I've read a few chapters so far. There appears to be no logic or actual chemistry between Lily and Scorp. It's baffling to me how your characters (all of them, not just Scorp and Lily) interact, as you describe them one way to have them act completely out of said character. Or sometimes the interaction is much too fast and the emotions literally change instantly; it disorients me and I have to read parts over again.

Most of your grammar is correct though, which isn't something I can say for a lot for other writers.

And, despite its flaws, the premise is still extremely intriguing, the setting novel, and reading is rather enjoyable. I just hope to see the writing mature and characters and plot to be flushed out, as opposed to making everything work around a seemingly forced relationship between two characters.

Also, sexual content so early is a put off. The reader feels no attachment to Scorp or Lily and this just seems like a pointless teenage fantasy. If you really want to get the reader worked up, and thinking about what happened themselves, try cutting the description off right after you've mentioned, say, Scorp pleasuring Lily's breasts. Leave it with a sort of witty, or even cheesey, cliffhanger that will entice the reader into thinking what happened.

Preferably though, just leave the sex out until there is intra/inter-character development.

Please, please, PLEASE, make sure there is an actual plot. We readers need some conflict to stay interested. It also allows for situations in which the characters can bond, and strengthen their ties with one another.

Keep writing and making content for your followers and newcomers alike! :)

Sincerely,
Etalyx

Brilliant use of one of Molly Weasley's greatest lines there. I hope the rest of the story is as good.

did she just break up wit him?

hmmmm
This doesnt make sense... just a thought having so many twist and turns kill the whole flavor
This started as awesome story line in the way it seems like too many twist swaying from one loop to other it feel too much of circus ... I was exhausted by the time i read this chapter

I like what you put in this but some how i feel i am feeling disconnected from lils random behavior , dont even understand why scor needs to put up so much fight to stay with her ... she hasnt proven anything till now for him worth fighting for ... evry time her priorities over rule everything basically

It feels too partial for other characters ...
I am not saying its bad but clarity seems to be lost is all my complain here is

I missed this story, I hope they stay together. I do not like this nurse. Keep writing ...

So good

how long did it take or them to come to?
where did Scorpius go first?

That our confusion. It seems to me that members of the Potter family only attracts confusion. I hope Lily recovers .. Keep writing ...

So good

Wow, Scorpius saved her instead ofcHarry! I am excited to see the family's reaction to all of this!

Soo good!

Loved the chapter, it seems that the Lily will have problems with the unexpected guest ...

So amazing!

Very exciting this chapter, here I am imagining this family meeting, I bet you'll have a bit of confusion, because the family appears to be very protective of Lilly.

Our deary Lily, her brother it will mess up your love life. Just when they finally came to dating, Lily begins to be pursued by the bandits, will have her brother by her side all the time. Oh life ... Loved the dedication of the chapter. I'll keep watching and you're on the right track in this story.