience like this really ties them closer together and makes them realize just how important they are to each other. This is definitely going to keep their guard up since they were so confident this would be an easier low risk op. Heckler's teasing regarding Vasily was a good line, and I liked your description of his joking role on the team, though he's a bit more mild than Salem. It's a useful skill that he has, breaking the ice. I also love Giddy's big brother personality and role on the team. I'm sure he's taking this extremely hard since he wants to protect them all and he and Salem are so close. I like that the team all have an attachment to salem thats unique to them, like Rios is closer than family, and Giddy is like a protective sibling, and so on. Lol and thinking about Rios struggling to get out of scrubs cracked me up. Again Heck's mentioning of Vasily was a great touch. Really nice well written piece here :)

Part 2
Heckler excels at giving Fifty grief, poking and teasing the kid. Sometimes he doesn't know when to stop and Giddy has to intervene but there are other times when he's there to throw the kid some rope when he needed it. He recognized Elliot's unease and gets up to give him a (manly) hug but not without another lighthearted poke at the situation which finally elicited a little laugh out of the boy, which was ultimately his goal. He also comes to the rescue when he notices Rios' predicament. “Lighten up Tyson, it's just how they roll.” By coming to Salem and Nala's defense, he also gives Rios the answer he needs. Tyse enjoys the way Elliot and Nala interact, he wants to laugh but not sure if he should. Heckler's insight helps push Rios in the right direction. It's clear to the team that the way Elliot and Nala interact is unusual but it works. It's honest, straightforward and genuine; pure. It's usually a delight to behold. There is no complicated etiquette, patronizing, or hidden meanings involved.

The fact that the only people present at the party not laughing was Samantha and her parents paints a pretty clear picture. Does anybody ever want to hear their pre-teen daughter curse like a sailor? No, not so much, but one phrase that slips out doesn't exactly make her a little hellion. She merely repeated a phrase she's heard thrown around a lot by her father. It's one of those 'honest' moments every parent experiences at least once at the most inopportune times...'out of the mouth of babes' as it were.

Wow, this next part is so powerful. There are so many things happening here in such a short space of time. You do an amazing job shifting emotions and moods pretty flawlessly. One moment, you're laughing along with the rest of the team at Elliot and Nala's antics and the next your sitting with your mouth open, wide eyed and can actually 'feel' the sudden silence, the oppressive tension running through the room.

Art really is an arrogant piece of poo. (I can see where he would be shocked to hear her say what she did, after all it's not proper behavior/language for a young lady.) It was a bit of a surprise for everyone, hence why it was so funny. Kids do that sort of thing sometimes, right off the cuff. Oh, and of course he'd blame Salem for it. After all, everything that's wrong with the world has to be Salem's fault somehow, right? Only, Salem isn't the one walking around calling himself l. a. b. most of the time, duh. That would be Rios.

There's no question Elliot is a heavy influence on Nala. They play and get into mischief, but never anything dangerous or malicious. Childhood is fleeting, with Elliot, she just gets to be a kid and he lets her; he never got to be one and he's going to make sure she gets the chance. It's like going over to grandma's house in the summer time, the nice grandma. (The one that lets you go outside as long as you want and doesn't yell at you for getting dirty while you play. The one that makes you cookies and lets you stay up a little later on Saturday night. The one you can talk to and not be judged.) Mimi might be a little bit like that kind of grandma, but she lives pretty far away. Nala is a good girl, undoubtedly makes good grades (I'm sure Rios makes sure she understands the importance of studying and hard work) and is a bit more mature than most her age. I have no doubt she uses her manners when appropriate. When Elliot is around she gets to be goofy, have fun, relax the rules a bit, 'let her hair down' so to speak. He's not just an uncle or guardian, he's her friend and confidant; and on the odd occasion she's 'his' guardian. When he's hurting her maturity shows in how she steps in to comfort him.

I can't believe Art had the audacity to sit at Tyson's table, in his home, eating his food and proceeded to dictate to the man. Flat out threatens Rios, his brother and daughter. His words and demeanor are very dangerous. I don't think Art could have gotten people's attention better if he'd have stuffed a grenade down their shorts. What a snake. What's even more scary is the fact that he's already gone through the extensive process of information gathering, and resorting to illegal activities in order to gain access to records he had no business with. This isn't an idle threat or outburst in a fit of anger and frustration in the heat of the moment. Art's activities are premeditated. He's been plotting.

I guess he thinks 'he'd' be a better parent seeing as he did such an awesome job raising his own daughter. You know, the gossip mongering lush that let her 2 year old daughter drown so she could commit adultery for the umpteenth time. Oh but she's impeccably dressed, get's her nails done twice a week, and is never late for a spa appointment. Appearance is everything, and you must be punctual you know. Amazing. Of course, there's Art's own fine upstanding example of using his position and authority, abusing his power, to illegally violate someone's privacy, defy court orders, breaking laws he's supposed to be upholding for his own nefarious purposes, with the intent to destroy another person's life; but that's okay, as long as he's using proper table manners. Is that about right? Pffftt! The man's hypocricy knows no bounds. If it wasn't for the very man he's so intent on destroying, Art wouldn't have a granddaughter to usurp.

I'm impressed with the team and especially Tyson's response...Made. Of. Awesome! The threats have raised some hackles and brought out the protective streak.

Giddy stood up and placed his hands on Salem's tensed shoulders. Heckler followed and flanked Rios..."This is my home, she is my daughter, he is my brother and partner. We are bound in blood. This dinner will continue without any further outbursts or threats from you or yours. Now shut your pious trap detective and eat before I come over there and shred you, understood. Do not threaten the only two people I love ever again. WHOOHOOOO!

“She is my daughter, he is my brother and partner...do not threaten the 'only two people I love' ever again.” Did you get that detective? Did you take notes? I wonder if Samantha was 'with it' enough to catch that. Sorry, this was so good I had to quote it twice. Rios gets massive extra points for this. Plus, it says a lot that the high point of the evening for Rios was the degree of control Elliot exhibited and how well he seemed to bounce back after the confrontation.

Sorry, want to yell at me? Poor Elliot and poor Nala. They both got caught in a slamming door. Her gentle gesture and apology is so sweet. Her innocent and well meaning gift inadvertently lead to ugly accusations and treats against someone she loves dearly. She wanted to do something nice for him not be the cause of more pain. She knows he's in pain and she knows what he fears. He put on a cheerful persona for the duration of the meal but the two have an unusual connection and she knows better.

It's okay if you don't eat green stuff...I kind of like you smallish anyway...easier to hug all of you...it's not okay to be sad...no one can take me from you. I like the way she held his face and looked him in the eye when she said it. He needed to hear it and she knew that. She went right to the heart of the matter, which is how they relate. If only everything were as simple as that.

...kiss now, I gotta go play hide and seek. She's so insightful but still a young child. The wound has been bandaged, tears wiped away, just need a kiss to make it better then it's back out to play!

I love you too And-a-Half! Yep, they speak the same language.

Part 1
Great detail. Well written as always; from the facial expressions, mannerisms, speech patterns, body language and scenery. Their moods are clearly reflected in the writing.

Love Salem's snark. He just can't help himself, and with respect to what/who he's having to deal with I don't blame him for being contrary. At first I felt bad for Elliot when Art honed in on him, (He can't walk five feet without being harassed. He's the 'whipping boy' for Samantha, her family and friends). However, as always, Salem's defenses are up and running.

"...you need to learn some respect..." "...Samantha's not even allowed in. Tyson said no one goes in there and I intend to see his orders met."

"Yeah, you and what army detective? ...I'm a little old for that lesson...you damn sure aren't man enough to teach it to me" hahaha Go Elliot! The icing on the cake though is when he whips out his set of keys, explaining where each one goes. "looks like I'm the only one on the approved list...'my' bathing suit is in 'my' bathroom in 'Tyson's private office...respect 'that', detective."

The fact that Salem has a key to everything that belongs to Tyson speaks much louder than any words can. When Salem refers to the key to his own place as a 'hovel' its both humorous and sad. He isn't really attached to it in any way. His team is his home, his apartment is just a place to eat and sleep. The fact that he called it a hovel doesn't necessarily mean it's a dump, It may not be the nicest place in town but it's no roach motel. Anyway, he calls it a hovel, because he knows it's how Art sees it and him. Using sarcasm and calling it a hovel himself takes away any insult or power the word might wield as such.

"...Salem they messed up giving you a chance boy..." Whoa, wait, what? Yeah, Art's been drinking but this doesn't sound good at all. He's not supposed to know...hmmm. (Poor Elliot, he's so distressed he missed the implied threat; or maybe he's used to this kind of menacing behavior from Art, and just tuned him out.)

"...the stuff I put up with to be your friend..." Funny this seems to be a thought the two men have in common. Because Salem is a bit of an enigma and can be unpredictable (not necessarily in a bad way) Rios thinks he has his hands full. However, Elliot actually has to deal with grief from many more sources, on a much more consistent basis; thanks to Tyson's witch of a wife. Samantha maligns the boy at every opportunity.

"Frag out!" Hahaha this is so very Salem. I couldn't help but grin when I read it. He's too funny. Nice to see him having a good time with the kids. Most adults don't take the time to just be a kid with their own children, Elliot being able to cut loose and just have the kind of innocent fun he was never allowed to have as a child was great. “Just having fun Tubby, fun's good for you.”

Great line here...“We have to live with them and I don't mean the kids!” “Not my fault.” lol

“I'm gonna kill him” Hahaha, this is a 'daily' thing. I think Rios is often torn between amusement and exasperation when dealing with Salem.

It's a relief that Rios comes to Salem's defense regarding the rumors, even if it's just to one person. “He hasn't touched...Hilary...any of them... wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole.” He counters the man's doubt by letting Brett know he knows Hilary is unfaithful and so is Samantha; he's in the same boat. Salem has enough trouble without being maligned in the eyes of someone that's at least halfway decent. I think Tyson's choice of words is very telling. “Mother of my child” 'not' “love of my life” I'm sure Rios cared for her on some level, but I'm almost tempted to believe that beyond the initial attraction, he's actually more in love with the 'idea' of who he 'thought' Samantha was or should be. Conflict comes up when he can't reconcile her actions with his perception of her. He knows the things she's done but still can't seem to see her for what she is. He still clings to the 'image' the ideal and it's why he confides in her again and again even as she betrays his trust, and in doing so, he's betraying Salem with his 'need to talk' Problem isn't with needing to talk, it's who he's choosing to talk to. Tyson knows Sam hates Elliot, is insanely jealous of the kid, yet he continues to reveal things to her to relieve his own stress, he refuses to recognize the fact that he's willingly providing her with all the proverbial ammunition she needs to shoot the kid in the back.

Ah, regarding dinner...where to start...it's so beautifully written. I love the interaction between Elliot and the team at the table, Giddy, Heckler. It's easy to sense Elliot's hesitation and unease when all eyes at the table turn to him. I love the way you describe the presentation, how Nala presents it with a flourish, Salem looks from Nala to Mimi before accepting reluctantly. (Poor guy is wary, and with good reason. Surprises rarely turn out in Salem's favor, but he's thinking, it's Nala, soooo) I felt a little bad for the guy being put on the spot. I can just imagine everyone staring at you while you try to eat, especially when it's something you probably aren't going to be fond of.

“It's green and a half. I don't eat green.” hahaha. “Tyse” is all Elliot says but you can hear the 'do I have to?' loud and clear. Elliot knows he's going to lose this one when his last hold-out, Giddy, sides with Nala and the dreaded salad. Heckler's teasing kind of lightened things a little. Even though it was aggravating Elliot a bit it was deflecting some of the tension, and he took it for what it was meant to be.

'The group all watched in silent anticipation.' I think everyone was truly hoping he'd end up liking it, or at least not hating it so much. They're all quietly concerned for Elliot's health. Rios is the most overt about it because they're partners, but care and concern for his well being is shared among the team. They are all keenly aware of how hard things can be for Elliot at times. So, if anyone can get Elliot to eat a salad, it's going to be Nala.

To his credit, Elliot did make an honest effort. He picked up a little bit of everything and took a decent sized bite. Rios wanted Elliot to be gentle with his response but Elliot thought it best to just be a straight shooter about it. He knows how to talk to Nala and as much as she wanted him to like the salad, I think she'd have been more offended it he'd tried to patronize her. That's just not the kind of relationship they have. Besides he didn't say he didn't like it, he just said it tasted like grass! Lol Elliot did do a decent job at defending his answer, even though Nala wasn't buying it. “What, grass is green and it tastes grassy. That green stuff is grassy. That should be good, no?"

Nala's reaction is well written, the way she chastises Salem for his comparison, and even pleads with Mimi. “Like you've ever eaten grass, mister! Grass! My salad doesn't taste...Grama Mimi?” Elliot's explanation of being lost on a mission for weeks, having only (mushrooms that nearly killed his a...um him lol) grass and bugs to eat, reaching the team nearly starved is lost on her because, even though mature for her age in some ways, she's still a kid and her mind grinds to a halt at 'bugs' lol Her reaction is very true to form for a young girl. “Eeeww I kissed bug lips!”

“It was a long time ago! I've brushed my teeth thousands of times since then.” Poor Salem. “No he hasn't don't trust him Nala...” lol not helping there Heckler. Hahaha

“...they like salad...they understand green is good for them and you don't...and that's why you're always gonna be just a...” Oh! Uh oh! She didn't? Oh, yes she did. Wonder where she got that from Mr. Tyson Rios? lol

“Nala!” Rios wailed. Caught you off guard with that one, didn't she daddy!

I really like the 'green' thread you are weaving. As Nala said, "Green is good for you" Salad may be green but so is Salem...Green Giant that is, Kermit(green) and the youngest member of the team.

I loved all 12 chapters.

well done wtih it

well done

Oh man, you have set this up so well. The scene when the reunite is going to be epic, I just know it. First off, wow Murray's speech was amazing, frankly badass. I can't get over the fierceness I read in her tone, and the strength it would take to remain calm like that when discussing what happened. It was her team, the ones that know her, that recognized her fury, and I loved Heck's line, "Murray's pissed." Yeah as Salem put it in TFD, "she can take care of a small army." I really appreciate that you captured that strength in her character.

Secondly, I'm still impressed with how well you handle the different voices like Rios' vs Yarborough's (sp) vs the news anchor. Nicely done. Art's part actually hit me pretty hard, I don't know why exactly. I'm not sure if you meant to write it like this, but it sounded shameful to me, and the line that really hit me was when he was listing off what the cops would be charged with and he said something along the lines of, "and god forbid if that young man dies, murder." I can't go back to look at the quote when I review on my phone, so I apologize if it's a little off lol. I guess where he called Salem "young man" just made them feel more human and personal. Either way it was well done.

Poor Nala. I could really read the shock and worry in her voice. How she said "it's still wet" (I think that's the line) about Salem's blood on her dad's vest, she sounded not all there. She is just a kid, and you show that here I think. She's confused as well, since her father in law is the boss of the two swat guys. She's considering if he planned it, if they hate Salem that much, and I'm sure that is reflecting back on her mom.

The details regarding his injuries were great, and I cringed harder as I read down the list. When you mentioned the neck brace I imagined him laying in his hospital bed, looking all sleepy and bruised and battered, then smiling weakly when he sees Rios and Nala. D: why do I do this to myself lol. These two will be the death of me. The line about how the shot to his head hit fractured his spine was great because it really put the force of the blow into perspective. It literally knocked him off his feet, threw him even. Great job, excellent. I can't wait for more and when they are all reunited and find out what the heck happens to those cops jerks! Thanks :)

Oh. My. God. This was AMAZING! Seriously what a turn of events! Your planning and detailing of the mission is great as usual, and I loved Murray in here. I always liked how well she seemed to be able to pay attention to multiple monitors and tasks at a time in the games, which I'm so happy you captured in here. The news report was a great way to keep the story in line for the reader, as well as creative. The anchors' voices were well done. It was awesome how no one could see Salem, but Nala knew them well enough to know he was up there. Just watched a film with my dad where this sniper was showing how good he was to these officers by sneaking right up to them in a grassy field. Some Harrison Ford film. I imagine she's proud of him, both of them, seeing how they can do jobs other can't or are too scared to do. The back and forth with her and the other kid Nickey was funny. Pretty much an argument of "My dad can beat up your dad" except with her non biological uncle. I could really hear the pain and shock in her voice at the end, the betrayal with the line about why would Art hurt Salem. Oh man I need to see this through lol. What the actual F is going on?! My mouth literally gaped open when Salem was fired on. The dialogue of the team rescuing him was really well done and suspenseful. I had to go back a couple times because I found myself reading too fast to see what happened next. The part about them fixing his lung and getting him blood was great and unique to me. Ive never read about that procedure, only standard stuff like using pressure and patching the wound. Nice. The details and imagery about Salem's wounds and how he was coughing up blood was amazingly nail-biting, and you really brought on that feeling of desperation in Rios. It was a pretty awesome scene when he put his gun to the medic's head. He won't trust Salem's life with anyone but himself and his team. After all, he trusted the SWAT guys and Art, and look what happened. I'm glad you mentioned the fifty cal's loudness :) from that video you showed me of Academi guys it sounds like freakin thunder. I really like Zoe's character in here too. She's a school teacher that's cool, I could see that in how she talks to the kids and Nala. I can't wait to see the next chapter. I bet Rios is going to flip. I can't imagine. And Salem's going to be hospitalized, you could do some pretty emotional scenes with that. Anyway, really great job here. Thanks

Yay chapter 10! Great job on the details of the mission. I can really picture the surroundings and tone of the scene when I read it. I really like how you go into detail about the planning the guys have to do. They don't just go in guns blazing, they have to have at least some ounce of astuteness and this mission really shows their skills, especially Salem's ability to work with maps and locations to be to their advantage. The fact that S&R created one of the most successful PMCs in the world show this, they have to be able to out smart the other guys. I liked the line where the detective asks Rios "aren't you the team leader?" and Salem just shoots him down. Rios may be the final decision maker, but he gets aid from his team, that's the point. It reminded me of the scene in Miami in the first game when Salem says suggests going to the power plant (I think that's what it was) then Rios thinks it over and agrees. Point is, you captured how they work in the canon verse well. Yay Pedro's in here. *tears up* Pedro's in here. Lol well the lines with him were well done too, and show the reader a little bit more about his character. I'm really liking Giddy, he's a nice guy that seems like the one that keeps everyone calm and together when things get heated between the team, especially between Heck and Salem. Still loving their code names, funny and clever. Heck's lines at the beginning cracked me up, you can tell he really likes to push buttons, but I guess unlike Salem he does it intentionally, while Salem will just be him and start ranting if he's pissed about something. Like Rios said "glad you're back to your regular pain in the ass self." Haha well anyway great job. The chapter was an excellent read and it was fun to see other characters like Alice and Dalton, and your OCs are interesting without overshadowing the main characters. Thanks for posting :)

Looks like a tough situation, something they cant screw up. Its good to see Salem finally into gear, a lot of weight is on him now. Great chapter, hope the mission pulls through without any surprises.

Update soon :)