Great.

Wow...

This could've been a cutscene, it was written so well. I could actually picture it in my head. Poor Fettel, poor Alma, though Alma was not portrayed as someone to be pitied in this piece, at least not to me.

The words were flowing and poetic and narrative in nature, but not hammy or over-the-top. Your vocabulary was extensive enough to correctly describe emotions, sensations, actions, etc. but not too much that made it feel awkward or forced. Bravo! I loved it very much. :3

Masterful! I've been waiting for someone to write a story like this for ages and this is wonderfully written.

Hey, I'm glad you're making more stories for F.E.A.R. :)

Your prose meanders a little, yet is rich in evocative images and presents a glimpse into the warped mind of Fettel's. His motivation for rebelling against Alma does feel much more compelling than anything Niles ever excreted.

I would, however, suggest that you keep the tense consistent - at certain points, you flit back between past and present. While undeath may grant a certain degree of temporal confusion, it jumps out to me as a reader and pulls me out. Aside from that, it's a nice attempt to set up a change in Fettel's motivations that still fit him as a character - doubly surprising because, personally, he was never my favorite.

Amazing! You really should do a novelization of all the F.E.A.R.'s! Update ASAP! :):):):):):) Long Live Alma!