Please update soon

Alyssa' reasons for hating the Cullens are pretty stupid. It's not their fault that the pack and jacob wouldn't talk to her

Perfect! Im completely hooked. I love this new perspective and she awesome.

Can't wait to see what happens next so I hope you update again soon plz.

12.
VAMPIRE SENSES
That Alyssa Swan Screamed with her own sister suddenly had bad Stomachs but Ripped lose Greenish bood as all of them but Alice heeard her Roaring withn her sister was Hissing they had as all more than from all of all of states ratttlesnake blod thrashing but Leting loose a Wild Fit Alice calm them down but too late died there with a Ruptured stomach too badly that Alyssa Spoke theis very more famous word sputtered out blood Wha-What you do to me i am so hungry i want blood now oh my GOD! They are what Haf-human and Half-Vampire slayers they killed people each both With them with Rattlesnake blood and venom extemely far too much many more oh god GET US With the newborns out of here STOP! You broken this law that Kiled very with more that the Screams blasted with the Swan sisters were forbidden but with as all of them screamed but it happened burst outside who exploded but shattered too late but Resurrected with more but too soon but too late disconnected from families all of them friends with loved ones but each both of their lost children but they all lost the need to mate from the womb followed them in Death but they reappeared reported of a Army of good Vampires acted like the Prophets the evil Army all of them were the Pah-wraiths Alyssa Bella with all of you are Born Vampire slaying and Hunting Children from the Drug is real you are no longer humans are Hybrids that was it what happened you can't have children it is the logical step you adopt them that it happened they never aged but went old after the eyes went golden but it made them Completely but truest Immortal but haven't aged a day but it really happened blasted outside but never had blood at all cracked free of it but they were the same ones with imprints with kids and great great great grandchildren all of them descended from them but shattered free but wanted Vengeance but they Attacked Newborns in their rage of anger then Mess with me you'r Sushi Alyssa began chanting held a Ward speaking Tibetan Her Hair was Flying eyes closed by focusing her Strange ESP Powers emerged began to fly in a Symbolic fashion Called out in a Ringing Voice of all MARS FIRE CELESTIAL SURROUND! STRIKE! Her new found Fire based powers Roared But Rolling from her own body that herself was dressed as a Sailor Guardian I Am the Pretty Guardian of War i an the Name of Mars I WILL PUNISH YOU IN THE NAME OF THE SILVER MILLENNIUM I AM SAILOR MARS! The newborn roaring herself began to Awaken a stronger but fiercer fire deeply made a sound then was Really Angry as a Sailor Scout Moved her own arms covered then the other arm but a Red hottest light was coming from her them suddenly Yelled MARS FLAME SNIPER! She fired then reached ito it's heart it Screamed LOVELY! It Exploded then herself was a Sailor Senshi with them dressed Alysaa what is onto yourself her head is Glowing forged a Golden tiara shattering with them Ascended as Super Sailor Scalos then it happened the very as all of them were mess with us we are no longer humans were are the Pretty Guardians of the 30th Century reincarnated with a Sailor Cystal we were sent from the far future from Crystal Tokyo, Japan you can't kill us we are Evolving as we speak we Represented as all of the worlds of the Glorious Silver Millennium beware i have Hyberactive your cells are poison we are Judge Jury and Executor and Enforcer we Enforce your army you can't escape Victoria you been Deactivated Your Cells will burn you Alive Alyssa is gifted has the ablity to poison your skin alive via from her powers that Scalos Deadly BURNING LAVA! herself whispered this newest attack sound like Sailor Pluto's attack was thrown to her splashed was acidic waste right onto her screamed was really mad herself was somber but serene but herself was in a rage of grief Jake Execute Order 66 now that he obeyed with Her Commands was Mind Control that was Destroyed but they blazed her for good officially.

Heh. You can tell that you are a loyal WWE fan, given that you mention that Alyssa's favorite TV show is the three-year Monday night wrestling, not to mention that her best human friends are Nikki and Brie; all you need now is for one to date a gorgeous, muscular guy named John, while the other one dates a somewhat homely guy named Daniel (or Bryan).
So far, it's an interesting story. One thing I wondered at is how you referred to Bella and Edward telling Aly about vampires & shifters, but only as a last event; don't know why you didn't just do that scene normally.
Looking forward to the next chapter. Peace outl

i love it! pleaaaaaseeeeeeeeeeee update soon... it's great ... as well as it is an option for all fics where jacob fight against imprinting

Oh, you do do run-on sentences. By now they should be gone or limited since we will talk about how to eliminate them without changing the pace, as I said before. I think I'll print out the pages, do the editing, then scan them to you. That way you'll have a copy as we talk. (Sure is different editing in this age and time. In the past, we'd be on the phone for hours. now we have multiple ways to communicate. Maybe we should Skype. we can decide later.
There are a few things to alter, nothing big so we'll save them for after you proofread. You'll probably change them without any suggestions from me.
Basically, a good chapter and way that you had Jacob and Alyssa discover they were soul mates. They knew it already in their hearts, and the "look" was just verification of it. It was a nice description of the acknowledgement: calm and direct with a loving pleasure. Nice.

Call and let me know if you are getting these!

I hope you are getting these. I didn't check on how to use the site, so I may be wasting my time typing suggestions when you don't get them. :(
A lot of run-on sentences. Some mistakes that are obviously you thinking ahead of your typing. Easy to correct once you proofread the chapter.
Now, I had problems with the beginning. I felt the reader was dumped into the scene without it being clear that she learned they were vampires, etc. I think if you reread it, you'll correct it. Just give us more info on how she learned it, not just announce it Or go back into chapter three and expand on her being told.
The same goes for some interactions of the characters. There is no background info on their relationships. It's just assumed we know. Authors do that a lot. They know their characters and the relationships and history but the readers don't. You need to tell the reader so the plot can go forward smoothly.
"The blond" and "the brunette." I think you have a reason for the repetition, but there's too much of it. It gets confusing and slows the pace. Using their names or "she or her" will clear any confusion up and not not overdo your reason for it.
Okay, this was more of a real editing. I've learned we'll need to talk directly so I can ask you questions as I read. And it'd be good if you proofread the chapters as you said you need to.
The book is interesting and with small amount of changes (and finishing it...lol ) it'll be ready to submit to a publisher or Amazon. :)

I think you ended the chapter at the right place. It leaves the reader wondering what will happen next, and keep them reading. Some very good things going on. There is need for grammatical corrections...way too many run-on sentences. That's easy to remedy. You need to review the rules for apostrophes and some other things, but that's all mechanics.
What is great is that you have a definite "voice" that carries the novel forward.
Keep going!

You are doing a great job of setting up the characters and their relationships, luring us into wanting to know what their relationships will be. It needs editing, but that's normal in a first draft, and in second and third drafts, too. You are able to describe people and setting quite well, giving us a clear picture of each without adding needless words or phrases. You are developing the background and setting up the plot. I'm curious where this will lead.

Hey! Great chapter! Can't wait for the next one! xoxo

This was a great chapter! :)
I feel like their should be a confrontation between Bella and Alyssa/the pack. Though maybe add more of a lead up ?
Idk either way i love your story :)

another wonderful chapter. please update again soon.

Wow. I love that you added James and them to the story. I fantastic to see where you go with this. I'm definitely excited about future updates.