Lol levi is ooc, they would not be that calm in this situation, he would be emotion fuelled, no time for such a lengthy assessment, rewrite this, its affecting the flow of story.

rip

holy shit connie

Amazing story hopefully you'll pick it back up soon

Stop thinking with your dick Eren.

Simply incredible, as I expected

Okay, I have read the first chapter and I wanted to say:

Wow!

I am amazed, your writing skill is incredible and it flows so smoothly and elegantly, it's a pleasure and honor to read. It's really refreshing to see this. I am so happy I found you and your story and I can't wait to read the rest of chapters!

This is a great story

Here I am, once again, ready and able to leave you a review! Let's tackle Chapter Five: Last Stand!
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Scene no. 1 - Scouts versus Titans
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CON: Wait, where are we? Are we supposed to assume the Scouts are trying to get back to Karanese? Or are they still in the woods? Help!
This is a problem, and could easily have been fixed with a paragraph instead of a cold open and the line "Day before Eren's departure...".

PRO: The actual death of Keiji/Irvin navigating the Titan madness is good, though. I also enjoy the notion that even good ol' Irvin is not immune to basic human emotions. He wants revenge, and revenge he shall get, 'cause he's all that. He's a professional.

Also nice to see Irvin offering Sasha support.

CON: While it's fun to see you've included such characters as Henning and Nanaba, this doesn't take away from my lingering sense of confusion regarding the location of the scene. All right, I'll try and stop harping about the lack of an establishing paragraph after this, but you get my reasons for doing so, right?

PRO: CONNIE! He saved Sasha, eh? (sorry, I'm a fan of their friendship) It's always nice to see Connie get a chance to shine, and you did him justice. I also love the bit where he's watching Sasha shut her eyes to try and close off the world, and he knows it won't work. That's just plain heart-wrenching, coming from him.

CON: Ensuing chase scene with Ymir and Titans seems...I dunno, mechanical? Like you just mapped it out and went about telling us what happened instead of pacing it properly. Especially coming off of the earlier chapters and the fight with FT/the vets fighting titans, this is decidedly lackluster.

PRO: Ymir's death! Connie comforting Sasha! Good scenes, the both of them! Especially the latter; these guys have gone through Trost, but nothing like this, and now they really have to rely on each other. Very survival-horror.

And oh SHIT, they kissed, as well? I'm okay with this! Nah, for real. I can buy it. Very "heat-of-the-moment", that's the life of these guys. My thumbs are up. Very sweet conclusion to this scene with Connie fumbling around words: "snap out-um, snap YOU out...of it" and the potatoes.
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Scene no. 2 - Say, "Live and Let Die"
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CON: "The heavy rain had subsided after they had reached the village, trying to escape the Titans who had found them at the halfway point between The Forest of Giant Trees and the Karanese district."

THAT! THAT OPENING PARAGRAPH! THIS FIXES ALL MY COMPLAINTS AND RENDERS THE HARPING NULL AND VOID! PUT IT AT THE START OF THE CHAPTER PLS

PRO: Irvin and existentialism/questioning his own morals, set against a lovely blue sky? Always a good idea.

Also, possible implication that Irvin may be a Shifter himself? Is that what I'm seeing? Oooh boy. :D

And who's that new Titan, I wonder? Is it Ymir? I think it's Ymir. :D I must say, I'm glad you made it look feminine? Like I know they all aren't built the same, and female Titans are rare, but for crying out loud. I know Annie's hot or whatever, who cares, can't some of them look a little feminine? So yes. Thank you for that!

Minor curiosity; why is one of the 3 (should be three) meter class Titans stated to be eating a horse from the Legion's cart? I thought they didn't go after animals. Are you going somewhere with this?

CON: Rest of the scene is kinda...sloggish? Like, it drags on for quite some time, and while I get that it's needed, it doesn't ease my sense of frustration.

PRO/CON: But as individual elements, stuff like a drunken Gelgar, Irvin attempting to reassure Gelgar, Rene's death, Hange and Irvin strategizing/Hange being sassy, they are all good. Less telling, more showing. Perhaps even make these first two scenes (Connie/Irvin) one chapter? I dunno, you're the boss.
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Scene no. 3 - Reiner and company
-
PRO: Right, we're back to basics! (personally like that you spelled Bertholdt's name as such) Can tell that you like writing Reiner. I also enjoy the notion of Reiner wanting to protect Krista/Christa. This has always been a subject of interest to me. What are his reasons for doing so? Is it something overpowering his natural Warrior persona, a simple desire to do what's right and protect the innocent, or is he trying to reject that Warrior mentality through his attraction to Krista/Christa? Wow, here I am examining Reiner's character and there's a fight scene happening, heh.

In contrast to the last scene, I'm really feeling this one! I like the struggle against the Titans, the moment of realization between Bertholdt and Reiner about Marcel/Berwick/Berik's killer. I could go on and on about how awesome this is, but I'll move on before this gets too sappy.

Just one more thing, this: "Bert! Stop looking at that Titan's ass!" Aw, Reiner, you hypocrite. :D

CON: There's an equal sign that shouldn't be there. Ctrl-F.

And I said it before, I'll say it again. I like this set-up. But it's too dang loooooooong. I get oversaturated with information to the point where I start to slog through the scenes. Not a good thing.

PRO: Injured Krista/Christa? I like how she brushes off their concerns and tries to paint B and R in a good light for Y. She's very much in-character, here.

CON: Christa biting Reiner. Why not his sleeve or something? There's immense danger in letting her pierce flesh.

PRO: Everyone's reactions to her pain are fine and dandy, though.

CON: "Hey, Sasha."

"Hm?"

Was confused as to whether or not it was Connie at first. Could be fixed with a simple: "Hey, Sasha," he said.

PRO: Uh-oh, Ymir missed a Titan. And thus, Connie's arc draws to a close. Poetic and tragic, but very much in line with the nature of AoT. Awesome conclusion.

FINAL THOUGHTS: I could go on about minute details, like Ymir having Marcel/Berik's left eye (interesting) and Sasha's moment of anger (also awesome) but my verdict is this; great ideas, TOO LONG. I was dragging halfway through. I dunno if it's on account of my impatience or what, but I feel like the prose drags and it shouldn't. These are a lot of good ideas.
And again, I have a big issue is with the opening. I had no idea where the Legionnaires were until you explained they were at the halfway point. I think that had a big role in turning me off.

So, tl;dr - I liked it, but be careful not to lose and confuse the reader, dude.

oh man oh man oh MAN is this finally the moment where Eren meets Annie I think it is oh MAN I'm PUMPED :D

Okay, I'm all good now. Let's take a gander at: Chapter IV: Crimson

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Scene no. 1 - Annie, meet Eren
-
PRO: Annie not looking at him or talking to him while he fires questions her way? Yes. All my yes. Love it.

CON: Maybe would have cut the word "traitor" to describe her. While not only implied, Eren's kind of stubborn when it comes to defending his buddies. Annie is no different.

"Answer me!" Eren yelled, his forearm pressed against her throat.

Seems like an awkward way to restrain her. Why not just use his hands?

"blazing turquoise eyes" muh pet PEEVE D:

"She could feel the grip on her shoulder tighten. Eren's patience was wearing thin, his expression filled with anger and confusion."

Whose perspective is this? Annie's, Eren's, everyone's? Needs balance between the two sides.

PRO:

"'Nameless soldiers who die protecting my objective do not concern me. They are just obstacles.' Annie said coldly."

*sigh* Two lines from her, and I like your Annie already. :)

Also, Annie claiming she tore through the Scouts' ranks "for him" is both heartrending and morbidly hilarious, in hindsight. Maybe I'm just a terrible person, but I like the simplicity of her response and his utter incredulity. Also, Eren calling her a "heartless bitch." Look, he's finally accepted this situation for what it is and I love it!

I also appreciate how she brushes off his concerns with morality in favor of keeping him safe. Makes you wonder if she's trying to convince herself as much as Eren.

CON:

"By friends, do you refer to those who held you back?" Eren's hand slid off of her shoulder.

The way you added the second line made me think he was the one saying this. Separate one character's action from the other's dialogue.

CON:

While I like Annie spinning her argument into "they won't let you transform because they don't trust you, and fear what you're capable of" I'm not sure what she means when she asks how Eren's fellows fear of him is any different than their putting trust in him. I think I get what you were going for, that it's the fear that drives them, but then I have to ask: why WOULD they put any trust in him if they were afraid?

PRO:

On another note, I like Eren's lackluster response that she is a monster, only for Annie to say "guess what buddy so are you".

The bit where she reaches into his shirt is also irreverently amusing. Not to mention, the fact that she knows about the key at all gives us - and Eren! - a better reason to believe her.

And I like the part where she coughs up blood. It's jarring, and you feel for her. Basically, you've done a wonderful job of getting inside Eren's head.

CON:

"She lifted her head up; the pair of half-closed, livid eyes focusing themselves into the luminescent Turquoise that reflected glowing embers from the fireplace."

Turquoise should not be capitalized. Also, good idea, overkill on description.

"Eren made sure blood wasn't going past her sides before taking the fellow Titan-shifter into his arms and making his way to the bed."

A fellow, yes. But a fellow Titan-Shifter? These things have killed his mother and his companions, and are the reason humanity is locked away inside the Walls. He's having a HUGE crisis of faith right now, and I don't know if he's ready to call her a Titan, just yet.

PRO:

That aside, I love the idea of him trying to take care of her and sleuthing his way towards the necessary materials like water. It's not a side of Eren we often get to see, and I'm happy you went about it the way you did.

Also, while I'm talking about Eren, I like the silent debate he has with himself in regards to the way humanity sees him as a Titan, how others view the people around him, like Mikasa. He IS a monster.

From the moment he pictures Armin and Mikasa as members of the Scouts, it all seems very Isayama-esque. Especially this part right here: "'If I leave…I won't see them or any of my other friends for a long time, if I see them ever again.' The smile faded, and Eren tightened his grip on the key before looking at Annie.
'Annie Leonhardt…is that even your real name? Are you even human? Am I human? Will I ever be able to find the answers to these questions? Will I ever see my friends again?' He sighed, letting the back of his head slam against the hard wooden door."

Pure gold, dude.
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Scene no. 2 - Annie, are you okay
-
PRO:

Not much to say here. I like Annie's surprise when she realizes Eren left her his cloak, and how tentative she is about getting up and even simple acts like turning the doorknob.

CON:

"She took a few steps down the hill before grinding to a halt, noticing a bare left arm on the other side of a large tree beside the river.
Her eyes widened as she stared down at the cloth in her hands. Annie approached the tree and sat beneath it, leaning back. She closed her eyes, sighing blissfully. The sound of nature was something she never failed to appreciate."

This made me think Eren was dead or she had found a dead body. I get what you were going for, but this could be a lot cleaner.

PRO:

However, the talk Annie has with Eren is also a major plus. I like the fact that, at first, he does not respond. It's Annie, the stoic, anti-social soldier that initiates the conversation. It's a reversal of roles as well as giving them some character development. Eren's decision feels earned. He would be the type to sit on info and then, as Levi has taught him, make a choice and move forward.

Final thoughts: Much better than chapter three. My investment is restored. Can't wait to get my hands on chapter five. :D

All right, this is a lot later than I wanted it to be, but I will now carry on with: Chapter III: Rescue and Identity

Scene no. 1 - Levi & Mikasa

PRO: The concept. A wounded Levi trying to keep Mikasa safe during a thunderstorm while also trying not to die in Titan territory; that's some great tension! I also love the description of the lingering Titans—very creepy.

CON: Now here are some examples of grammar/punctuation to be fixed: "Levi held the unconscious form of Mikasa Ackerman, her face pale and covered in sweat; the white, buttoned uniform she wore soaked in a mixture of blood and rising water."

Could remove the semicolon here and just have two, clean sentences. Also, why is the water "rising" on Mikasa? She could be drenched, or soaked or her clothes could cling to her and get wrinkly. But I don't see water "rising".

"Levi had taken off his emerald-colored cloak; a standard for every member of the legion to stay dry from the rain, in order to stop the poor girl from bleeding out."

Could add a couple of em-dashes — these bad boys — in-lieu of a semicolon, so it reads like this:

"Levi had taken off his emerald-colored cloak—a standard for every member of the legion—to stay dry from the rain, in order to stop the poor girl from bleeding out."

"The cloak was tightly wrapped around her back and over her wound, proving to be successful in stopping the bleeding."

You've already established this. Cut it.

PRO:

Mikasa ruining her own equipment through sheer force of will/Levi chastising her for it. You know, just watching Levi strategize is fun enough on its own. Seriously. If this was the subject of the entire chapter I wouldn't even care; it's so good! :D

CON:

"The Titan with the huge head heard something bounce off the massive tower of leaf-covered wood beside it, slowly turning to see the cause."

Show, don't tell. Why not have the Titan just turn its head as something bounces off the tree? Also, "leaf-covered wood"? Why complicate things? It's a goddamn tree.

"Suddenly, a lone hook was fired against its nape, the cold steel penetrating itself deep inside the flesh of the slowly turning behemoth."

The idea of this is fine, but seriously. You just told us it was turning around. Trim the fat.

PRO:

Levi's cold precision while escaping the Titan is a huge plus. The fact that he isn't getting out of the situation unscathed is also a wise choice on your part; it would have been easy to let him get off without a scratch due to his prowess or whatever, but you didn't. Good on you!

CON:

"Looks like this is where we die, Mikasa."

Nitpicking here, but wouldn't it be easier to think that sentiment than say it out loud? He's in a lot of pain and talking seems like a distraction. ...sorry, I know that was nitpicky. Let's move on.

PRO: The entire bit where Levi is laying there in the giant puddle is just...awesome. It's poetic, it's gritty, it's got awesome imagery, I don't know what else to say other than "oh it's good" because this is supposed to be a critique but man, I REALLY like this opening scene! The last sentence, right before Hanji comes in, conjures up the thought of white noise. Very cinematic. 3

CON:

Another small bit: "She quickly re-equipped her maneuver gear just as a group of 4 through 7-meter class Titans appeared from the west."

7 should be seven, 4 should be four. That's all. Next scene!

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Scene no. 2 - Eren's dream-sequence
-

PRO:

Well, I'm a sucker for trippy dream scenes, so I like this already. The tie-in with Eren reliving the moment he lost his mother—now as a young man—is very interesting, and exactly what I mean by show, don't tell. We SEE that he is powerless, even when he is older and has Mikasa by his side, even when they both have the Wings of Freedom upon their backs; yet they cannot save their mother from the inevitable. Awesome work!

CON: Though I feel it would have been more effective if you kept the narrative explicitly inside of Eren's head. Maybe even do some trippy first-person perspective to catch the reader off guard: for example, he looks over and sees Mikasa in her gear but she is looking at something else and so he turns to see and oops, it's Shiganshina.

Also, "Get away from her you fucker!"

One, you might want to put a comma between her and you. It'll read like speech. And two, the cursing. It's kind of silly, I dunno.

PRO: I like the idea of Eren using his ODM gear rather than his Titan to apprehend the threat. Cements the idea that he continues to reject the monster inside him, even if it kills him. Wonder what he'll make of FT...?

The rawness of the crash on the roof and his recovery only to see his mother's corpse, is a little rushed, but I like the idea. Perhaps this part could have been a little more, ahem—fragmented? It IS a dream, after all.

CON:

"Eren screamed to the top of his lungs, tears streaming down his face before beginning to choke on them."

A little dramatic, there. I get that he's dying and everything, but...it's dramatic. The ending also feels rushed; however, I like that in the dream, he literally dies fighting.
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Scene no. 3 - Eren, meet Annie
-

CON:

"Eren eyes shot wide open as he panted heavily, cold liquid trickling down his body. Drops of sweat formed at his chin while Eren wiped away the tears that had begun to form."

First, there's a missing apostrophe. It should be: "Eren's eyes".

Secondly, this reads a little too fast to be natural. Did he recover like a snap of the fingers, or does he have to convince himself his leg is still there, and that he is alive and not in the mouth of a monster?

All in all, I like this scene, but I wish you'd had Eren address FT's presence more before the reveal—her identity, her threat to him and others. She comes into the narrative like an afterthought when she's anything but that—heck, she defeated him and took him away from his own people like it was nothing. Shouldn't he be thinking about this?

PRO:

I like Eren evaluating his situation: his injuries, where is FT now, is she injured as well, etc. His search of the room for a weapon harkens back to the scene in the manga where he took down Mikasa's kidnappers, in a way. But again, it's still a little rushed. Don't be afraid to slow down and let the scene breathe.

PRO:

His reaction to his captor's appearance, as well as your description of her, is spot-on. Especially when you mention the color of her eyes/hair. It really gives you the feeling Eren is acknowledging her in terms of pure physicality rather than by name. Perhaps it's another form of denial? ;)

CON:

Another small nit-pick; would Annie necessarily be wearing her MP jacket? While in the forest, in the anime/manga, she kills a Scout and takes his/her gear and flare gun in order to throw off Levi's squad. Again, it's not a huge thing, but this sticks out to me.

"Eren was finally able to speak, his lips quivering as he said aloud the females name in confusion." Females should be female's.

Also, I would not have mentioned Annie by name. Not yet, anyway.

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Scene no. 4 - The Veterans
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PRO/CON:

"It was still noon outside, a shower of rain continuing to spread itself along the open fields outside the flooding forest. The ground was nothing but mud that sunk to Hanji's boots as she trudged towards their destination with Mike who had point."

Everything is fine until the last line. How exactly does someone "had point?" I am confused.

"Judging from how long we've been walking, we should be there soon." Hanji thought, her uniform drenched.

If she's thinking this, why are there quotation marks?

PRO:

She was sure that water somehow managed to get into her boots since her feet were freezing.
"Agh! (" delete this quotation mark, as she is speaking here) My boots are supposed to be waterproof! Fuck this weather!" She screamed, grabbing her hair and pulling it in annoyance.

This bit of Hanji having no chill, I don't object to as much as the ones previous. Wet boots are the last straw in this already stressful situation. Could tone her down just a tad, though, Maybe she tries to get her boots off instead and when she can't, she explodes.

CON:

Let's get back to typos!

"Oi…keep it down." He (he? is this Hanji or Mike?) heard Levi's annoyed voice fill her ear..."

PRO:

The camaraderie between Hanji and Levi is a breath of fresh air. I like Levi's perpetual discomfort because of his injury and Hanji's efforts to try and make him feel better—but she also can't resist messing with him, a bit. The jibe about drinks and making him taller was fun, and of course, this line is gold:

"I hate you," Levi responded, Hanji letting a grin form across her face.

CON:

"Hanji's eyes widened, seeing nothing but blood and dismembered corpses."

Could have gone into more detail on this. I don't mean gore, I mean the nature of their death. Are they slashed apart, cut open, in pieces across the landscape? This will not only make things more horrific, but also clue the reader in as to the nature of these Scouts' untimely demise.

"Did they get overrun?" Mike questioned, setting Mikasa down to check for medical supplies in the cart.

Oh, Mikasa is still here. Again, missed opportunity. Wouldn't it have been a lot funnier and emotional to have Hanji pipe down for Mikasa's sake, as well as Levi's? I don't mean to come off as this harsh, but you're killing me here, man!

PRO:

On another note, the rest of the scene is good! No problems that I could see, everyone is in character during the scavenge for supplies. I like Hanji's question about the Titans veering off course, it's a nice touch of foreshadowing.

But the cliffie. No. A thousand times no. It turned me off big time, man. If I wasn't reading this objectively, I would probably drop this just for the cliffie. Back-to-back cliffhangers are not a good idea.

Final thoughts: This definitely feels rushed at points. There are typos, nothing horrible, but they are noticeable. And it's frustrating, because I genuinely enjoy t

Update please

I'm baaaaaack! Albeit a little later than I wanted, but better late than never, I guess. Because ffnet doesn't recognize plus symbols, I'll take this line-by-line and scene-to-scene, listing the pros and cons as I go.

All right, here's my critical breakdown of Chapter Two: Into the Unknown

Scene no. 1 - Irvin and the Leader gang

PRO:

Opening scene is much more expository/relaxed than the last. Good choice, obvious as it may sound, to break up the action and let the reader breathe a little. Everyone seems recognizable, here, no complaints about the characterization.

In particular, I enjoy the discussion between Commander Irvin and Mike. Seems very manga-like. I can see it happening with the little panels and everything. :D

CON:

"'We're still far away from the Karanese District, a storm is likely to occur, and without most of our carts…'" Irvin paused and looked at Mike who was watching the legion; most of them conversing while others guarded the perimeter.
'It wouldn't be safe to advise such an action, especially if we're out in the open like this for too long.' Irvin stated, his head turning back to the forest. Mike glanced at Hanji before returning his gaze to the commander."

First of all, shouldn't Irvin's two bits of dialogue be on the same line as the exposition? (i.e. "Irvin paused and looked at Mike") Or perhaps split up the two lines of dialogue FROM the exposition so each is its own paragraph? The way it reads now, it made me think Mike was talking for a second.

Also, never ever ever ever EVER have dialogue end with a period if the character is still talking. Commas are your friend.

"Sir," Mike began as Irvin eyed him, "I request permission for me and Hanji to infiltrate the forest and attempt to find the missing members of our legion."

looks a lot more clean than

"Sir." Mike began as Irvin eyed him. "I request permission for me and Hanji to infiltrate the forest and attempt to find the missing members of our legion."

Also, and this is just a minor thing, maybe consider toning Hanji down, just a tad. I know she's eccentric and excitable, but she's also a leader. If Hanji has no chill, it's harder to take her seriously.

Scene no. 2 - Reiner

PRO:

Oh joy, it's Reiner!

I love the way you imply that all the gears are turning in his head without getting in too deep, and while we know exactly why he would be so concerned, we also know Irvin is right. The tension here is great!

I notice that Bertholdt comes in to act as the "damage-control"; hopefully we'll see more of that as time goes on. But the best part is that Reiner's already conflicted; he asks about EREN and MIKASA instead of you-know-who. So at this point, is he more soldier than Warrior? Does it even matter? Gosh, I love this kind of ambiguous stuff! :D :D :D

Scene no. 3 - Armin, Connie and Jean.

CON:

Maybe it's a little rushed? Could have had a frustrated debate between Armin and Jean and Connie (mostly Jean, let's face it) on what they should and shouldn't do. There's a lot of potential for something great with these emotions running high: Armin is worried about Eren and Mikasa, Jean doesn't give a shit about Jaeger. Connie just wants some answers.

PRO:

Don't misunderstand, I really do like the scene. I just wish there was MORE of it.
Also, Ymir and Krista/Christa. Keep them in your back pocket for later.

Scene no. 4 - Hanji and Mike.

PRO:

The technicalities of how these two dispose of Titans were fun to read. Really makes you feel that the pair are a couple of veterans. That said...

CON:

Again, consider chilling with the "hysterical laughter"; this makes Hanji out to be a wack-job. I get what you're going for, but it has to be cleaner.

PRO:

"Mike looked over to see Hanji's form fly behind a pair of Titans who immediately fell over. 'Nice kill!' She said with a grin, landing on a branch across from him.
'Not too bad yourself.' Mike replied."

Dat camaraderie, though! THIS is what I mean in terms of toning Hanji down. A big ol' grin is far more intelligent (and scary) than crazy-ass laughter.

CON:

Super-quick, and will be the last time I mention this:

'Nice kill!' She said with a grin...
and
"Not too bad yourself." Mike replied.

should be

"Nice kill!" she said with a grin...
and
"Not too bad yourself," Mike replied.

There are more of these instances throughout, but again: I'm not going to be an asshole and nail you for every single one.

PRO:

Another quickie: I like the introduction of a thunderstorm. It adds danger, and it also makes us think: "I wonder if someone Shifted?"

All right, let's tackle scene no. 5 - Eren and FT.

CON:

I think Eren could be a little more disoriented? Like, it just kind of flies by without much time to build up his return to consciousness. Is it raining wherever he is? How is he able to take in such specific details about the mysterious figure, "on its knees, steam surrounding the torso and left elbow which appeared to have no forearm below it". He just came back from an unsuccessful Shift.

PRO:

"Eren suddenly heard the figure begin to cough violently before puking blood all over the ground. He slowly reached out a hand before trying to communicate."

D: annie are you okay? In all seriousness, I like the concept that their injuries in the Titan-cockpit really do a number on their human bodies. Like, this might be my favorite aspect of the chapter next to Armin and Jean arguing in circles. Mad props for that, dude!

CON:

Maybe since he's so out-of-it, her vomiting is what snaps him back to reality? I like where you're going but again, he seems far too lucid.

"He was unable to speak however, feeling drowsy more and more every passing second. The figure suddenly turned its head slightly towards him. The first thing Eren noticed was a pair of grayish-blue eyes; eyes that penetrated Eren with an icy, cold stare.
'Those eyes...the female Titan?!' He now understood the situation and that he was in fact, defeated in battle."

SHOW, DON'T TELL.

"Rain began to fall as more thunder sounded, blue flashes happening constantly while Eren's vision faded."

The rain could have been what woke him up. You only implement it here and it feels like a wasted opportunity.

"'Where're you taking me…fuck! This is so fucked…I can't do anything...I can't…'" Okay, the swearing is a little excessive. Not too bad, but maybe lose ONE "fuck".

...is that the end? I think it is! Whoo, that was a ride.

Final thoughts:

While I worry that I'll come across as very harsh in this chapter, I want to also mention that pretty much all my problems have to do with wanting MORE. I wish a lot of this was fleshed out, because I really like your ideas, but they go by too quickly for me to really soak on them! The only reason I'm being so hard on you is because you asked me to, and I'd rather be brutally honest than too nice.

I hope this helps. Chapter three, I'm on my way...

Heyo! You asked me to tear this apart, and I'm happy to do so. but I'd also rather be fair when it comes to your positives. :P
Good aspects are indicated by plus symbols () and negatives are indicated by minuses (-)
So here we go: my constructive critique of chapter one, Taken (Redux).

A great opening. What's great about it? Well, the visceral quality of the battle meshes well with the prose and ends up creating this awesome contrast of brutality and elegance. Best way I could come up with to describe the way I feel. Good job!
- However, while your command of the English language is great, such intensity must be maintained. and...well, to be honest, it's kind of overkill. too many fancy words where simpler ones would have sufficed. Let's take a gander at this paragraph:

"The force of the blow cost him dearly as remnants of his hand dispersed along the trees in a surge of shattered bones and fleshy carmine smears. The stump of his fragmented forearm - shredded flesh and exposed tendons - steamed in excess as his body labored to replace what was gone. The temporary loss was worth it though, for the Female Titan lay on the ground - her face devastated to the degree of undefinable physiognomy. As his hand began to restore, Eren glared down at the immobile Titan as she slowly began to rejuvenate - hot vapor rising in an adagio from her ruined face."

Whoa, okay. Far too many words. And it's also very repetitive! How to fix it? At the risk of sounding officious, I will try and supply:

"The force behind the blow would cost him dearly; his hand shattered right down to the wrist, a mess of bone and shredded carmine tendons. The stump of his forearm began to steam in earnest. But loss of one hand hardly mattered; the Female Titan was at last disabled, more-than half of her face caved-in and shining scarlet and ivory. Eren glared down at the immobile Titan as she began to heal in kind - hot vapor rising in an adagio around them both."

You see? Still can be pretty to read without beating us over the head. We know each of them are regenerating. We know her face is fucked-up. We know Eren's hand is obliterated. Say something once, why say it again? There are other instances of repetition, but I'm not going to be an insufferable asshole and point out every one.

Despite my relentlessness so far, I must say that your characterization of Eren and the FT is pretty spot-on! I like how anguished Eren is, how furious his thoughts and actions are portrayed. He put his trust in his superiors, he did the very thing he (thought) he was supposed to do and it's gotten him nowhere. The world is cruel. And FT's just...watching him. Biding her time, and he's so overcome with emotion that it doesn't even occur to him what she might be waiting for, or why. Mad props for that! :D
- "his rage infused jades" Here's a little pet-peeve of mine: using fancy colors to describe eyes. (see also ORBS) Is it petty? Yeah, probably. But in all seriousness, I think "eyes" works fine and sounds waaaaaayyy less pretentious.
- Personally find the manga dialogue very jarring at times. This is nitpicky, though, haha.
- Here's a legit complaint: WAY too many uses of "as", too many synonyms in the beginning section. Trim the fat.
Cross-cutting between Eren duking it out with the FT & Mikasa and Levi? Awesome! I actually wish you expanded upon both Levi's and Mikasa's reactions, because it happens kind of fast and their POVs sorta blend together. I really like the idea, though.
- "Eren suddenly appeared before her, smashing the barely standing Shifter" I dunno if Eren would use the word Shifter. Maybe Hanji would, or one of the actual Shifters he hasn't met yet (hint hint), but at this point in the narrative it would seem that he's trying his hardest to dehumanize her. Calling her a Shifter would imply familiarity, and the last thing he wants is to be familiar with such a heartless monster, no?
You know how I've been ragging on about your prose? Here's an instance where I really like it: "As his wounds began to heal, he raised his head and looked down upon his unparalleled enemy. Their eyes locked with each other - even though she barely managed to evade his punches, there was no sign of fear present in her eyes, nor did she appear to look intimidated. Her lips were parted slightly, and her head was tilted in interest as if she were a child, studying her opponent with glistening, eccentric eyes. Before he could react, her left hand gripped his shoulder. It didn't appear to be a sign of attack...more like a motion to stop him.
Her sudden action sent an irresistible compulsion through his nerves - sparking the savage beast inside to life for an infinitesimal second."
Another good line: "He turned his enraged gaze back to her. It may have been the way he was looking down at her, or how he just so casually ripped her arm off, but it seemed to have sparked something in her. Her pupils were dilated, and her body tensed. She was definitely intimidated now."
"I'll tear you apart! Once my limbs regenerate, you'll be nothing but broken bones and pulverized meat! I'll make sure to savor your human form so you can feel the deaths of those you killed a million times over! Just you wait, you bitch!" Oh dear, he's not happy! :D Seriously loving every second of blind rage from this kid.
- "He wanted to see her blood spill, to see her beg for mercy as he utterly eradicates her." Should be eradicated. Past tense, not present.
THIS: "She quickly rolled her body to the side as his fist made contact with the tree, exploding it into nothing but splintered wood and the parted flesh of his right hand. He was now disoriented - blinded by the haze of their combined steam. She took this chance and sprinted to his side, swinging her fist into his right eye, immediately rendering it useless.
The loss of both his eye and arm left him unable to react in time as she came up on his defenseless right side - kneeing him in the chin. His lower jaw caved in and the momentum of the blow sent him flying back onto the soil - a shroud of dust surrounded him as the earth beneath his sudden weight compressed and crumbled."
That was FUCKIN' BADASS! :D
-"'Shit! I need to get up! C'mon!' Eren pressed his left hand onto the ground to use as support before beginning to lift himself up. He turned to see his enemy shifting into a stance that was too familiar for Eren's comfort. He knew this stance, this technique. He was taught this during his training, though due to time constraints, he was never able to fully perfect it." Eren's lucidity bothers me. Did FT knock some sense into him between his temporary malfunction or what? He was all: "tear the bitch apart" a paragraph or two ago, the transition comes off as sloppy. Don't misunderstand, I DO like the idea of him realizing some important things about FT, but it should have been smoother.
"Eren was blind, trapped, and defenseless - unable to get out from under her as she opened her mouth wide - her powerful bite clamping down on the meat of Eren's bicep. 'No! You won't get the better of me! I'll fucking kill you!'
Eren's words proved useless as she gripped his forearm tightly and heaved his only remaining means of defense from its socket." /sigh/ You never change, Eren. :)
"'Eren!' She screamed, watching in horror as the Female Titan pulled the flesh of the nape back to reveal Eren's human-self. He looked at Mikasa with half-lidded, dazed eyes as he was taken in by the prodigious jaws - the opposing Shifter's head tilting back moments later to allow Eren's still form to slide back into the cavern of her mouth." Again, awesome wording! Also think Shifter works in the case of Mikasa, who is not blind with rage like her adopted brother (yet).
I don't want to take up space by copy-pasting a bunch of lines into the review-space, but suffice to say Mikasa's whole moment of vengeance against FT is fittingly awesome.
-"Just a few moments before.." Redundant, seeing as Levi catches up with Mikasa in the same scene anyway.
Levi's assessment of his dead squad is nicely done, though. I like how cool he is, not quite emotionless but well-trained for this type of situation. He's a cool guy and you do well to show it!
Levi and Mikasa bickering is one of my favorite things. Maybe could have made Mikasa a little more defiant, an italicized word here or there. (i.e. - "'He is /alive/.'"" Still good, though. :)
-"You fool!" Levi yelled. "If only you had waited until I took care of the tendons in her arms!" AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR DAT! Really though, "You fool!" or "No!" or even "Stop!" would have sufficed.
"He landed a few feet away from Mikasa, stepping over the remnants to one of her blade-holders; the wires were bent and barely attached to the hand-grips, and the triggers destroyed with one bent lever - another missing along with a leaking gas cylinder off to the side." Awesome, yet heartbreaking.
-"'But…Eren…'" Hot tears began to freely flow down her obsidian eyes, blood escaping from her parted lips. She jumped up, screaming his name. 'Eren! Eren! Please! Come bac-' Mikasa suddenly coughed violently, blood spilling all over her legs."
I don't see it. Not the emotional outburst - I get that she's in anguish - but the way this is described, she's not going to live much longer at this rate. Levi’s got his work cut out for him.

With all that said, I don't regret putting time into reading this, or typing up this manifesto. I will gladly continue forward onto future chapters. Don't beat yourself up so much, dude. :3

Can you continue?