it is a nice story but i have read your other stuff i know you can do beter

Dude. It's called punctuation. I couldn't even get halfway through this. It's cool that you want to post your work where everyone around the world to see - I think it's very courageous in a way. But in order for people to read it, it needs to have proper punctuation: like you see in real novels.

At the end of a piece of dialogue you put a comma before the quotation marks, like so:

"I'm not hungry that's all" said George

becomes

"I'm not hungry that's all," said George.

When stating a person's name you need a capital letter at the beginning... and to spell their name correctly. Full stops and commas are supposed to be used in dialogue (as with the rest of a story):

"Peanut what's wrong for a while now you have not been eating your already dead so you don't gain weight" said Rube.

becomes

"Peanut, what's wrong? For a while now you have not been eating. You're already dead, so you don't gain weight," said Rube.

Notice the punctuation? And how much easier it is to read and how it makes the flow a bit smoother?

If you're going to have swearing in your stories, just type them okay? "#%$" is not good enough, frankly.

Another thing you lack very much is description - a story can't just be dialogue between different characters. You need to describe the setting, how someone delivers their lines, any gestures made, what the core character(s) is/are feeling etc. You didn't describe Kiffany walking away with their orders or coming back or bringing that man over; you didn't describe what Mason looked like when he yelled at Rube (was he still sitting or had he gotten up? Was he pointing his finger at Rube or were his hands curled into fists?) nor how the rest of the group were reacting to the tension (were they frowning? Sitting lower in their seats? Looking at one person or flicking their gazes between everyone or just staring at the floor?).

You are telling instead of showing. You really need to work on your writing. Please, for the love of God, look up some of the rules of writing (punctuation, etc.) and try to incorporate it into your own work. At least you know to start a new paragraph when different people have dialogue. I'll give you a point for that. But you really do need to improve your writing as not many people will bother to read something with so many grammar, spelling and punctuation errors. The only reason why I am reviewing is to give you some much needed advice.

Please heed what I say - I only want to help you improve your writing.

I always had my suspicions in Tiffiany and Crystal when I watched the show. Especially the Halloween episode when George walked in the Waffle house and a man was staring at her. I was thinking maybe that was death and he was impressed about George reaping a graveling. Then when the reapers were at the waffle house trading candy around and Tiffiany made a face. I think Tiffiany and Crystal are either psychics or involved in death somehow. I wish there was a season 3, so those suspicions could have been answered. The movie was ok but I only liked certain parts and dislike the rest.

Anyway, this was a good chapter. I hope you continue this story.

omg wtf? please tell me you're going to write more

A delightful little story with some rather ominous implications. I look forward to reading more of this author's work.