Back for more after way too long an absence! I am an unpunctual colleague, that I am...

Wow... what an original take on Joshua! Usually I don't see this human level of reflection (SheWhoLovesPineapples offers a worthy rival, though, if you're up for it). I mean, we know he's putting up a front when interacting with Neku, but it's the question of what's underneath that goes the other direction. Most people assume divine serenity. Seeing Josh get fired up... it's different. I like it.

At the same time, Joshua's disconnect from reality is a really interesting parallel with Neku's character conflict. Even as Josh distances himself from everything, it shows how he's sort of stuck in the same boat. His condemnation of Shibuya may be a self reflection, in a way.

As always, Hanekoma is that guy you can't help but like. Having a moral contrast between their two views helps to ground the in-universe morality. Despite being the Composer, Joshua can still be wrong.

Fantastic turn with that final scene. Joshua's still wrong, but we can kind of see where it's coming from. He's continuing a cycle that he technically didn't start, only this time he's bringing it to a close.

Two minor edits.
"Sipping my coffee, I stare [off] across the street,"
"and there's nothing they can do [to] stop it."

And that's it for now. Great work you've done here! I hope to catch some more after this quarter of craziness I've got to conquer.

See you around,
-CG

Ouch, a chapter that exemplifies the brutal realities of TWEWY. It's heartbreaking to read, but I suppose that's only all the more proof that it's well written. Your portrayal of Rhyme is very thoughtful, and a lot more emotionally burdened than what we see her as in the game. Still, her strong connection to Beat shines through quite well. Gosh... I love a good sibling bond.
However, I do have a few knicks to report, here and there.

"Kids only learn from example though, right[?]"
Posing this as a statement (with a period, see original) gives it a kind of sarcastic tone. However, posing it as an affirmative question (like with a Japanese "ne?" on the end) gives it the more "accusatory" slant we're shooting for here.

"...get away with messing with [my] brother."
Simple fix. In the original, you said "me brother", which sounds a little to piratey for Rhyme.

"I barely make out Beat scream [my] name..."
Originally "by name", but I think this is more what you meant.

Again though, I really like getting a look at Rhyme since she really isn't present for much in the game. Plus, your Beat is really nicely done (great job with your Beat-speak! You get an A-plus!). Who the EMT is though, and why they have Player pins, now /that/ makes me curious.

Reading again when possible,
-CG

The Shiki and Eri dynamics you play here are interesting. They both approach with a shared focus, but with completely different perspectives. You do a fair job of showing how Eri doesn't realize how big of a deal being a designer is to Shiki, but I feel like it could possibly be even more discreet, like Eri trying even more to put a comforting spin on it. "Hey! Don't let it get to you; designing just isn't your thing, alright?" Something said sincerely, but taken wrongly. Of course, if nothing comes to mind, then feel free to just leave as is, it works well enough.

I like how you really captured Shiki's more contemplative, introverted side that is only hinted at for most of the game. Seeing her in her natural state feels very organic here, a good fit.

During the car bomb scene.
"I see [a] brief flash of red..."

Perfect Kariya dialogue, by the way. Although... I'm not sure if Uzuki actually annoys him. To him, I think it's a game to keep her in line. Otherwise, why would he work so hard to do it? Like Mr. H, Kariya strikes me as the sort who'll only give away as much as they have to. Kariya's interactions with Uzuki show sort of a patient mentorship where he's counting on Uzuki being able to eventually see the bigger picture.

Not that I disagree with you personally. Uzuki bugged me like crazy.

A note with the pin though... In Neku's case, the pin Joshua gave him became his second Player pin, acting as his safe guard against Kitaniji's plot because Players already recieve a Player pin upon entry of the UG. Although it's interesting to think that Players are chosen by Reapers being present at their death, the "Pin ceremony" doesn't actually fit into canon because it undermines Joshua's setup.

That said, it's an interesting scene to pose. Kariya as the one who entered Shiki into the Reaper's Game? Strangely plausible, considering how he "coincidentally" never seems to be going after her as a Player. If nothing else, it shows good strength of conjecture.

I think I'm getting more the feel of what this is going to be now, and I like it. I'll be back again to read more. In the meantime, take care.

Regards,
-CG

Hey! I'm a little late to the party, but I might as well trow in two cents anyway, right?

First: It's a fair interpretation of Neku you've got going on there. Because Neku is a character designed to be interpreted by the player, I'm always interested to see what others think of him. You have great diction choices to portray his culture, character, and mindset while dancing around the issue of his less-than-judicious language choices. So far it looks like a novelization of the game, but that's not a bad thing. It means you're playing the universe right.

On a more nit picky note, when Neku boards the bus you have
"...dropping some change in the box in the front and grabbing on of the overhead rails."
Did you mean "one of the overhead rails"?
Also, when describing the mural, Neku's friend and his mother's fiancee are both described with male pronouns so it gets a little muddy who is who. I even thought they were the same character for a moment there! Unless... they are? in which case, you did just fine.
Finally, having the context of the game, the murder scene makes sense to me but I feel like that shouldn't deter you from giving your own, slightly more detailed spin on it. Some of it is probably just stylistic choice (Ex: I would use a line break instead of just a period to emphasize the boy running towards him is holding a gun) but other moments, like when Neku realizes there is someone behind him, pass almost too quickly without any identifying moments describing the character. It may feel like recap from the game so you want to rush through it, but these are the moments in which fanfiction can shine by taking a cinematic moment and letting it stretch on the page.

Overall though, it's a decent start. Decent enough to get me to read the next chapter, anyway. We'll try to speak again soon.
Unless you'd rather we didn't.
Regards,
-CG

I really liked this fic and while this is the final chapter to this particular one, I think it is a nice way to end it and prepare for a sequel. You've done a wonderful job writing characters in this and have a real talent for emotional writing. (I know I've said this plenty of times before) but well done and I'm glad I was able to read this gem. Definitely one of my favorites and I can't say enough about how refreshing of a read this was and how well written is was. Well done, dear, and keep up the good work. Excited to read more of your work (and while I'm reading the sequel now and got to this rather late-I can say the sequel doesn't disappoint.) :)

This chapter felt delightfully complete and I can definitely connect with the characters here. I like the emotion behind Rhyme seeing the memorial because it feels so real. Something like that would weird me out too and I can see where she'd be a little uneasy about it. Beat's determination to work hard in school was also touching and I liked the determination there. Asking for help in school is hard and it was admirable and well done. Not much to say about the others, except Joshua, who is quickly working his way deeper into my heart because I can totally feel for the poor guy. He's rightfully jealous and it's painful to see others and be stuck on the outside knowing you'll never be able to have even one day of that. Beautifully done here and a lovely tie up for the entire fic. Loved this! :)

I liked the emotion in this chapter and how real Joshua felt. You do a lovely job of depicting emotions and I liked how we got into his head and could feel that he has human emotions too. Really pulled at my heartstrings and I totally like this character. It was well done and portrayed well and I'm excited to continue reading. Not much more to say other than I enjoyed it and well done. :)

It feels good to get back into reading this story. (Meant to get to it sooner, honest.) And once again I am reminded why I like Beat and Rhyme so much. They're just the ideal picture pair of brother and sister and you've done so well portraying them here. Also sets up nicely for the sequel, which is a nice foreshadowing aspect. I adore their interactions and the quip about the hat had me smiling because I know I'd probably feel the same way. Lovely chapter and I don't have much more to say other than I enjoyed it and you've portrayed them well. Well done! :)

There's something heartwarming when two best friends make up after saying regretful things and getting the chance to apologize and work it all out. Loved the interactions here and I can definitely picture the tone and emotions. It's wonderfully done and you have a real way with words and characters. I enjoy seeing these happy tie ups happening and each one feels complete and carries a weight worth gold in emotion here. Love it! Excited to read more!

The emotion in this chapter made this one something special. I loved the interactions here and seeing Neku accept Ishio made me smile. I love it when things like that happen and it's conveyed well like you did. Everything about this chapter was wonderful and I liked how he looked up Beat's number. It added a sort of complete feel to this aspect of the story. Nothing more to say other than well done and still can't wait to read more. :)

Finally got time to sit down and get back to reading this! Love the insight into Joshua here and how real he feels. I like the fact that he comes across as lonely and his interactions with Neku are well depicted. It's a wonderful picture painted here and I like seeing how much he changes emotionally throughout this particular chapter. Other than that, I don't have much to say other than well done! Looking forward to the next chapter. :)

I've always loved Beat and Rhyme's interactions and this chapter is no exception. The brother and sister relationship these two have is done brilliantly and it makes me smile to see a chapter with them in it. The fact that they are that connected to one another is wonderfully done and I like how you handled it. I also loved how their father was portrayed in this and it was realistically done on how he would think and act in this situation. Well done, dear. Well done. :)

Ouch. We all have those moments of regrets where we say something and then something happens and we never get to make it right. I feel for her in this chapter because the emotions have been captured well here. The grief of a friend having something like this happen to another friend is difficult to portray (just like family members) and you did it. Well done, dear. I don't have much to say about this otherwise. :) On to the next!

OCs or not, you captured the emotional agony of every parent's worst nightmare perfectly well here. I can see the reactions happening with realistic portrayal and you've painted a beautiful picture of the emotional nightmare happening here. I'd write more, but there's really not a whole lot more to say since you've done this chapter so well. :) Well done, dear.

Finally found a tiny bit of time to read some fan fiction this weekend for once. (It's a writing funk sort of week on this end, so I'm catching up on fics.) I actually liked the dark edge to this particular character. The manipulative, dark side was nicely done and it felt authentic in a strange sort of way. I liked how callous he was about what he's doing, but at the same time, showed a slightly bit of vulnerability that works out. Well done, dear. Now to catch up on reading more of this fic.