I can’t wait to read the next chapter

J'aime bien.

damnit. why you don't finish the story?

is this dead

update please

Cool chapter continue please.

nice start but where is the rest?

A pretty good beginning, despite some grammatical errors, and I like the personality you gave to Yugito, since she didn't have much of one in the manga/anime. As someone who's been writing for a while though, and received a lot of good, constructive criticism, I'd like to give you a tip. Your odd little disclaimer/script thing at the beginning and the script at the end was kind of an annoying distraction that pulled me out of the story. When I'm done reading a chapter, I like to feel like I'm still drawn in and can think about it for a moment before moving on to the next page. But then you have this little tidbit at the bottom where your OC's interact in what I assume was your attempt at a humorous little scenario. Not to sound harsh, but people come to this site to read fanfiction, not your own original writings or notes you took for writing the story. Nobody bothers to read the disclaimer anyway, we all just skip right to the thing we came here for: the story; all you need is a short disclaimer, and then the body of the story. In fact, specifically has a rule that says you're not allowed to write dialogue in script format; it just looks terrible and it doesn't bring characters to life. I know you didn't do that for the actual story, but about 1/5 of this page was just your OC's talking in a scripted format, then you explained to the readers how they should read this story (as if we're illiterate...). It doesn't take a brain surgeon to realize that sentences in italics are thoughts or important keywords, and if we didn't get that bold speech was the demon talking, we would figure it out by the second boldface sentence, where you specifically mentioned it was Nibi who spoke.

Once again, I'm not trying to flame you, I liked your story overall, but leave the story notes on your desktop or a folder, and make your disclaimer something short and simple like "I don't own (blah blah) and make no profit off this story."

when's this going to get updated?

plz write more

Well now. Way too many stories to concentrate on, bro... NOT COOL! Quantity over Quality isn't very good. It's damn well KAKA! BAKA!

THIS WAS VERY GOOD AND I CAN'T WAIT TO READ MORE! THANK YOU!

Blare ftw lol love it but you need to finish all your other awesome fics tho

I like the story so far, I cant wait to see whats more to come .

Not enough, need more.