Rolling Commentary:

"routines. As he went" -I see where this is going. And I like it.

"him on the spot." -Hm. This should be... Interesting.

""You will never" -You will also learn how crunchy you can get, on a related note.

"should have been." -Hey, it's not like you could have seen it coming. I mean, it looked like it'd go well, y'know. Just keep an eye on her, she'll be fine.

""Wait. There's something I" -Well, saw this coming.

""Maybe, just maybe, I" -Heh. Ayup.

"It was no use," -Coming shortly, just as soon as he demonstrates some crunchiness to someone.

""Alright. Remember, you need" -Likelihood of that happening? Oh, about 0%.

""I may call you" -Hey, just remember, without you, she'd be straight up deadski, ja?

"were damaged. That other" -Well, that's one way to take care of your troubles. *nods*

"they would give out." -Hm. That could be slightly problematic. Fortunately, the capital wasteland is pretty small.

"not possible. I am" -Impossible it's not, apparently.

"might be possible there."" -Possibly, but you'll probably have to fight rogue robots. Troublesome.

"I walked toward the" -Or those, I suppose. Less troublesome though.

"The creature was still" -Bahahaha... Yeah.

"desk and resting there." -Now that's heartless.

"I pried open the" -Unfortunate. But, eh, what can you do?

"I placed it on" -Protons?

"was open. I tore" -Well, that's just inconvenient.

"Holding the box with" -Whereas, that's quite convenient.

"Hanging onto it, I" -Huh. The information might pay off later, but... Hm.

"me, though. I've taken" -He really should do something about that, and quickly.

"heard the door open." -Hrm. Problematic.

"me, scared. I grabbed" -Rough, but necessary under the circumstances.

"going to go well." -Look on the plus side... Loot!

"Come on, waste your" -Good in theory, problematic if he closes in while doing that.

"behind him. I could" -Delicious.

""He's asleep, can't you" -Too late for that, I suspect.

"do anything about it!"" -Well you can, but it's dang tricky, and usually involves propping up the right side.

""We're heading to the" -Heh. Now that's convenient.

"into it. Closing the" -Well, at least she's not up and leaving, eh?

General Thoughts:

Dang crazy raiders. Always showing up at the most inopportune times. Good reason to keep your gun like, right there with you at all times though. *nods*

So, the protons thing. I assume that's not what they are, and she just had a misconception that translated over to him when stuff happened? Might be worth making a note of that, if so. Either way...

Good stuff. :)

Sorry for the delays in reviews; been mondo busy. :/

Rolling Commentary:

"but not on purpose." -Yeah, he's had a bad few days.

"don't leave. You're very" -Naw, he'll be fine. Just needs to sleep it off.

"to rest. But me," -Hrm. Even if you're feeling very weak?

"but empty. I had" -I'm sure he'll be most appreciative. By which I mean, he's going to be furious.

"jiggling noises. One of" -Wasteful.

"hurt you. I am" -Huh, I remember that guy. Nice guy, if a bit daft.

""I do not need" -That is, unless you fancy ghoulification. Hm.

""I've found a couple" -Mmm, nothing like gastrointestinal duress.

""It's gone."" -Eye carumba.

"to strike. With catastrophic" -Heh. Convenient damage, that. And I was wondering when we'd come back to this. *nods*

"this malfunction. He gave" -If you must teach robots how to feel, try to avoid teaching them this sensation. It never goes well.

""No! No! Why?!"" -Jack and Robots.

"obviously hurt. It didn't" -Man. Poor guy. Wonder if she'll ever get the chance to apologize proper.

"his chair. I ran" -Even odds that he's too asleep to wake. *nods*

"need to take some" -No, she can do without the one, I think.

"I did as I" -Hrm. And no, just wait for him to find himself in a cave with a box of scraps.

"right away. The edges" -Lovely. Hm. You know, that's an interesting thing, isn't it? No one seems to get infections in the wasteland, at least in the games. Too much radiation?

"had risen. I had" -Probably just as well; becoming more machine than man, really. Not that that's a bad thing, thinking about it.

"rising to my feet." -Hm. I dunno... Depending on the make, you'd think they'd be harder to damage... But not capable of self repair like normal tissue. Hmm.

General Thoughts:

Well, they're doing pretty well aren't they, all things considered? I mean, could be better of course, but they're not doing badly. Of course, they're also getting quite a bit of help... Hm.

Either way, interesting bit with the supplements there. Makes me wonder how exactly they work... I mean, we've seen a lot of things going on there, but... Hm. Eh, either way...

Good stuff. :)

Had almost forgotten about this fic, glad to see it's not scrapped

Rolling Commentary:

"There's a moment, when" -Delicious backstory!

"and trailing behind him." -Time for a "you shall not pass" moment? :P

"my calf. I felt" -The classy way to take these things down. *nods*

"so lucky. It came" -Well, so much for resale value. Plus side, can still sing Portal songs.

"even farther. While it" -Stubborn cuss, isn't it?

"me too. Black was" -Well, if you must go, not a bad way to do so.

"I don't let it." -More delicious backstory. Tasty.

"I began to fall." -Ominous!

""Don't do that."" -For reals.

"you might hurt it."" -Not sure that's possible, d00d. :P

"I'll tell you that."" -Well now! Not what I was expecting, but hey.

""You have to help" -If you wait, it might come back to you?

"make sure he wouldn't" -D'aww... Kinda.

"grin, happy. And then" -Oh, the puns and jokes I could make, but would give review spoilers. Oh well. Either way, sounds like he's not in his happy place.

"my hand. It took" -D'aww, again.

"like her. And someone" -Kudos on the naming acumen here, by the way.

"isn't it? Don't worry," -Should be 'doesn't', not 'isn't,' I think. :)

"stick together. Otherwise, how" -It's probably just as well he's in that predicament; considering, I can just picture what he might say about that statement.

"intended that. But it" -Ah, he surprised me there, coo'. And yes, because you could have predicted that, d00d.

"I looked over at" -Indeed so. And again, I congratulate your naming sense.

"stay here. It's dangerous" -A little help is better than none, I s'pose.

"getting ready to leave." -I say! I thought that they... Huh.

General Thoughts:

Okay, so somehow, I kept expecting a different sort of helping hand here, but hm. Maybe that'll be later. Maybe never. Hm. Have to wonder about that. Suppose we'll find out later, maybe. XD

Anyway, heh. So, that happened. Definitely didn't see that coming, but it makes sense, so no problem. Again, kudos on the naming; even if the bit that makes that apt is fully an F3 thing, it's still quite fitting, so hey. :P

Good stuff. :)

Rollin' Commentary:

"stood there, a long" -How you know you've had a fun day.

"arrogant. New parameters. Accompany" -Molly? Either way, fair assessment.

"ran through the events," -Yeah, that'll go over well.

"grasp and pushing him" -Ayup. :P

"perform a second" -Hm. That could be an interesting dynamic.

""Don't do anything you'll" -Bahaha... Reminds me of what James will say, under the right conditions... :P

"function exhausted. Please wait" -Hm. So much for that.

"protocol. Mission parameters" -Well, this can be an interesting dynamic too.

"it, I knew my" -Could be worse?

"As we walked down" -Well, at least you have your plastic pal who's fun to be with, eh?

"the closest thing I" -Hm. Even with that, odds of this going well are pretty darn low.

""Yeah, well, call it" -Heh. Guess he's probably not gonna be selling it, then.

""Well. Sorry to have" -Eyup.

"I ducked, as three" -Dodgy little cuss, isn't he? And hm. Could have used that...

""I didn't want to" -What did you expect, though?

"than I could take." -Hm. Dick move.

"I turned, looking at" -Well. That's going to leave a mark.

"wasn't going to let" -So he really does have bad luck, I guess.

General Thoughts:

Well. That happened. Things seemed to be looking alright there for a bit, to some degree at least, and then, that. Well, okay. A bit 'o drama has to come into play somewhere, yes? :P

That said, those guys... Man. Needless to say they're going to rue that eventually... Or maybe not so eventually, if what I'm thinking is right. Heh. Guess that's for next chapter, though.

Good stuff. :)

Rolling Commentary:

"Adult male. Gas mask." -Robot. High joint motility.

""Good, good. You're learning." -For some weird reason, he reminds me, just a little, of Elijah from New Vegas.

"Warning. Warning." -Well. That went well. XD

"was empty. It was" -'tis a point, that.

"I need to scavenge."" -Scavenging. The other, other white meat.

"I found. Finally, I" -All par for course until that last bit. Huh. He's gonna have to do something about that.

""Wow. Maybe I was" -Or, that's something else talking?

"be nice. He did" -I feel like maybe there should be an "Although," right before that "He". Ah, but that's just me. Either way, yeah. He's... Blunt.

"seeing him. He was" -...Huh. Spontaneously turning on, that's a good sign. /sarcasm

""Honorific recognized. True designation:" -Oh lawdy. He's going to be really happy about this development, isn't he? /sarcasm, again

"Please input."
I didn't" -FFN, line break, yeah. Anyway... ... That doesn't sound like a good idea.

""User input recognized as" -... Hoo boy...

"I hid behind the" -Kill them all! And take their stuff! ... Actually have that on my wall, hm.

"There's no point."" -Funny how irony is, isn't it?

"show yourself! I have" -Odds that they'll manage to set that bucket off right next to them? Oh, about 100%, by my reckoning.

""I'm not looking for" -Huh. Didn't see that coming, actually. Of course, how often can they be reasoned with in the game? Heh.

"He pointed at a" -Well, this'll end well.

""That's not my" -Well. Now you know who to go for first, eh?

"me pass I fix" -Missing an 'if' there, I think. Either way... Hrm.

"His right eye, the" -Huh. Maybe not then? Hm. Well, more promising than it was beforehand.

""Deal."" -All's well that ends well, I reckon?

"currently had one in" -... Noting that if anything did happen that'd get everyone... Hrm.

"I nodded, and made" -Didn't just take the whole thing? Hrm.

"Data scanned. Analysis complete." -...Hm.

"She was silent, and" -Hm. More promising than I thought at first, but still a bit ominous.

"and walks toward them," -A bit of a tense error here; should be 'walked,' not 'walks'. Either way... Hm. Handy ability.

"He looked at the" -Halt! Hammerzeit.

"looked back, taking in" -Oh dear. Probably not more than he can take, but still.

"stood still, balancing the" -Face, meet hammer.

"The shelves were barren" -Always nice to find something like that back in back. *nods*

"a corner. Sure enough," -Lunch?

"I jumped out, and" -Hm, waste of an MF shot, in my opinion... Unless he has no melee skills, which, possible.

"I snatched up a" -Uh-oh. He's got more scraps for his box, look out!

"the top. Sure enough," -Good shot with that thing, he is.

"malfunctioning bots.
Burn medicine" -Darn thing ate another line break! Is no line break sacred?! And hey. Not like you need it, right? Right?

""I need that" -... Never mind. XD

"be home. I wonder" -Oh dear. Cliff hanger. Either way, touched it she did.

General Thoughts:

Man. Needs to lay off those, I should say. Nothing but trouble, they are. Well, helpful in a pinch, but... Not under those circumstances. Hm. I suspect that'll be a recurring theme, either way.

So, interesting that he's found a reasonable bunch like that, incidentally. Were pretty much no reasonable ones in the game, if I recall correctly. Nice change of pace, that. *nods*

Good stuff. :)

Rolling Commentary:

"you survive. So... why" -Now that's an interesting way to start a story. :P Whole lot of questions there to answer, which is a good thing in my opinion. :)

"be fine.
At least," -Outcast from outcasts, eh? :P Also, dang FFN ate a line break. Has an insatiable appetite for them, I've come to find.

"after it. I dived" -Mmm, brain fricassee!

"I walked toward his" -You know, here's where I want to poke at the gameplay of F3. You can wear that stuff anywhere, and no one even looks at you funny. New Vegas had the right idea there, really.

"out here! We found" -Lovely.

"out halfway. The other" -Hope he has a few points in medicine.

"it out.
The blood" -Ahh, interesting use for that. Makes sense once put like that, but hm. Have to admit, I wouldn't have thought of that. Well met. Also, FFN, line break, et cetera.

"ammo boxes. I came" -Loot's loot?

""I'm not going to" -Yeah, they're invincible in this game. /shot

"the door, now shaking." -Well. That's one way to get two people stuck together.

"I closed the door," -Hmm... What does he have in mind for that? And, another eaten line break, dang thing.

""What that sound?"" -*awesomeface .jpg*

"less frequent. Finally, it" -... Huh. Didn't see that coming. I do have a bit of an issue with it, though; regular 'nade would be much more efficient for a lot of reasons.

"beside me. I looked" -And if it was necessary for that, a fragmentation 'nade would perhaps cause similar issues with ricochets.

"I took a look" -Particularly if it tumbles a bit after penetrating. Either way, he's rather handy, isn't he?

""Hah... see, I did it." -To say the least!

"She forced air down" -Man. All that, in a cave with a box of scraps.

"weaker it will be."" -Heh. So. Huh. If it weren't for that whole thing with Harkness, I'd call foul.

"with me. You'll just" -Blunt! But probably accurate.

"be turning. Too bad" -Store it somewhere until you get some!

"help with. Got it?"" -Well, he's definitely an Outcast.

"the laser" rifle, which" -Seems a quotation mark worked its way in there. And hey, the loot's not been bad, right?

"and think. These thoughts" -*awesomeface .jpg x2*

""Hmph. Ok, I'm sorry" -... But she... ... He's quite silly sometimes, isn't he?

"to fall. I was" -Mmm, on-board barometers! Usually sets in before it starts, though.

"pork and beans." -For when you want gas, and you want it now.

"tools in the shed."" -I can't decide if I think he's an [EXPLETIVE DELETED], or if I find his bluntness entertaining. ... Probably, both.

"I turned away, pulling" -Well, at least you won't be hurting for parts there.

""It's amazing, mister."" -And he built it in a cave. With a box of- /shot for reusing memes

""This is it. After" -Convenient that he's finishing it just then, really. But, eh, I can roll with it.

At the last line: Oh dear. That could be ominous.

General Thoughts:

Heh. So I've compared this guy with Tony Stark twice now, which considering what he's done... No, not unfair. I mean, really, it's not exactly 'in a cave', but... Ah, anyway.

So far so good, I think. I mean, there's a few points that bug me, but I don't think they're huge issues. ... Okay, mainly the grenade bothers me, and it's not a huge issue. Otherwise, I like it.

Good stuff. :)

Well it sucks what happened to jade she might not take it too well when or if she wakes up although suppose it gives John a new project 'cyborg eye' lol great new chapter man

Not bad at all the main guy is a bit of a twat but that's good suppose lol who wants goodie goodie characters all the time, wonder how a wattz laser rifle got in the CW all that's ever seen there is AER9s really or AER12's suppose, I will continue to R&R

great story!

This is pretty damn good. You've really managed to capture the essence of fallout. Naming the "laser" weapons was a good touch, as an ex-outcast would know exactly what the weapon was called. The invention of a laser grenade too, was a good touch. You've got the feeling of post apocalypse pretty well down too. The way you wrote the combat was solid and there aren't many spelling mistakes. It looks as though you changed tense once (probably accidentally) around halfway through, but that was about the only problem I could find, which is a big step up from most fanfictions I read! Keep writing, this is a promising story and I would love to read more!