While the writing quality of your story is good in terms of spelling only, please note this part of the Content Guidelines:

"Please note FanFiction does not accept explicit content, Fiction Rating: MA, and the rating is only presented for reference."

Remove all of the detailed descriptions of physical interaction of sexual or violent nature in this story if you want it to remain at this site, or upload it to a site where "Fiction MA" content is allowed such as WattPad.