I think you did a rather good job. The story was accurate based from what I know and I applaud you as the writer of it.

Very nicely written! A very plausible possible lore of what Artorias might have endured in his journey to the Chasm of the Abyss! Thanks!

Hmmm. Now I haven't played very far into dark souls (so...damn...hard...Im reckless ;P) but based on a story telling perspective, It was very well done. Putting into first person really brought me into the shoes (boots?) of Artorias, especially as near the end as he loses insanity. I haven't gotten super far in, but do you encounter Sef in the game later? That would be a awkward battle if you could bring her to fight Artorias (excuse my ignorance, again haven't played super far in) Anyways it's nice seeing you spread your wings a bit to other areas. For the short story, it was short and sweet. Your interpretation is interesting to read, and if or when I get to the part I'll keep it in mind of what you wrote. If you enjoy doing other subjects (dark souls or any other media stuff) try it. Your talent isn't just confined to Rio, and this proves it. But its up to you :P
Cheers to the Abyss,
Nickel531