DO NOT DISGRACE CHRIS THORNDIKE OR ANYONE/THING RELATED TO SONIC X

oooooooooooooh new drama is coming i can feel it in the fanfiction, poor pit hes trying so hard and yet cant get rid of bayonetta i wonder what fate (and the writer) has in store for our favorite smashers next

To the person who wrote this inflammatory comment, review, or whatever…

That was totally uncalled for and clearly unnecessary. Don't you even know how rude that was when you typed this shit up?! This is what people call 'imagination'. People do this for a reason, whether that may be bad…it's not fanfiction for nothing. And also, that obscure vulgarity in your comment just completely ruined the moment where it is clearly not needed.

I hope you're proud of yourself for what you brought up to the author.

pls have the smashers beat the hell outta kirby next chapter for ruining it all, and another great chapter. love how only few know of the bombs but didn't do anything lol

Here’s a friendly tip in chapter 86, you mispelled Yume wrong, it’s actually spelled Yune if you’re referring to her from Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn. But otherwise this story is interesting to say the most at least.

Pretty good and interesting chapter, I like the fight scenes. Keep the good work up.
But you know, the person who wrote the long review? You’ve got good points and all, but I see you kind of copied off another person’s review-using the same statements...i get it you agree with but at least acknowledge the original comment, don’t just pass it as your own, otherwise it’s plagiarism. (Not that it really matters, it’s just a plain review...)

You want me to comment? By all means, very well then. Hmm!

First of all, both Kirby and Link cannot talk. Are you really that stupid? Of course there are stupid Princesses.

Next, Makato acts way too like yourself. I know this because I know you. I know everyone. And I can tell whenever one person makes their OC as supreme as they want themselves to be. Foolish nerd! Go take a hike!

You are the worst writer I have ever seen. Remember that. Your puny writing. Your horrible trash sentences, and you think it's pretty fun when you write it. DELETE THIS.

Now. I am saying this for your own good.

If not, then I hope you get killed painfully in a train wreck or in a car crash or jump into a volcano because you well be depressed for life in rehab because your smelly stupid parents forced you to go there because they were too embarrassed. Oh yes. And your Mother killed herself because of how embarrassed she was that she let an Error of Nature into this world. One more thing...

GO TO HELL!

Veri n1c3jYOst0riPE

(UPDATE with EDITS) I have to re-write this review because I wasn't satisfied with it, so I am going re-write the review and try to keep it quick as possible to let people know. Now I know some people here already said but I'll give you a proper review on this fanfiction. Let's start off the obvious ones

1. Grammer (already said before)
Again, like I have said before this is obvious. The main problem I see here is incorrect spellings and weird/ incorrect punctuations. There are examples in the chapters where the spellings are either incorrect or even improper use of grammar. But have no fear, there is a software that basically helps you with your spellings and grammar, it's called Grammarly and it's a freeware. You basically chuck your text in and let the thing correct the spellings and grammars for you.

Alright, let's start with the story itself, while the concept is interesting but I would like to point out several issues about this fanfiction. Again, let's start with the obvious ones.

1. Makato is a Mary Sue
In the beginning story, Makato has the ability to make potions etc. Which is an interesting concept but as we get further into the chapter, we can see that 3 men are attracted to her and every single people are engrossed towards her. This isn't a good idea to introduce a story and you're just making people confused about the story since no one knows who they are. Just like Star Wars: The Force Awaken where it also had that issue as well. She also has zero character development which means that there is no weakness of her, she has no obstacle to getting them through and it seems that she doesn't even grow out of her failures.

Now let's dive into the complicated part of the story

2. Fire Emblem characters are out of characters (not in game personality)
One thing I noticed is that almost all the characters are out of line in their personality and just feels offsetting. Marth, Ike, Roy, and Lucina are just out of place. Marth, of course, is loyal and kind, while you can do some of those random crazy moments. But keep in mind that in his games, he was nothing like this. (Later on the story it seems that he isn't engrossed with her anymore which is fine) Same goes for Roy as well where he doesn't act like that completely.
The one problem here is Ike, while in the game he's more reserved but in this story, he is just out of place. Like Makato, he has zero character development and to top it all off he denies and victim blames the person even though he did the chaos. I know it's supposed to be funny but that's just pushing it over the edge and driving his character away even more. Lucina is another issue I have in the story, sure in some moments she gave us some hindsight but in all times she acts completely weird. Like cringeworthy weird, again she doesn't act like this in the game. Corrin is a question for doubt since not a lot of people like the male counterpart, while Robin is the only one I would say that stayed intact in terms of personality etc.

3. Relationships (Between Makato and the 3 FE gentlemen)
Another thing that you seem to disregard is that Marth and Roy already had their fiancee in the games. For example, Marth has a wife which is Caeda (Mystery of the Emblem/ New Mystery of the Emblem [DS remake and only in Japan) while Roy's fiancee is Lilina (FE: The Binding Blade). While Ike shipping an OC I don't have issues with here but there a lot of question for doubts here, for instance, if Ike loves Makato then why would he do such things just to cause trouble? In the last Chapter (82) we see that he wrote her a letter and even flat out admits that he is going to cheat on her. This is just abruptly wrong and I even want to boo him for doing such a retarded decision, even Marth said it that She has to deal with his bullshits. The relationship here is also a mixed bag like sometimes the relationship gets along pretty smoothly but sometimes with Ike doing a stupid decision, the boat rocks which I don't see the issue here. But if Ike claims that he loves her, maybe he should not be doing those bullshits and wise up for once.

4. Useless Characters and plot convenience
There is plenty of useless character that basically does nothing but to serve as plot convenience, like in Sonic Adventure 2 where Knuckles and Amy are just there for plot convenience. Haru and Flora, while they did contribute something to the story, most of the time both are just there to distract the reader from the actual story. Jacob and Mike as well where they have zero background information (we barely even know who they are but the information given that they're part of the Tachibana family) and also serves as a distraction. Yumi also serves as a distraction where she doesn't even do anything to contribute to the demise of the smash mansion. The only character I see here is Michelle (Miru's Mother) where she did most of the work, giving the inner work about the mansion to Mikoru. Speaking of Mikoru, we barely know who Mikoru even is and his whole family. Even he and the rest of the goon was defeated, they get shoved aside like it was nothing and are just there like a disposable condom. Overall most of the characters are useless and doesn't do anything to drive the overall plot, the only person that I say was reasonable was Utora (Makato's Father) where he gave off information that was essential to the plot.

5. Bonehead decisions.
Much like Sonic 06 with characters making stupid decisions. This comes almost close to that, I already mentioned that how if Ike loves her then why in the hell is he making so much of these stupid decisions that could not only hurt their relationship as a whole but as well as disregarding human lives. For example, when we see the group entering the castle to defeat Mikoru. We saw that Ike just knocks everyone out and to the point giving them amnesia. Why would he do this mind you? Was his ego that huge and was it the fact that he was just being too self-centered, he doesn't even think twice before he acts it out completely. I already talked about how he acts way out character but this is just the tip of the iceberg where he also did plenty of stupid decisions.

6. Some other obvious issues
I'm just going to list them out here as fast since I don't need to go further into detail

1. There are some moments that are really Cliche, but then again some stories use that as well but the difference is that they did it differently while this story is just out in the open
2. I already said before, Mary Sue or Gary Stu where the characters are flawless with no issues at all
3. Expositions (in some chapters but overall it doesn't show any of the expositions)
4. Romance (again, while it's interesting with the Ike Shipping an OC since he doesn't show any sexual interest towards women in the games but there could be more improvements between Makato and Ike)
5. Source Material (I also said this before in the FE characters being out of whack, but please use the source materials to actually shape their stories around. I'm looking at you, Ike.)
6. The plot, there seems to be no plot at all and it is basically a bunch of collective stories which I'm fine with that as well but however, some moments tend to drag on way too much. (which isn't necessarily bad)

Lastly, do I need to mention Grammar again? No, I already said it.

Now I know that is only four things I pointed out and there is more, and I'm sounding harsh the whole time but I think in some moments there are some good points where you did something interesting. Let's start off with the killer Richard story, now that was interesting to me at least since Ike was mistaken that he had an affair with Samus which he didn't. And he had found many convoluted ways to convince her that he didn't cheat on Makato, which was great but there are some moments that aren't really necessary (such as the excessive violence between Ike and Robin), again it just seems out of touch for the characters to do so. But overall I feel like that was at least reasonable for an alright story. The Mario and Sonic war story, while it is tolerable but there are a lot of glaring issues coming from each and one of the characters particularly with Ike and some of the other male characters. The only person in this story was somewhat contributing was Samus even though she was forced by Mikoru's blackmail which I thought that was interesting at least to say and later on Ike revealed why he was acting like a total dick towards Makato, like I said before it was way of character and the way he explains it had doubts which are going to make the readers confused. Overall, a tolerable story segment at least.

I know that this is a long review here but you must understand why I went all of this way to give you this critique. Again, I am not necessarily here to bash you or whatever but I am giving suggestions to you on what you can use to improve here. Writing isn't easy, you have to plan everything out in the right order, if you screwed up then it would leave the audience confused even more so. As for suggestions, I would suggest you try and tone down the craziness of the story and set it with somewhat of a serious tone but can have some comedic moments. As for the characters, try to give them some character developments which can further expand their story, even though we know who they are but we are still wondering how much further they can go. For personality I would say for fire emblem characters at least, give them back their original personality but you can sort of mix them around which of course doesn't stick out like a sore thumb. As for Makato, again with character development. There seems to be a lack of character development where she doesn't have any flaws between the two in the whole entire story.

Overall, I envision a potential with this story and the concept of this is interesting. But just to make sure to incorporate these elements in. (Again, the internet is your friend so if you need help, just with a simple google search can find you the answer) But just to make sure that your character doesn't overpower the story as well as the smash bros characters. After all, this is the Super Smash Bros roster story but with the protagonist finding something along the way. I know that you don't read reviews as much but again, you have to understand why I wrote this review with a reason, to point the flaws where you can fix it the next time if you write a story. (If you need help, then contact me through Private Messaging)

(As for certain haters/trolls. Telling the author to "kys" or jump off the bridge isn't going anywhere. In fact, why do this in spite? If you think you're better than the author then go write a better story for yourself. You could have used those spare times to craft a better story or even give the author a critique but instead, you want to tear this person's life apart behind their monitor's shield. If you think you're invincible then forget about it. Anyway, this isn't a defense to the author but just like to point out that telling the author to "kys" isn't going to help the author at all. In fact, you're just asking for it)

Thank you for your time if you are reading this, again.

Now I know that I'm being a sore thumb here and mostly some people have said this before, but I will give you a proper critique/constructive criticism or review on this fanfiction. Let's start off with the obvious ones.

1. Grammer
Again, like I have said before this is obvious. The main problem I see here is incorrect spellings and weird/ incorrect punctuations. There are examples in the chapters where the spellings are either incorrect or even improper use of grammar. But have no fear, there is a software that basically helps you with your spellings and grammar, it's called Grammarly and it's a freeware. You basically chuck your text in and let the thing correct the spellings and grammars for you.

Alright, let's start with the story itself, while the concept is interesting but I would like to point out several issues about this fanfiction. Again, let us start off with the obvious ones here.

1. The Fire Emblem Characters
I think the one thing that had me wonder is how you made their personality feel off than the original game. First of all, you seemed to disregard about Marth and Roy's relationships as a whole. I would like to say that in the actual game, they already had their love interest, for example, Marth has a wife which is Caeda (since Mystery of the Emblem/ New Mystery of the Emblem) and Roy has a fiance which is Lilina (The Binding Blade). Now in this story, Marth was falling a bit out of character at the beginning, but he went back in character which I don't find any issues with.

But the problem would stem from is Roy and Ike, Roy acting like a complete teenager was way out of his character which was unlike in his game. I guess it made somewhat sense since Roy's identity was a mystery outside of Japan since Binding Blade wasn't released stateside and fans have to find a way to craft his own personality. But the game was released and already established his character, it just seems so off that he would like a stereotypical typical teenager and to the point acting like an asshole even though he was completely loyal to his friends and family.

Another problem I have the most is Ike, while the Ike shipping an OC is one thing I don't mind at all. The huge concern is his personality and his decision making, again in the game he has a different personality (which is quiet and humble but also kind). But in this story, he is just out of place. For example, he knocked everyone out (and to the point where the OC's friend has amnesia) when they're trying to enter the villain's castle as a group to rescue the OC. So why make him do this in the first place? His character was off from the beginning but that is just trying to push even further and speaking of which. The relationship between Ike and the OC is also a hit or miss, if he loves her then why would he make bonehead decisions to the point where it could hurt their relationship, he doesn't even grow from his mistakes at all. All he does is do the same or different bullshit and get the price to be paid for, they made up each other. Then, later on, he doesn't even learn from his mistakes and repeats. Same goes for the OC as well, she also suffers from the similar issues that Ike have (that is bonehead decisions and they never learns from their mistakes).

Corrin and Lucina, also I had issues with but I know this is sounding like dry salt but for god sakes, Lucina is completely weird (the whole weird food that makes people sick and the personality) in this story. She doesn't even act mature at all to the point where she is acting like a tween. Her personality is also way off than what she has intended for, she doesn't act like this in the game. Corrin has had that issue but except he is a crybaby, again he isn't in Fire Emblem Fates but it's just that he doesn't know how to make decisions. The only person I would say that stayed intact was Robin which I don't find anything off with his personality.

2. Character development. It seems that there is a lack of character development between the OC and the smash bros characters, Makato and Ike is the one where I could say they somewhat had but I'm just scratching the surface here. Well, let's just address the obvious issue. Yes, Makato is a mary sue. She is easily attracted to 3 men (the FE characters) and had no obstacles or consequence in getting through (she just magically walked past the obstacles without learning from it), and it seems that everyone likes her in the beginning for some reason. To the point where it's plot convenience. Makato didn't even earn the trust yet since one would expect that people would have doubt in the beginning, but no. Everyone like her which made the story going downhill than expected. As a whole, the story seems to lack in character development, where it's just jumping off the boat quicker than expected without thinking first. As a whole, I would say the story's character development is very lacking.

3. Useless Characters. I would just quickly say this as a whole, the other characters such as the villain etc are just plain useless. For instance, Mikoru just shoved aside after he went to prison or even defeat, it gave us no explanation to his background at all (I know Makato's friend mentioned it but again, very little) and the way how he planned everything out was stupid and ultimately got paid in the ass in the end without knowing the consequence. But most of the time he contributes to very little and doesn't even know what the consequence would hold at the end. Yumi and the others are completely useless since they don't contribute much to the story at all and are used as placeholders. The only character I would say that is doing something to contribute to the demise of the smash mansion is Michelle (supposedly Miru's mother) but even then after she is defeated, she also got shoved aside and provided very little background to her at all.

4. The one fatal flaw I see with this story is the lack of character growth, it seems that Makato suffers the majority of the issues since I don't see her grow out of her mistakes and instead, reverting back to the old habits which seem out of touch for the majority of the story (to the point where it's being repeated). I know I might have repeated this before but she needs character growth and needs to learn how to grow out of the mistakes. Because if she is lacking in weakness, then she isn't a good character. Just like Rey from Star Wars where she lacks any weaknesses and just seems to get out any situation by plot convenience and doesn't have any weakness that puts her in a screeching halt. And another thing that concerns me is the story itself, I know that you're attempting to make it comedic but in some situation, it seems really out of place and the timing is way off than it is before. Again, know your timing depending on the setting in that moment of the story. Lastly, the whole entire story it seems that all the characters are completely engrossed towards her which isn't a good idea to introduce the story which can leave bad impressions to people who is reading it from an analytical point of view.

Now I know that is only four things I pointed out and there is more, and I'm sounding harsh the whole time but I think in some moments there are some good points where you did something interesting. Let's start off with the killer Richard story, now that was interesting to me at least since Ike was mistaken that he had an affair with Samus which he didn't. And he had found many convoluted ways to convince her that he didn't cheat on Makato, which was great but there are some moments that aren't really necessary (such as the excessive violence between Ike and Robin), again it just seems out of touch for the characters to do so. But overall I feel like that was at least reasonable for an alright story. The Mario and Sonic war story, while it is tolerable but there are a lot of glaring issues coming from each and one of the characters particularly with Ike and some of the other male characters. The only person in this story was somewhat contributing was Samus even though she was forced by Mikoru's blackmail which I thought that was interesting at least to say and later on Ike revealed why he was acting like a total dick towards Makato, like I said before it was way of character and the way he explains it had doubts which are going to make the readers confused. Overall, a tolerable story segment at least.

I know that this is a long review here but you gotta understand why I went all of this way to give you this critique. Again, I am not necessarily here to bash you or whatever but I am giving suggestions to you on what you can use to improve here. Writing isn't easy, you have to plan everything out in the right order, if you screwed up then it would leave the audience confused even more so. As for suggestions, I would suggest you try and tone down the craziness of the story and set it with somewhat of a serious tone but can have some comedic moments. As for the characters, try to give them some character developments which can further expand their story, even though we know who they are but we are still wondering how much further they can go. For personality I would say for fire emblem characters at least, give them back their original personality but you can sort of mix them around which of course doesn't stick out like a sore thumb. As for Makato, again with character development. There seems to be a lack of character development where she doesn't have any flaws between the two in the whole entire story.

Overall, I envision potential with this story and the concept of this is interesting. But just to make sure to incorporate these elements in. (Again, the internet is your friend so if you need help, just with a simple google search can find you the answer) But just to make sure that your character doesn't overpower the story as well as the smash bros characters. After all, this is the super smash bros roster story but with the protagonist finding something along the way. I know that you don't read reviews as much but again, you have to understand why I wrote this review with a reason, to point the flaws where you can fix it the next time if you write a story.

(As for certain haters/ trolls. Telling the author to kill herself isn't going anywhere. In fact, why are doing this in spite? If you think you're better than the author then go write a better story yourself. You could have used those spare times to craft a better story or even give the author a critique but instead, you want to tear this person's life apart behind their monitor's shield. If you think you're invincible then forget about it. Anyway, this isn't a defense to the author but just like to point out that telling the author to kys isn't going to help the author at all. In fact, you're just asking for it)

Thank you for your time if you are reading this.

Just from this one chapter do I see unreasonable Kirby talking. You should learn to get a life from rehab, or even better, jump off a cliff to your doom.

hahahahah Takumi! XD

The story is well, decent enough...there's really no plot to this story, rising climax, etc. It's just collective story of a bunch of characters doing crazy stuff, unless you intended the "story" to be one. I could say say that the concept is quite interesting. The character, Makato, has the ability to create potions, which is finely unique.

Yet, my biggest concern is the fan character herself. I will say it, calmly, she has an attribute of a Mary Sue. She has easily attracted three men, whose personality are ignored (as in out of character), and captivated them; they are completely engrossed in her. This is ideally not good as for the introduction.

I envision potential of this story, and just make sure your character does not overpower the story as well the characters-after all, it's about the super smash bros roster.

Do you like Earthbound? Because it my favorite game along with my another favorite is Super Smash Bros.

I read Christmas special all parts I loved it.