The girls' reactions, desires and private-life interactions are unrealistically forced, they feel entirely artificial. Also while Sasuke is generally a self absorbed egoist, he wasn't this bad. Again too forced.

While the plot is great, your character interactions are too often unnatural. Overall it's not bad but the behaviors are really off-putting.

Hinata you creepy ass stalker

get xa, vs x7ov,cd m vzlq ch xcc c c,s

This my 4th time re reading the this story. This chapter never was worth reading the 2nd 3rd and 4th time. Naruto wins and Orchimaru still get Sasuke. Why read the fight if Orchimaru still get Sasuke after Naruto won.

What the fuck! is naruto saint,, he not mad sarutobi lie to him and with the village treatment he still not mad,,, naruto: oh yeah i son of 4 hokage! what please make at least more emotional!

Está es de mis historias favoritas y adoro a Hinata me gusta que tenga ese toque de egoísmo con respecto a ser la primera en todo para Naruto

It is a very good story, let's hope you continue, I really like it, greetings, see you bye!

muerte al creador esas cadenas son irrompibles si kurama no puede romperlas me explicas como un simple ataque de kiba que es patético en comparación a kurama las va a romper heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

almenos esperemos que no jodas la linea de sangre i dejes el efecto de que puede detener bijus i son irrompibles i roban chacra

sabes que es un secreto de clase S I POR EL SIMPLE ECHO DE IR DE CHISMOSAS PARA AVERIGUAR COSAS DE NARUTO DEVÉN MORIR ADEMAS SE METEN CON PERGAMINOS QUE NO SON SUYOS COMO SI NADA QUE CONTIENEN SECRETOS DE CLAN ESO ES OTRO DELITO QUE SE PAGA CON LA MUERTE ASÍ QUE ME EXPLICAS COMO ES QUE NO LAS AN EJECUTADO POR MIRAR INFORMACIÓN PROHIBIDA CUANDO ES UNA DICTADURA MILITAR I SECRETOS DE CLAN ESTÁN VETADOS A OTROS QUE NO SON DEL CLAN

that line made me remember the neji from tenten's infinite tsukuyomi world

If your dumbass cant be bothered to fucking spell clan names right ehat makes you think im going to read this whole thing
Its uchiha not uchia

I'm sorry I can't keep reading this story. It has a great premise and everything but I just can't.
"Course" being used like every other sentence is driving me nuts.
Your quality of writing is also incredibly variable. Some parts are great and flow and others just suck and your punctuation and grammar drops too.

I wish you the best for your story and hope you go back through and revise the chapters to make them better.

Please review your older chapters, get rid of the over use of the word "course."

It's actually irritating now seeing it still popping up.

Like is it a verbal tick of yours being translated into writing?

Especially not exspecially