...is the officer horny now? mind: save me

Ooooooooh someones BUSTED! :D

HAHHAHHA OH MAN
EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT
AND THEN THE ENDING OH MY GOD

lol that is perfect

holy. fucking. jegus. this was amazing /

Oh my God that policeman! XD

*applauds at the ending*
The ending is just...*laughs*

Oh my gawd the ending was so funny

... Sempai approves. *Vanishes into a poof of smoke and gaysparkles.*

IM LAUGHING SO HARD AND I CAN STOP I NEED SOME WATER FUCK

oh, oops, i didnt know it didnt show some symbols. obviously the slashes are supposed to have equals signs around them, and are supposed to mean "doesnt equal"! my bad

okay, so.

while this was pretty well-written and i didnt manage to spot any grammar errors either (congratulations, this isnt very common), i found it very inaccurate when it comes to how sexual intercourse between two males actually works like in reality. dont get me wrong, it was still better than the majority of the fics on this site, but:

1) generally the number one rule of first times is that theyre awkward. you arent automatically a sex god during your first time - how can you, when youve never had sex before? of course, as with everything else, there are exceptions to this rule, but theyre very rare and i think that john and dave especially wouldnt exactly be very good at it at the beginning, considering the fact that theyre both kind of, yknow, huge awkward dweebs.
personally i didnt think the atmosphere of this was fitting for a first time - i liked the parts where you mentioned the nervousness, but other than that they seemed too experienced for a first time. have they ever fooled around before? i think you said somewhere in there that theyve never gotten this far before, or something along those lines - so i guess maybe they have? in that case im not too sure if this qualifies as a first time. first time doing anal, maybe, but that wasnt specified in the summary.

2) have you ever tried having sex in a car? its not exactly the most comfortable thing ever (a/n i say this as if i hAVE OM G... . DNJFRGT... they dont need to know that though shhh). i didnt spot any hints of it being a bit cramped in there or anything. this kind of ties with the awkwardness thing in a way but, yeah. car sex / sex on a bed, and also car sex usually / comfortable sex.

3) it seemed to me like john was doing all the work and dave was mostly just kind of laying there, not really participating. why? this isnt how sex is supposed to work. maybe in yaoi animes, or maybe when its stupid teenage sex between a huge douchebag and some sort of an unexperienced virgin. ideally, partners are supposed to be equal during intercourse no matter who tops (unless its a D/s relationship).

4) did they plan this? i didnt notice any mentions of them having previously discussing things. yknow, an anus is not a vagina - it doesnt clean itself like a vagina does and gay guys have to actually clean their asses out before they do anal. doing it without that would be sort of, um, super gross. this is kind of a huge pet peeve of mine - almost everytime i read a smut fic they just go for it at a completely random time and like, no big deal, my dicks gonna be covered in shit, thats totally not absolutely disgusting, nope.
also, about the discussing stuff - have they decided whos gonna top/bottom beforehand? if so, it wasnt mentioned at all. how come dave automatically bottoms? i know he was the one who initiated that (which i guess kind of excuses this in a way? not really but its better than nothing), but still, gay couples usually discuss these things, especially before their first time.

in conclusion - i give you credit for your writing and grammar skills, but if youre gonna write about sex between two guys, then do your research, please.

(by the way, watching yaoi anime and reading a few fanfics doesnt count as research, but thats just a tip)

please try to keep this in mind. im sorry if i was a bit of an ass, i tend to get angry about inaccuracy in smut fics since its so common. but i have the best intentions - i took the time to point these things out to you so you can improve.

have a nice day! :)

Wow, dick move, policeman. Dick move. LOL XD

okay, so.

while this was pretty well-written and i didnt manage to spot any grammar errors either (congratulations, this isnt very common here on ), i found it very inaccurate when it comes to how sexual intercourse between two males actually works like in reality. dont get me wrong, it was still better than the majority of the fics on this site, but:

1) generally the number one rule of first times is that theyre awkward. you arent automatically a sex god during your first time - how can you, when youve never had sex before? of course, as with everything else, there are exceptions to this rule, but theyre very rare and i think that john and dave especially wouldnt exactly be very good at it at the beginning, considering the fact that theyre both kind of, yknow, huge awkward dweebs.
so, personally i didnt think the atmosphere of this was fitting for a first time - i liked the parts where you mentioned the nervousness, but other than that they seemed too experienced for a first time. have they ever fooled around before? i think you said somewhere in there that theyve never gotten this far before, or something along those lines - so i guess maybe they have? in that case im not too sure if this qualifies as a first time. first time doing anal, maybe, but that wasnt specified in the summary.

2) have you ever tried having sex in a car? its not exactly the most comfortable thing ever. i didnt spot any hints of it being a bit cramped in there or anything. this kind of ties with the awkwardness thing in a way but, yeah. car sex / sex on a bed, and also car sex usually / comfortable sex.

3) it seemed to me like john was doing all the work and dave was mostly just kind of laying there, not really participating. why? this isnt how sex is supposed to work. maybe in yaoi animes, or maybe when its stupid teenage sex between a huge douchebag and some sort of an unexperienced virgin. ideally, partners are supposed to be equal during intercourse no matter who tops (unless its a D/s relationship), and especially so if theyre of the same gender (im a strong supporter of female/male equality [during sex and otherwise] but, you know, im trying to be realistic here).

4) did they plan this? i didnt notice any mentions of them having previously discussing things. yknow, an anus is not a vagina - it doesnt clean itself like a vagina does and gay guys have to actually clean their asses out before they do anal. doing it without that would be sort of, um, super gross. this is kind of a huge pet peeve of mine - almost everytime i read a smut fic they just go for it at a completely random time and like, no big deal, my dicks gonna be covered in shit, thats totally not absolutely disgusting, nope.
also, about the discussing stuff - have they decided whos gonna top/bottom beforehand? if so, it wasnt mentioned at all. how come dave automatically bottoms? i know he was the one who initiated that (which i guess is better than nothing), but still, gay couples usually discuss these things, especially before their first time.

in conclusion - i give you credit for your writing and grammar skills, but if youre gonna write about sex between two guys, then do your research, please.

(by the way, watching yaoi anime and reading a few fanfics doesnt count as research, but thats just a tip)

please try to keep this in mind. im sorry if i was a bit of an ass, i tend to get angry about inaccuracy in smut fics since its so common. but i have the best intentions - i took the time to point these things out to you so you can improve.

have a nice day! :)

That ending was so pro.
Love that fic btw