So, because Jack made it snow, he got banished? That doesn't seem fair!

seems interesting. it'll need more chapters to move past the "cool story bro" phase though.
Cant wait to see more!

XOXO- Lokitty2

You should write a sequel where the Guardians get called there and hear about this! That would be soooooo cooooooool! great work here!

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww...poor Jack!

Loved this! And a sequel would be amazing, maybe where Jack gets back on Odin's good side? I hate seeing/reading about Jack like that.

Please do a sequel! LIke maybe somehow those of Asgard (maybe Loki, and by slighter chance Thor) somehow offend the Guardians, MiM, and all Spirits on Earth when Jack keeps his promise to Odin (say during the Avengers movie). So in order to keep good relations with the spirits, the Asgardians invite the Guardians and some Spirits to Asgard to negotiate. But since Jack was banned, the Asgardians have to come to Midgard instead. So while in negotiations, the Guardians show just what harmful affect their treatment of Jack has caused him. And while doing so, at the same time show the Asgardians just what Jack was trying to spread to them all those years ago. Maybe out of curiosity and being a team, the Avengers can also show up in the fic.

I like this. When I first started reading I though "yay, they can see Jack" and then after his talk with Odin I felt bad for Loki. Now I feel bad for Jack! People can see him and he gets banished?! My heart hurts...you should so make a sequel. Please? I loved this and I need to know if Jack gets back on Thor's good side, if he actually does watch Loki even after being banished, and what happens to Loki!

Love,
Razor

Please create a sequel. I really like this one-shot.

ooooooo, please write a sequel! Oh and their dad's name is spelled O-D-I-N not O-D-E-N that's the only big thing I saw wrong. Can't wait for more!

ah man, Jack can't catch a break

Okay, sorry for not reacting to this sooner. I've been lazy and busy and my computer broke... Anyway, on to the review:
I like the first-person narration here. You weave Jack's thoughts pretty nicely into the narrative. I also really liked the conversation between Thor and Jack when they met. It felt natural for them and gave a nice amount of backstory, explained their relationship and had a reference to a very funny-sounding incident (Jack being mistaken for a frost giant. I can totally see that happening) in a short time. Great job with that!

With that said, you could maybe have slowed things down a bit especially towards the end. I know it's just a one-shot, but it could have been made longer while still kept as a one-shot. You could have described things a bit more; I would especially think that Jack would like to describe Asgard in a bit more detail. Also it would have been good to elaborate on the possible effects the snow had on Asgard and its people and let the people see the Asgardians' reaction. We did see Odin and Loki's reaction but a bit more examples of anger/frustration would have been nice.

Also, I noticed you switched the narration from present tense to past tense halfway through, which is kind of distracting. You could also maybe change the brackets to dashes. At least I've been taught brackets don't have a place in texts such as this... well, maybe with some exceptions, I mean, creative writing isn't that tied down with grammatical rules. Actually, some of the sentences you put in brackets would in my opinion be just fine without brackets or dashes and just being a part of the narrative.

All in all, I liked the idea and your writing is good. In my opinion the story could be a bit more polished but I still liked it. Maybe work on the descriptive texts a bit more, seeing how your narrative is already quite flowing and nice. Of course, I'm not a professional writer by any means so what I'm saying may not be the best advice but... I try. :)

Thanks for advertising my story by the way! And It's so nice to see that someone read my story and got an idea out of that. It makes me happy!

First some corrections his name is Odin. Jokul is a real Norse entity so I'm not surprised about him talking to Thor. In the end it was a great story.

Well, now we know what he did to leave a bad impression on Asgard. Why don't they give him a break? He's just a kid. For all eternity. And he thought snow was fun, cause that is what he does with it. I want to hug Jack now.

I realize this seemed rushed a bit, This is a One- shot meaning just this one chapter, Sorry for the misspelling of Odin's name, I won't continue this.
I am assuming that The Avengers were being attacked by Loki at the same time the Guardians were being attacked by pitch.

It's a nice idea. :) i think you rushed through things a little bit but it's still okay. :)
"Then again, they seem to be the only ones who see me. Then again, " you should try to use different beginnings on sentences. ;)
And thor's father is called "odin" not oden. ;)
Would like to see where you want to go with this :)