Absolutley amazing. I love your wording, and it gives me a clear picture of what's happening. Well done!

I'm almost done with a fic of mine too. But it's more different. I have to say really nice work on this one!

this was ok read mine for better idea

This was really good, hope you write more stuff like it.

A experiment I see, and not a bad one at that. The atmosphere is right on the money. I could see that it was hard for you to write this seen it was a bit, ruff around the edged. It is an experiment so it does give an idea on third-person. I would recommend that you stay with what you are conftable with until feel ready to tackle something different. Of course, I'm not here to tell you what to do. It is just my recommendation. If this was that tackle something different, then I just feel stupid. To many more words of writing!