I’m enjoying the story.

Just checking back to see if you had returned to this story, but sadly nope.
But I see you are writing others. Good for you.
Will check back in a few months to see if any progress on future chapter.
Nans

See, now you've gone and done it. I read this story to get some context on your writing style and fandom, and now I'm hooked. I just have to know what's going to happen next. Andrea is such a fantastic character, and your portrayal of her thoughts and demeanor are just so darn enjoyable. She's definitely up there on the list of some of my favorite antagonists. That however, doesn't take away from the other characters in this story. You have a way of making readers invested into all of their motivations and emotions. And how you've been able to weave such a fantastic web of suspense has been delightful. I'm sold!

Best,
Zad
Critics United

Chuckle. But you are still with us writing.
Not like some writers who have SD o many stories going that they leave others behind. One such writer has over 13 stories going. I put her on my only read when finished the original story she has left hanging since 2014.
Keep working and I will keep coming back.

Still here enjoying this story.
I just forget about it, but then when the other fan fiction stories I follow bog down I return to see if new updates.
Continue on to the next chapter.

I actually watched seaQuest as a kid, but as that was twenty years ago, I’m afraid I have to consider myself fandom blind here.

Warning up front: I tend to throw in a little humour in my reviews as well as my beta reading at times; it’s meant to lighten things up, but I guess it could also come across as snarky or overly sarcastic at times. In that case, apologies up front!

Now onto the chapter:

I really liked both the beginning and the ending here in the first chapter. Starting with the discussing of the two military guys gives the reader a bigger picture and already an idea of what to expect once the story shifts to the seaQuest. In that regard it serves as a great hook to keep people reading throughout the chapter, with the cliffhanger at the end doing the same for the next chapter.

I’m a bit confused about the two men’s characterisation, though. First, it seems odd to me that you keep calling them by their first names most of the time. They’re high ranking military officials, who are also not part of the main team, where it seems more natural that everyone is on a first name basis.

Second, I’m really not sure who’s the good cop and who’s the bad cop in this scenario. Or even if there is such a division here. Going by the team’s later reaction to the general, he seems to be the show’s bad cop, yet he’s the one who wants to help the colonists, while the admiral doesn’t want to get involved. I get that the seaQuest isn’t a warship, but it’s manned by military personal and armed with torpedoes – so why exactly is sending them to defend a colony that asked for help against terrorists such a big deal?

There are a couple of things that occurred to me in the writing:

"This isn't something up for negotiation, Bill.” – Personal preference, I guess, but I would either make that “This isn't up for negotiation, Bill”, or “This isn't something that’s up for negotiation, Bill.”

Elysium colony put out a distress call, and-"
"They're in open territory," Bill said.
"Because of a terrorist threat," – This third line of dialogue doesn’t really seem to fit with either one of the previous two. The terrorist thread has nothing to do with the open territory, so it’s not a reply to that statement. The flow of the sentence doesn’t really make sense if it’s a continuation of the first line, though. At least drop the “and” in that case.

"Not this time. That would be easy; at least we'd know what the motives are.” - I think “what *their*motives are” sounds better.

He took a bite of his breakfast sandwich. – This seems unnecessarily complicated. What’s wrong with just saying sandwich? We know it’s still breakfast.

"I trust you'll listen to her," he said warningly.
"I've been a perfect angel so far," he replied, holding his hands up. – You have two male characters talking in this scene. Just going by the text, including the lines before these, it’s not clear who is saying what. Of course there’s context, but the text should be clear as well.

Both men took care of their trays and started toward the lab. Once there, Kristin greeted them both with a smile. - I’d say the second both is unnecessary. Plus, it’s repetitive.

She shook her head. "But I can tell he'd rather be doing something else,” – while Kristin shaking her head does serve as her saying no, it still seems very unnatural to me to not have her say it is well. I really thought about this one and tried imagining people replying in this way and I just *can’t*.

"I honestly don't care how you do it, but you make sure this colony is safe. But you remember that safety is the first priority here.” – This is like “but remember what I just said in the previous sentence”. This should be completely rephrased.

"Good luck, Nathan. Keep in touch," Bill told him, a hint of apology in his voice. - Shouldn’t it be ‘a hint of *an* apology’?

“…but the UEO Counter-Terrorism Department really became interested in him a year ago when there was an accident at a political rally.” – I really hope that you meant to write ‘incident’ here, because someone opening fire at a crowd of people hardly strikes me as an accident.

“Word is that the person who did it is a part of Bourne's group, but no one could find the weapon or the person who did it.” – Obviously, the sentence is extremely repetitive. Why not just write ‘the shooter’ instead?

"He's twenty-four, actually," Lucas replied. "And he's an American."
Tim raised an eyebrow. "How did he manage that?" – Is that like… a serious question? What exactly is he curious about, how the guy managed to be twenty-four years old or how he’s American? The answer to both: He was born twenty-four years ago in America. ;)

There were a few minutes of silence before Jonathan spoke again – ‘Minutes’ seems pretty exaggerated.

He shook each of their hands as each of them introduced themselves. – Repetitive again, plus a kinda sounds as if the guy is shaking both their left and their right hands as he’s greeting everyone.

I also think there could be a bit more description during the dialogue between Nathan and Kristin as they run into each other in the hallway. It seems like he’s putting himself out there a bit, emotionally, when he asks her to eat with him, so it would be nice to have a look at his reaction as well. Is he worried she would say no? Relieved when she agrees to lunch? Anything!

The last thing considering the writing would be that you really use ‘said’ a lot. I guess I’ll let others debate over whether said is dead or not; all I can say is that it definitely stood out to me, and not exactly in a positive way.

While the plot of the chapter was a very solid start to a probably equally good story, there were a few things that seemed to bit off to me:

For example, why shouldn’t Lucas tell Kristin that he thinks their experiment is a waste of time at this point? This isn’t about him just dropping everything, after all, it’s about him being allowed to voice his opinion. No scientist worth their salt should be afraid of having their work challenged, Nathan really should realise that.

Both men took care of their trays and started toward the lab. – This line kind of made me chuckle, considering that Nathan had an emergency call from the Admiral waiting. Boy am I glad that he took care of his tray first! As he also chats with both Lucas and Kristin for a few moments after his arrival in the lab, Nathan’s statement later to the Admiral that he came as fast as he could really seems like a lie here.

"You should know as well as I that there isn't always a place for morals in situations like this," General Thomas replied, a hint of anger in his voice. – This brings me back to my very first point about it not really being clear whether the general’s playing the good cop or the bad cop here. He’s the guy who wants to send the seaQuest to defend the poor helpless colonists against the evil terrorists; the one who cares about “human beings in danger” no matter the jurisdiction and yet now you have him proclaim that there is no place for morals in this? More so, he even outright says that he doesn’t care how Nathan handles the situation, as long as he keeps the colonists safe, although this is twisted around as well, as he follows that statement with the twelve hour deadline out of nowhere.

Considering that I have no memory of this guy from canon, I obviously can’t say how consistent his portrayal here in the story is with that in the show. Just going by your writing, though, he seems to be extremely self-contradictory.

As for the actual bad guys in the story, the Macronesian Demons (lovely name!), I think you have a very interesting setup here. Four guys at the top, each with their own skills set; they all should make for very good opponents to the main team. I wondered a bit about the previous shooting, though. How exactly were they implicated if neither the gunmen nor the weapon were ever found? He didn’t seem to have taken responsibility, either, or else people would know their motives. What other links could there have been?

And one last point: If you have a twelve hour deadline to get the mission done, you don’t wait an hour until you give the order to set a course. That’s just stupid. Also, I’m not sure if this is ever done on the show, but it seemed weird to me to have Nathan debate with the team the way he did. Does he want their opinions? Sure. But at the end of the day, he’s the captain and he makes the decisions. This discussion at the end seemed as if they were all given a choice to say no and he would have actually aborted the mission instead.

I also didn’t really see any immediate threat to the crew that would have caused them *not* to go to the colony first. Even if they had decided to hunt the terrorists down, taking a look at the place they threatened (not attacked, mind you, just threatened!) seems like a good place to start to me. I think that it would *also* be a good idea to contact the colony first, before sending people there at the risk that the terrorists already attacked, but maybe that’s just me. *shrugs*

Darkin dearest! (hearts x 100) I had a hard time putting my review-thoughts together because you kept things hopping, but that's a good thing! So much happening here!

The Dre-Thomas dynamic is just getting more delightful by the chapter – I'm torn between shaking my head at just how low Andrea can go and LOLing at Frank's complete obliviousness. The fact that she has to spell it out for him in slow motion is both mind-boggling and outright hilarious. also he better watch his back, hello...she says "anyone who stands in our way" but what she's really saying is "anyone who stands in MY way". I really don't think he's realized that yet, despite his intention to confront her soon. He may be the last to go but she intends to make him go, I have no doubt. :P it's such a pity we can't rewind time and have this kind of scene played out with the actors. I think it would come out so brilliantly onscreen.

Bourne still has me on edge. He's very Jekyll and Hyde and even though he seems to be going along with what Kristin is suggesting, I'm still rather nervous as to what he's up to that Kristin (and we) don't know about just yet. And Kristin having to tread that super-thin line between doing what she needs to do and what she wants to do is so obvious. I just hope her cautious optimism re: Bourne going along with her plan doesn't turn around and bite her. x.x

Oh, Bill – thirty years of marriage and you haven't figured Janet out yet? Tsk, lol. ;P

The poisoning went much faster than I expected, I will admit. The mixture she injected into the muffins must have been a lot stronger than the average. But of course, faster death makes for less hassle that much quicker in her mind. I'm a bit worried for that secretary Lorraine – the fact that Andrea knows her name means she's not safe. Or at least less safe than she was five minutes ago :P and leaving Lynch to clean up the bodies? Hmm, I wonder if that might be a mistake that comes back on her later...the whole not-overseeing-it-herself deal. Fingers crossed, even though I know it won't be that simple, ha.

I adored the N/K scene at the end. Her reactions are so realistic, especially the whole not wanting to put him on the spot/cause any guilt over how she is reacting and feeling like she might be dreaming because the edge of her past grief is still raw. Especially how she can't look at him – that's very authentic, and also true to character. I keep telling myself that what matters is that they are together again, even tho they are still in a lot of danger.

My only nitpick – I'd throw in a dividing line between the end and your bottom A/N so they are kept separate :)

LOVE LOVE LOVE. I'll be waiting to see how their talk goes! Excellently done as always :)

Definitely not the kind of bedside manner that Nathan is used to, but it's amazing how quickly it can make a difference. There's a sense here that he's actually physically and emotionally more relaxed that is sweet, since he doesn't usually let her be the one to take care of him rather than the other way around. But he can't look out for her until he rests up himself, I suppose. Seeing Kristin very much in her element here is lovely. She's been strung out over this situation for so long that it's about time she's being given the kind of biology work that she's good at. And of course it's cute to see Nathan admiring of her skills as always. First priority is to get this virus issue sorted out. Then we can all go for coffee. ;)

Well, I suppose somebody was going to have to take the fall in order for Dre's mess to get itself straightened out. Those poor guys didn't even see it coming, the red shirts of the sQ world. This is definitely far from over here, and you do have to wonder how this is going to turn out now... Dre's really got it coming this time. But she's definitely on thin ice with pretty much everyone involved here, and hopefully that kind of quick action doesn't get her caught... hrmmm.

It'll be quite miraculous if she can figure out a way to get this virus mess cleaned up, especially if the mutations here are being this stubborn. They're so dependent on the pills, but that can't be the answer due to physical quantity of the medication. And everyone's REALLY screwed if she can't figure it out. Quite a stressful situation all around, and of course Nathan doesn't want to see her stressed out or even failing at this task. Much waiting around to do for poor Nathan, but something could very well be taking shape here.

Cheers, dearie!

There's an interesting contrast between the Bourne we see at the beginning of this chapter vs the Bourne that we've seen elsewhere in the story, and not just on a "pretending not to be the bad guy" sort of level. I don't think he really knows quite what to make of the woman that has been brought on to fix the entire mess that's gone along. I almost would have loved to see more of him and Kristin's reactions to him, because the tenseness of this anticipating going in to see Bridger has to be more difficult than thinking that he was dead, in some ways. There's a lot of ways that this can go now, and he's got to be careful, but so does she. They both have a stake in the game here, and wondering just where it's going to go from here. And while Kristin obviously has to play the doctor card here, somehow this does not bode well. Her attitude can give her what she needs for her patient, but hrm. Makes me nervous.

Of course there's so many emotions for her at seeing that things are not at all what she thought they were. It's touching to see Nathan being the calmer of the two and the one more accepting of this, since he's already pretty used to the surroundings and the situation. He's ever in control of what's going on, even when pretty well incapacitated like he is here. Seeing more and more emotion from Kristin has to be difficult for him as well, since he really can't grasp the full significance of the fact that she's suffered through so many emotions regarding his situation as of late and is kind of at a loss for what to do other than follow her medical training and try to process everything from relief to confusion to fear and everything in between.

Oh, Dre. Still not working out well for you. Frank there is really going to have to watch his back, and I just keep seeing this plan really taking a massive plunge and it's going to be people like him that are going to really pay for it in the end. Dre can still be very convincing when she wants to be. Eesh!

Cheers, dearie!

Wow, I almost missed this in my inbox. I'm so happy to be reading about Kristin and Nathan again! I REALLY wanted that chapter to go on with that conversation with them, but I'm so happy that we got something. I guess I'll just have to be patient...not my strong suit. I do get that life keeps you busy though. I loved reading this chapter. Can't wait to read more interaction between N/K. I just know it's going to be great. I want her to let Natahn know how much pain she was in!

"No?" I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t get her plan. That woman has so many devious twists in her brain that I cannot even follow what evil plans she (and you, dear author) will come up with.

“…what they'll reveal…” Should this be they’d, since they’ll never actually have the chance to do it?

“…crushed them with the back of a spoon…” This brings back a memory from when I was a child. I couldn’t swallow pills and had to do that for everything!

Wow, poisoning them seems extreme even for her, but wow, just wow! I didn’t see her getting her hands bloody directly, so this does seem like the best path.

I thought it was odd that you didn’t use the sQ graphic to separate that section with Australia in the next.

All the conversations with Bourne always leave me sort of chilled. He seems so reasonable in one second and then in the next, he’s obviously a sociopath. You did a great job of writing this conversation between him and Kristin.

“…rather idealistic idea." I hate to agree with him, but if they are shutting down the program… They could save them to start over again, or they might wipe them out completely to hide the program. Ugh, I’m so conflicted with who I agree with.

Ok, so back to the poison muffins. You are truly devious, because I remember that the pills make it seem like they’ve died of the flu, right? So, there is no need to worry, or do an autopsy. That’s super clever.

"Don't you want a muffin?" Lol, those boys are super gullible to eat them in the first place and to accept them as a peace offering. Off on the wrong foot, my ass, lol.

Oh, wow, that was a fast-acting muffin. I thought it was going to take a little longer.

“You'll have to make it look a suicide of some sort, though. Oh, and get rid of the bodies, hm?" Oh, gosh, I hope Lorraine’s not in any danger.

“"Well, I suppose the best place is at the beginning, isn't it?" What a fabulous cliffhanger! I’m looking forward to reading that conversation.

“…her bedside manner…” isn’t it amazing how being civilized can change the whole outlook? I remember when I was in the hospital (post-surgery) and I’d finally get to sleep through the pain and then they’d wake me up to take my temp and blood pressure. Talk about annoying, so I sympathize with him complete.

“Twenty little tubes, he counted. Had that all come from him?” Not if she wants to keep you alive, buddy, lol.

“…they weren't trying to kill you." I don’t know why, but when I read that I imagined ‘trying’ in italics.

“…chromosomal alterations.” Oh? I want to know more about that.

“…feel comfortable and be able to relax." Or maybe he just doesn’t want her to die of exhaustion before she can finish helping them.

“Just set push the cart…” You can delete set or push.

"Guess they got a new cook or something." I know he’s being paranoid, but this totally makes me think they kidnapped someone else. Yikes!

"Ding, ding! We have a winner!" Ugh, she’s so condescending!

“You brought us here to take the fall for all of you! How could you?" And incredibly ballsy. I had no idea she was going to pin in on them and tell them to their faces. Wow, that’s just… cruel and stupid, because unless she kills them now, this is going to come back on her. If she’s thrown me under the bus, I’d sing like a canary. People might not believe me, but at least it would cast suspicion on her.

"Arrest these three!" Wait, who’s the third? The doctor, the agent and ?

“Larry had brought some magazines,” I find it hilarious that there would be magazines lying around in their dungeon, especially since it sounds like print magazines in their high tech world.

“Maybe if you slow down and explain…” That’s a good suggestion.

“But getting it where you want it, how you want it can be a problem…” I’m thinking this would read better as: “But getting it where you want it – how you want it – can be a problem…”

“"That...that could be it!" Dude, you really can’t leave me hanging like that. It’s totally unfair. *pouts*

Great job, darling. Great job!

I really love the name thing at the very beginning. She’s only working off what she thinks the guy’s name is and he says hers wrong. I don’t know why, but this really amused me.

“First, it shows that you feel comfortable enough with us to do so.” Or she’s just dog tired after learning Nathan is still alive. Emotional roller coasters equal physical exhaustion.

""It's an old abandoned prison,” Ah, I’m glad to get confirmation of my suspicions. I thought it was either a prison or an army base or some combo of the two.

“…several chips in the paint revealed dark brown metal underneath, and the door was littered with dents.” You’ve just described my front door, lol.

“…cement wall that, she tried…” I don’t think you need ‘that’.

“…old, it was kept up well, so indeed, Bourne…” This is a lot of causes so close together. You might want to consider. “…well. So indeed, Bourne…”

Lol, Mason, you’re such a jerk!

You use dot with her goosebumps and dotted with his perspiration. Is that intentional?

Too right, Kristin, you give him a talking to! *Dr. Power!*

I still really like Larry.

“"It's just that I thought we'd talk a bit more..." I love how Nathan is always the one who acknowledges feelings first. It makes a lot of sense given that he’s a man of passion, she a woman of science.

“Are...are you ashamed of me?" What a strange question. I think I’m as confused as she is. Does he think he’s somehow at fault for his kidnapping? That’s horrible. I bet he has Stockholm Syndrome.

“…but I learned enough about genetics…” And now it’s all going to pay off.

“"Oh, I'm still that girl," I like this sentiment, but I wish she hadn’t called herself a girl, frankly.

“…and immediately pushed herself out of bed,…” Like a kid at Christmas, lol.

“It was by chance they'd found out they had the same views on many of the same things when they happened to be put on a random mission together twenty years prior.” I found this sentence a little awkward to read and I had to slow down and make sure of the meaning, so I have a suggestion (feel free to ignore) where you switch the order. “It was by chance they’d been put on a random mission together twenty years prior and found out that they shared view of many of the same things.”

“Even though she was just a few feet from the finish line…” Uh oh, don’t get cocky, Dre! Just like the runner pulling up short to gloat at the finish line, you’re destined to lose! *smirks at Dre*

“When things get messy, mistakes are bound to be made.” Or when you tell that many lies it is hard to remember the truth anymore or which lies you’ve told to who. This makes me think one word – comeuppance!

“I'm thinking once justice is done…” What an ironic twist on the title!

“…her security clearance will have run out.” Damn, she’s got a one-tracked mind.

“Piece of cake, hm?" Yeah, the stunning arrogance of your antagonist is amazing, lol.

This is a really good, solid chapter and the reunion made all the previous sadness worthwhile. Now I’m waiting for Dre to get hers!

“Keep that poker face on and feign innocence whenever possible.” Yeah, ok, Dre, you’ve got no one fooled but yourself *nods indignantly*

“Justice will be done." Ugh, her lies are so… I’ve known people like her. It makes me so mad, lol.

"The admiral and the secretary general…” hmm, since there are three people talking here, I would suggest front loaded who said this instead of saving it for the sentence afterward to tell us who is speaking. It was a little unclear, although I assume Ben’s not holding a thermometer, lol.

Oh! It’s an interesting twist that they want to send Levin, not Kristin into the fray, but I’m not surprised that she volunteered.

"I don't think you're qualified-" Good golly Ms. Molly, why do I hate everything that woman says?

Maybe it’s because I don’t have a good remembrance of Joshua character – I can’t even picture him – but he seems less distinct than your other characters. I’m surprised whenever he speaks, and the fact that most of his dialogue tags refer to him as “he” make it a little difficult for me follow him as well as the others. I really like him, “"Truth told, I am very confident…” but I’m having a harder time with him.

"Well, I learned there are plenty of things I wished I'd told him or I wished I'd done... “ I think this is the central message or theme of the entire story for me. Don’t put off things you should do or you may regret it later.

“I can easily have you fired." She’s so over the top evil sometimes. I can’t even imagine a person saying such a horrible thing, especially after a nasty shock, but everyone’s in shock and not thinking straight, so I will forgive her this time *wink*

"Bourne is supposed…” Is this Bill?

“I'd like to tell Lucas personally, if that's all right?” Love this moment! It shows how much they grown together.

“…how well I know you. Look, I know your…” You may want to consider changing the second ‘know’ to ‘understand.’

“Now, you're on the right track.” Oh wow, I’m suddenly afraid.

She nodded. When all is… You are missing the opening quote mark.

“…eager to start burning bridges.” I know that’s a popular phrase, but I couldn’t help reading it as a double entendre and a play on Nathan’s name.

I really love the whole conversation between Ben and Kristin, from the socks to the pep talk, the whole thing flowed really naturally and was so easy to read in their voices. My favorite part was "Well, I suppose I should find something productive to do." "Why change your MO now?" that was a priceless exchange.

"I was resting, I swear it." Hahah, that made me laugh and I think that was the perfect point to throw in a little humor. It’s been an exciting chapter, but the placement of that laugh was well timed.
"I know neither of us can possibly predict the future…” This is great! She’s taken and applied everything she’s learned in dealing with Lucas and said the perfect thing.

“It wasn't her first rodeo, but she…” I like the throwback to other crazy men she’s dealt with and the fact that she realizes this isn’t going to be easy. Great ending!

“She sure was…” Poor Kristin is too strong sometimes, but I got a kick out of “...rushing in, thinking she was...comfort her in her time of need.” I feel like that last bit should be in air quotes.

“...wishing she would never have asked her to stay.” Wow, that’s a bit of a mouthful, how about “wishing she hadn’t asked her to stay.”

You used the word “few” a lot in the paragraph beginning “She shuddered…” I think maybe they aren’t all necessary.

“...was attacked…” “...could be heard…” These are passive voice, and that isn’t something I’ve noticed in your work up until now. Is this a style choice because everything is being done to her and it’s reflecting in your writing, or is this something you could modify to be active like the rest of the chapters?

“...the point is to defeat them…” This is a fantastic commentary not only for the game, but for their situation.

“She never really fawned over us before.” This is an astute comment, especially given Dre’s murderous nature and he plan to kill of Kristin, if not Lucas, to clean up the loose ends.

Lol, the idea of confine Darwin to quarters made me laugh.

Is fish face a hyphenated phrase? I don’t know, but I think the game was a nice change of pace for what could have become a too heavy chapter.

“...hit her square in the face.” Too good! Wow, she’ll have a grudge against Darwin too.

“...spectacle…” Yeah, that a bit of an overreaction, isn’t it, Dre?

“...a child distracting the crew from their work.” And that’s just a weak argument. Who is he distracting? Kristin who is ‘resting’ or Darwin? *rolls eyes*

“"Now, if you're good, I'll bring you a nice cup of tea later." I really hate this woman.

“...been told to rest, and they obviously ignored orders." OMG, really? That’s the way you’re going to frame this, Dre? "She...she bit my head off." Yup, Dre, you are unbelievable!

“...won't you, Billy?" I am literally yelling at the screen and Baka is looking at me oddly. You really stirred me up in this chapter, my word! *is exhausted by my dislike of Dre*

“Ben obediently held out his arms and caught her just before she hit the floor.” He’s going to have to catch me too, I felt like this was one heck of a powerful chapter, evoking alot of emotions from me. Wow! Great job.