Hi there, I’m a staffer at the Reviews Lounge too, and your story was nominated to our archives, so I am excited to review it! You definitely set the tone for the story with the first two paragraphs- clearly Lana feels she has a lot to prove and is a tad bit resentful about the way things have turned out. Mild typo with “woman’s sections.” and suggest changing it to women’s sections.

‘Certainly the story took an ominous tone when you recapped Lana getting denied the interview and suddenly being forced to become a resident. As a sidenote, I suggest going through the text and nixing the ‘had’s’ since it's a word you used frequently throughout the text, and really isn’t needed in most usages. I think for the ‘Everything had planned out…’ paragraph some examples of how Lana played the right part would be great to further convey the fantasy she was living in.

I thought you recapped also Lana’s feelings about Briarcliff well, for when Kit arrived she clearly had different thoughts. The paragraph ‘She did describe it…she had left to do’ touched nicely on the lack of satisfaction Lana felt over her achievements, and the ensuing paragraphs on her need for revenge summarized her determination well. I do think this part would benefit from more specifics on how she got her revenge. ‘The baby lie was the only lie…’ probably don’t need the first lie since ‘the baby’ is sufficient to get your point across.

The ending was pretty chilling and really closed out the arc of the story. I think the poem itself flowed with the paragraphs for the most part, but a suggestion is to add some dialogue to intensify the emotional connection you can make to the reader. Especially the dramatic scenes of the story- it paints a more vivid picture and brings the scenes to life. The entire story is telling the reader, but if you show as well, the emotional significance heightens and you can really place yourself in Lana’s situation because the showing effects adds a more personal layer. Great job!

One of my favorite parts of Asylum was Lana's storyline, and I absolutely adored how you've incorporated the poem into her story. I think my favorite part about this story is the poem, because really, the spider takes on many different roles in this story. First, it appears to be Lana, but then it quickly changes to Sister Jude. Then, it's surely Dr Thredson, and then it was Lana once again. I really loved how this story evolves that way, and I think it's so awesome that this poem happens to coincide perfectly with everything Lana went through.

I really love how you explained Lana's entire storyline a well, from the first moment she entered Briarcliff for her story and her betrayal from Sister Jude, her adventures with Kit, and her hope that Dr. Thredson would be her saving grace and then having it crushed to find out he was Bloody Face. And then after she got away from him, then she had to deal with her book and her son. I also love how you explain her reasons for lying about who Wendy really was and lying about Johnny.

And in the end, she did what she had to do...what she'd wanted to do from the moment she became pregnant. It's really too bad about Johnny, but I really loved the assessment that he was nothing like his father.

For concrit, the only thing I noticed...and this is minor...is that if this were mine, I'd have used a few more commas. (example: The young nun, who was named Sister Mary Eunice, etc.)

Overall, though, this was an extremely enjoyable piece with a unique style. I really loved this. Well done! :)

Wow, this was phenomenal. Your use of the poem, as well as your brilliant style really pulled this together. Your writing is powerful and emotion-driven, and it really shows. Excellent work.