I wade through a lot of fanfic - some enjoyable and some not - looking for authors that write like you do. Your style here is beautiful; bleak and raw and so bitterly realistic it's almost painful. I haven't checked your bio yet but gosh, I hope you're still writing. I wish my stuff read like this, lol. Thank you for a great story.

Good story. I find it interesting that so many said, "don't take her there; don't let that be her memory.". Speaking from experience, imagination is far worse than reality. After our daughter died, as soon as we arrived home, I made myself go down to her room, the bathroom where she had hung herself, and the spot where I did CPR. I took my time in each area and concentrated on remembering what had happened. It made it real to me. Periodically, I repeat that sequence. I figured I could hide from it and it could control me or I could face it head on. Everyone's different, though. For me, I found that after awhile, I could begin to remember the happier times, not just that morning. I'd be curious what others think.

BRAVO! Loved the anonymity. It could be anyone or everyone. I read on looking for that answer, but you left it open to the imagination which in the end left me in awe. Great Job on this one!

My mind read this, my heart felt it.
I know this is an E! fan page, written for E! stories, with E! characters in mind, however, I recently visited my local fire station with my grandchildren. When reading this story I couldn't keep my mind focused only on the characters of E! but could see the men who stood before me that day. Leaving your POV open you honor every fire fighter, every where, for all time who has made this sacrifice and those he/she left behind.

Sad and moving story. Well done.

Ok, I am gonna review for the first time in a while- or what seems to me to be that long since I have been reading quite a few stories without typing a review...
This story, like a few recent ones I've read, hit pretty close to home for me. I am a FF's wife, mother and daughter also of FF's. I've seen quite a bit over the years- the good, the bad, and the downright ugly and hurtful. And since all three of mine have been in both the low and higher positions, I can see how this story could actually fit any one of 51's A shift family; from Cap during his then-present place at 51's, to a future-promoted Johnny or Roy. While John didn't have a wife or children at his promotion, several writers have opted to give any -or all- of the characters, some kind of change in their life such as a marriage, children, or even terminal illnesses, loss, or gains. The bottom line here is that whatever the reader's heart holds; can be added with the help of imagination of the reader's mind.
Thusly so; this heart closely follows the old Emergency shows what she saw once as an enthralled child (who swore she'd marry a FF/PM just like -and most preferbly THE- Johnny Gage) and as an adult, what she currently FINALLY finds replaying on MeTV as a still-busy but thankfully some new downtime during this new-empty-nest-back-back-to-just-the-two-of-us stage in life. It's been a WILD trip to think that E! has turned out to be more than just another tv show to my family. It's been a LIFESTYLE ! And while I din't marry Johnny Gage, I didn't settle for someone less than the fictional character of Johnny Gage. I am totally thankful to my LORD JESUS because I do not believe in 'coincidence', but that each choice we all make is a part of a larger Plan. Family, friendships, life, and death are all a part of this Big Picture. So, included in that is all the good, the bad, and yes... the very ugly and hurtful.
This story is by far one of those things that either helps the reader 'see', or it helps the reader to be even more ' blinded'.
What THIS reader sees from her taken POV; it's a bit older Johnny, a few years after promotion to Captain, marriage and possibly two young babies ( either 9 mos apart, or twins), and the loss of his best friend, Roy.
Some will want to hit me for even suggesting that. But the fact remains that just because life itself keeps us apart, our hearts are always together with the ones we love. In my mind, life got Gage going with his own new family and it meant he'd seen less of Roy's, but their hearts were never separated.

This was one hell of a good read, I'm glad I listened to the person who suggested I check it out. Unfortunately, this is the first chance I've had to sit down and read it, so I don't think I can add much more in my review than what has already been said in previous comments. You hit all the emotional marks very well and have an appropriate use of description to set your scenes, and having experienced a few L.O.D. deaths in the police departments I've worked for over the years, I'd say you've done an excellent job of capturing the bitter reality of a firefighter's death in this piece (my brother, who is a firefighter, also concurs). The "unknown" narrator works well and I'm actually glad you didn't write it from one specific character's perspective, as it better allows readers to get inside the character's skin that way. Excellent story, very heartbreaking to read, but also very realistic.

This story was recommended to me and I read it over this past weekend, but I was hesitant about commenting on it, as at least one of the good writers on here requested that I not review their work out of fear that my opinions would somehow reflect badly on them that they allowed the dreaded Sashi4040 to comment on their work.

But because this is such a compelling read, I had to tell you that I've loved it. THIS is how fanfiction SHOULD be written. I know I'm going to echo the comments of the others, but I am (for once) speechless at how amazing this story is. The emotional impact is incredibly strong in this, you force the reader to really gut down and feel the sense of loss caused by this firefighter's death. I like the "generic" POV, it allows me to see this through the eyes of any of the Station 51 crew and for me, oddly it was Chet who seemed to want to tell the story to me, although I do also hear Cap telling it on subsequent re-reads. Your sharply detailed and gorgeous descriptions engage the senses very nicely and set the scene so solidly in my head, I felt like I was right there in the widow's house. And in re-reads, it still brings me to tears, I guess it's a good thing I'm on a late lunch break and am alone in the cafeteria right now, otherwise people would wonder why I'm sniffling. I am putting this story in my favorites, which I don't often do on this site, but this is something I want to be able to read again and again. It is incredibly moving and thought-provoking, not to mention heartbreaking and very realistic. I have an aunt that lost her husband in a car crash and she had to go to the spot where the accident happened, she needed to experience for herself the area where he'd died in order to come to terms with her grief and start to understand what had happened.

I thank you for writing this, it was an amazing read and you should be very proud of it, it is a fantastic piece of work.

Sashi4040

I made an oopsie in my review that I hope Enfleurage will allow me to fix. This line:
"Too many times writers rely on the "show, don't tell" style of writing and wind up stripping out the bases that readers can touch upon as they read and identify or sympathize with." SHOULD read "Too many times writers FAIL TO rely on the 'show, don't tell' style of writing..."

This is what happens when I review with my head up my posterior! I apologize heartily to Enfleurage for making such a goof like that.

I've tried to figure out how to write a review that would do this story justice and I don't know that I can, but I'll definitely try.

First, I love the unknown narrator POV. My first take on it was that it was Cap's POV, but in re-reading it, any of them work well here, it is up to the reader to use their OWN power of intelligence and imagination to decide whose eyes we are seeing this through. And I love that you force us as readers to USE that power of intelligence and imagination to decide who we want in this role.

Second, the descriptions are amazing. I'm a firm believer that descriptions are a large part of what brings readers into a story and makes them experience what the characters are experiencing. You've accomplished an accurate balance of revealing to us what you saw in your mind as you wrote this, without miring the story down in extraneous details that have no relevance to the plot.

Third, the emotions are incredibly evocative and very heartfelt, not to mention extremely powerful. The sense of loss is very clear and the image of needing to visit where the victim died is incredibly moving because we know if we experienced a similar loss, we would likely do the same thing...you go to the scene to try to see what it was like in the moments before your loved one died. And again, you engage the reader through the power of words and bring them into the story, making them a part of the entire experience. Too many times writers rely on the "show, don't tell" style of writing and wind up stripping out the bases that readers can touch upon as they read and identify or sympathize with. If a story is set up like "a character did this, a character did that, the end", it doesn't make for an exciting or interesting read...we NEED descriptions, we NEED the emotions you're trying to convey to us in order to really get into the story.

This is a superb piece of storytelling in my book, one of your best stories yet...you've hit all the right marks and you managed to suck me in and make me feel, and what's more you made me THINK, and I truly appreciate an author who can do that to me. This is definitely going into my favorites for sure.

Sorry to clutter up my own Review section, but I did want to reply to CapLovesGregandJames to thank him/her to taking the time to review. A large percentage of readers do not review, so I greatly appreciate those who do so because like many other writers, reviews are both personally gratifying, but more importantly, they are a way for writers to learn what works and what does not. Because CapLovesGregandJames has PM disabled, I'll have to thank him/her here and hope that s/he reads it somehow:

"Thank you for taking the time to review, as less than 5% of readers do so. This story was deliberately written for the reader to interpret and determine the identify of the POV character, which gives a reader the ability to view the narrator as a particular character, try on a couple of characters in the key roles or even insert him/herself into the story. I realize that may expect more of a reader in terms of participation, but I'm a firm believer that the best writing engages and evokes, rather than tells. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I thank you for giving it a read and taking the time to share your thoughts."

-Enfleurage

I'm not real impressed with this story only because we don't know who it was who it happened to. I think if we did, it would be better, for me anyway.

I think part of the draw of this story is that we 'don't' know who was lost and who was left behind. The first time I read it, I was pretty sure of the principle players, but on subsequent read-throughs I have been equally sold on other possibilities. All that pondering may be what makes this such a poignant experience; it could be set in any firefighter's home, almost anywhere.

Within this story you've crafted many thought-provoking, even gut wrenching moments, but I keep returning to, "...bonds that had been forged in fire and smoke, in organized chaos and crisis, and long years of days and nights in each other's pockets." Something about your careful choice of words here touched on the enduring magic of such bonds and underscored a shared heartbreak.

I'm thinking this one will stay with me for a very long time. Thank you.

Just...beautiful. Wonderfully written, my mind's eye can see it all, no matter who he or his wife or the widow or kids are-I don't even feel the need, ultimately (though I was TRYING initially), to speculate. If was just that good. Can I say BEAUTIFUL again without sounding redundant?

As a reader, I was drawn into the entire story through the eyes of the narrator. I can understand the widow wanting to see the scene even though she knows its not a good idea. I'm guess she's looking for some type of trigger that will allow her to finally start shedding her tears to begin her grieving processes. I'm picturing either Captain Stanley in his first assignment before becoming Captain of Station 51 or Roy shortly after he's been assigned Captain of his first station.

I especially love the closing "He laid his head on his wife's shoulder and the sobs spilled out, in waves that broke over them both in a torrent of salt water, washing away the blackness and the terror, washing away everything but the fall." The comfort only a wife can offer a Captain who has lost a man.

Masterfully done.
TDT