Why all the random spacing?

I loved this story other people can piss glass
... I was glad that the spacing only happened in chapter 2 and I love how she was actually from ME so it makes sense that she's a great fighter keep up the good work

i cant wait for the sequel

The story to my own view is great, just you need to come back and fix the minor errors as I see some misspelled words and stuff in the beginning chapters as well as a few others. Other then that I liked this besides the few who complained about it.
If I could rate this (in reality I can’t as I am not a admin to this site), 4.7/5 Fan Fic Stars; due to minor errors in chapters.

Nice try but I hate how her culture is covered up. This is written so fast I think you did it in a blender...err your smartphone. This is why I refuse to ever own a cancer phone.

This story seems really forced. It's moved way to fast, and it's just not flowing. I don't think I'll be reading on from chapter 2.

Chapter 2 has quite a bit of spacing issues with your words. Inbetween letters and such. Fyi. Reading on.

I was honestly looking forward to this fanfic. Witch from our world in middle earth? Sounds hella awesome. I barely got through the first paragraph though when I realized she was actually a Mary Sue. From that one paragraph I can sum her up to be a "badass loner with an I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude."
I believe your first mistake was pretty much giving every detail about her in the first paragraph. A real story would spread out the characteristics and skills of the heroine throughout the storyline, not introduce everything in one huge blob.

Your second mistake wasn't that prominent, but it still could've been fixed. You made her out to be a freaky outcast. I honestly despise OCs like that unless they have a very good reason. I haven't bothered reading further than the first paragraph to know the reason why, and I honestly don't want to. This first paragraph just screamed that this story was most likely a recipe for disaster.

Your third mistake was making her a skilled fighter. She's already a witch and can defend herself just fine with her spells. I can understand the need to not always have to rely on spells to back you up out of a fight, so simple self defense would've worked. Instead, you've already given me the impression that she's some badass fighter whom every gang in town is afraid of.

I've read a few other comments before making my own, and I'm skeptical about reading this story. At least,I'm more skeptical than I already am. Apparently some scenes are too forced as well as the relationships being formed. Again, I haven't even read all of chapter one so I can't judge you too harshly but I'll say this: Read over what you write.

If you cringe at a scene then you should consider making some changes to it. If after 45 chapters the relationship between two characters still seems forced, then perhaps you're not doing something right. Again, I suggest you should look back over this story and heavily consider making some changes to it.

Some may say I'm flaming you, and truthfully I sort of am, but this is mainly just a huge critiquing lesson which I strongly hope you'll listen to. Your summary of this story already gives it the potential to be awesome. Now, you just need to actually learn to write it out without it seeming fake or Mary Sue-ish.

OMG AWESOME STORY SO FAR! And i love the Balto quote. Ok I'm gonna go finish the story...

Right, I tried, I really did. I've looked for Thorin with a mortal so i was excited...

I'm saying this to be nice. Your character is a very obvious sue. Tragic past, long over the top name, the "best" at fighting and everything else, and even a witch! It's one thing if you wanted her to be a sue, but if not I'd put her through a sue checker to improve her. We've all made sues so it isn't ne cesarily bad, but it is jarring.

Your writing format... there are odd gaps in the words that interrupt what little flow there is. I'm assuming it's a result of typing on your cell maybe, or some technology break down from proprer grammar.

The way you have your sentence structure is jarring, painfully so, for people who pay attention to grammar. You don't flow in your writing, you bump umcomfortably at every turn.

Thorin is a dwarf with notorious dislike for elves. Speaking to him in elvish would probably irritate him. As for the sex scenes... they seemed forced, and you must remember the period of time you write in. I would think they are too modern for a dwarf in a realm like middle-earth. The way your oc talks is also not how she should. People, in reality, would be put off by her language. It's like me walking into a job interview or into casual society talking like that. They would be unimpressed, disgusted, and I sure wouldn't get the job or anywhere in life.

Take this as a flame, if you like, but this is actual advice for you as a writer. Find a beta, also. They are a big help in control and poining things out you don't think of.

MARY SUE!

You could improve a bit on your spelling and story structure but other than that, good plot and good character. Definitely not one you see on your everyday search list.
SOOOOO good. Keep up the work.

phew, looks like the editing did indeed get better...

I hope it stays like that :)

holy hell, the editing on this chapter is a nightmare...

I *really* hope the editing gets better...

I like your story, but the spaces in this chapter kept distracting me! I like the song!