My heart hurts... Why do this to me? Why make me cry?

Let's see... Peach the mother... Toon Link the child... Captain Falcon the police officer... Snake the murderer... Mario the coroner... Pit the dream angel... I think that's who everyone was, but I'm not entirely sure (and yes, I did use the four main characters you listed as help to deciphering who was who).

Seriously, this was so painful to read (not because it's badly written, but because it was so sad)... Very oddly written, too (what with the upside down words and occasional strange font), but I enjoyed it very much (even if it's killing me inside...).

Nice job, and that ending just was perfectly heart-shattering. I need to go find all the scattered pieces of my blood-pumping organ now... Thanks for a good read :)

Oh, that's heart-breaking. I had a feeling in the last chapter when he told the child that he was going to take him somewhere to live that it was going to be an orphanage.

It's even more heart-breaking when they end up at the morgue and the child continues to ask questions about his mother and why she's still sleeping, and why is she sleeping in a box - I think that part really squeezed my heart. The readers know exactly what's going on, but they're still forced to see it from the perspective of a child who doesn't really understand what's going on or that his mother isn't coming back to him, which makes it all the more heart-wrenching.

The last line really killed me. In the last chapter, it seems like the child knows exactly when his mother was lying to him because he marks a clear distinction of when it started to happen - when the stranger came. So, the last line is really powerful, because even though the child has been ignorant of the fact that is mother is gone and doesn't seem to understand the implications of what has happened, that last line really delivers that fact that he knows that the police man has been lying to him - and even though the reader is exactly sure how much he understands, you know that he definitely understood more than he was letting on. I think it makes it even more heart-breaking, because his mother is gone but everyone is still lying to him.

Oh, gosh. Why do I get the forboding feeling that mama's not okay. I think I have a feeling I know what I'm in for for the next chapter.

Your dialogue is very powerful. Usually, I find that dialogue tends to be the weakest part of a story, but you deliver it so effectively - which really makes this piece effective. I feel like you've captured the diction of a child very well. I believe that I'm reading the dialogue of a child, rather than the dialogue of someone who doesn't really know what a child's dialogue would sound like.

This chapter has a less frantic pace than the last - you don't feel the child's urgency come through as much anymore because the man (I'm going to assume it's a man) seems to have calmed the child down. The child is calmer and therefore the piece takes on a calmer tone.

Wow, this is intense, so really kind of terrifying.

I think you did a great job with using a strictly dialogue-only prose, without having any narrative attached to it. It really puts us right in the shoes of the child because we're experiencing the child's thoughts and what they're saying, without understanding much of the context around what was going on. Which is brilliant, because it's exactly how the child is experiencing it. They don't know what's going on, so we only know the story through how the child is telling it and we experience the same type of confusion. But it also gets creepy and a bit heart-breaking, because unlike the child, we get the sense of what was really going on between the mother and the man she sometimes brought over.

And I LOVE the upside down letters - how did you even do that?

And just like that, my hopes are shattered. Literally! I thought that the Mama would be fine; that she would survive the abuse that she was given that landed her in the 'hospital.' Apparently, this is a different kind of hospital, and the mother is dead...thanks to the stranger.

Yeah, I wasn't expecting her to die, and for me to feel this way. The way you brought up the fact that she is dead...it just makes me feel empty. I've dealt with a few deaths throughout my life, and each one has been as emptied as the next. This story did a fantastic job of making me feel the numbness, the blood flow...it just brings me back.

I apologize if what above saddened you. It's not your fault; you did an excellent job writing this short story out! Everything was put into perspective by a little boy talking to a cop, and letting him know what happened to his mother. The picture of an angel really got to me as well; that's something that a little kid would definitely draw up...it's innocent in his eyes, especially with the dream he had. Cute, but a deeper meaning lies beneath.

The last line got me, I'll admit that. "Why does everyone always lie to me?" Does that mean that he knew that his mother was dead? That he was going to be living in an orphanage? That it wasn't his fault that his mom died at the hands of a stranger and his gun? Many possibilities that that one sentence has...

Again, an excellent story! In terms of SPAG for this chapter, nothing was spotted, so nice work with that! I give you kudos for writing this fantastic story! :)

Oh my goodness, my feelings for this chapter just went out the window thanks to you! Like seriously, this was a heart-felt chapter, and judging by the ending, I have a feeling that this fic won't have a happy ending (hoping I'm wrong...).

Anyway, you did another fantastic job at descripting and giving me an image to think of. So now I know that it's a little boy that the officer (the "good guy") is conversing with about Mama. I have to applaud you right now, because you have a great knack of depicting characters in terms of age. The little boy is what he is supposed to be; someone who is cheerful with an active imagination and a great knack of description (the guys' beard in relation to Santa, and then going off on saying that Santa is good while the stranger is bad). Even though the boy is all that, he is also afraid of certain scenarios (like the one being portrayed), and wouldn't want anything bad happen to those close around him. Again, kudos on that!

In terms of SPAG, one thing popped out at me:

"...but it gets tiring to have to it all the time."
-Add "do" between 'to' and 'it'

Other than that, everything else looks amazing! Well, just one more chapter to go; I do hope that this ends on a happy note!

Wow...intense is the only word that pops into my head after reading this chapter.

You did a fantastic job on describing the scene that took place between the "good guy" and the protagonist. Apparently, the protagonist's mother is at the hospital and someone put her there. From what I've read, it'll most likely be from abuse (this is just a guestimate).

From how I read the description of telling the "good guy" what happened to his/her mother, it appears to be a child, scared out of his/her mind. You did an excellent job portraying what took place between the two adults (the mother and the abuser), and you had me imagine this actually taking place. The only thing that'd be great is if I knew who these people were; but alas, I'll probably know within the next chapter!

In terms of SPAG, only one thing popped out at me:

"I thought he was sad, but she told me it was happy tears."
-I think the "he" should be a "she" if I'm reading this correctly.

Other than that, everything else looks amazing! I cannot wait to see what happens next!

Ah! What an absolutely beautiful ending chapter. And hey, I think I figured out who everyone was, minus the grown-up speaker. The boy was Young Link, the mom was Peach, and the corner was Mario. Was the grown-up Old Link? Or...? And who was the bad guy? Anyway, unimportant.

This. Was. Brilliant. A brilliant, sad, terrible, wonderful, oh my god ending. I literally feel close to tears, and I rarely cry at books, much less fanfiction. I just...you captured it all so well. The way you twisted what actually happened to the mother... you took your reader on the same journey that Young Link will eventually go through. The way that it was all explained to him leaves the reader so unsettled. Is it better that he doesn't know? I mean, the way he kept talking about seeing her again left me completely heartbroken.

And then the closing. I just cannot. I don't know if there's any significance to that - I know the game but the inner-workings of the fandom - but it really pulled this piece together.

This chapter packed the punch that the second chapter was missing, rivaling if not outshining the beginning. I"m really impressed. This has to be a favorited story!

Great job. Blown away.

Okay, so I was wrong on the female child thing. XD I really, really like this next installment, though I think it's lacking some of the nuances from the first chapter that really blew me away. (This was still excellent, though!) Maybe the mood wasn't quite as developed? Maybe the lack of upside down characters took away some of the urgency and distress? Still, it was a great chapter contributing to a great story!

I think you capture the way children think very realistically. You've gotten the child's rambles just right. There's something about kids that makes them go from one topic to the other, often from something important to mundane. You take the mundane but sprinkle important characterization and plot development in there, all without aging your narrator. Bravo.

Still pretty confused about who is who and what's actually going on, but I'm really interested in what shall be revealed in the final chapter.

Oh my god. This is so, so dark and yet so brilliantly done. I'm not going to lie: I was worried at first, if only because I usually hate dialogue-only fics. You just never get enough details and I don't typically feel connected to them. But I sure as hell felt connected to this. The way the little girl (boy? I don't know, I feminized that speaker but I don't recall there every being any indication) was speaking...the fear...it made me afraid. It filled me with fear. That's a very powerful thing to do.

I also loved you "experimental" elements in this piece, like the upside down letters. I don't know if I understand the significance yet, but it just really contributes to the creepy nature of this story. Like, you've managed to develop this very unsettling tone and mood which I think most people have to rely on descriptive prose to create. I'm just super blown away by the skill of this first chapter.

Anxiously clicking the "Next" button so I can read more!

I really liked this. It's really, incredibly difficult to get a coherent story with only dialogue, and you're only the second or third author I've read up here to try it. I'm sitting here getting chills with the way the story develops in drips and drabs, each little bit more skin-crawling than the last.

I like the use of the upside letters. You have a really great typographical flourish throughout your works that I think serves your subjects really well. It seems like the inverted letters are Toon Link's (?) own thoughts? If so, that's a clever way to distinguish it from both Toon Link's dialogue and the Italicized dialogue.

The only critique I have is that I have no idea what age toon link is supposed to be here. He seems to vary a little between three-ish and maybe six-ish? Like, there are parts where he sounds very young, like when he doesn't recognize what bruises are, and parts where he sounds more mature, as well as being very articulate.

Overall, though, another lovely and engaging read and I look forward to following this story!

Cheers! x

D': it made me cry! This is so good! Love it!

Ouch! This must be sad for Toon Link (I guess? Fandom-blind...) seeing his mom carried by ambulance. A young boy losing his mom is very sad indeed, and this chapter really shows the child's attachment to his mom (only with dialogue, which is excellent). This topic often hits my weak spot. ;) The dream foreshadows something bad and sad I think. The child's dialogue is so well-done, because it really feels like a child speaking. The last few lines are also...sad. I can see how Toon Link wants to be with his mom so much. Lovely work! :D

It's hard to tell a child about seeing their parents die. No child has to go through something so traumatic and horrible.

C. Falcon was a bounty hunter back at F-Zero, if I remember. However, I'm not sure who the strange man is. Half of me says Ganandorf though.

Seeing this in Young Link's perspective was smart, seeing as we are seeing this in a child's eyes. But something tells me, that this is just the beginning of something horrible and tragic.

That was very cool, very artsy. I'm kind of confused as to what characters it is about, and what the plot is... But again, it was very cool! I liked the upside down words and stuff, it was really interesting!