Oh babe you did great with the first one...I wish for more

Makes sense. Sarah went really well with this chapter.

Ooo, that last line sounds a bit ominous...

Oooo...now this is exciting and has much potential for going very, very wrong. In other words, classic Boondock Saints. Nice.

I like how you're adding Sarah into the mix, letting her be an important part to the story. Don't hesitate to change things a little to suit how you want her story to go. She's a great character, and she deserves her own special bits, as well.

That's seriously one of my favorite scenes in the movie.

I'm very glad you decided to go with the extended version. I'm hoping we'll get a bit more of Sarah and her personality in the next chapter.

It follows the other story pretty well, and I definitely like the improvements and additions you've made. Count me in for the ride on this one.