That was really nice. Good job!

I love it. The description that was in it was perfect. You've done an excellent job with this and I hope you do more stories with the same amount of style and care as this. Good job.

It's a good story, but you need to use paragraphs more. Like, a new paragraph each time there's a new speaker. It get's a tad bit confusing and a lot of people here don't like it. You used it half of the time, which is good, but you neglected it through bits and pieces of the story, and that confused me as to why that happened that way. Anyway, good job on your story. It was a good read.