Greetings,

It's Theodore Hawkwood from Writer's Anonymous once again and I'm once more thrilled to get another look into this alternate version of the X-men: First Class universe.

That aside, time for the review.

I have to say I can certainly appreciate the image the first sentence of this chapter brings up. I can hear Charles' shoes clattering against the paving stones as he runs through the gate at Oxford for his long-overdue rendezvous with Raven. Now I am quite curious, thanks to Chapter 2's cliffhanger, as to what will confront Charles. Will he find an irate Raven waiting for him or will he find she has vanished? My gut tells me the latter but to confirm it I'll need to continue scrolling down. Nice hook from Chapter two, once again.

And by the fourth paragraph, I can see it is the latter. Part of me wonders if the Gobblers got a hold of her, or if she's disappeared of her own accord in search of Charles, so while my question as a reader in the previous paragraph was answered, yet another question popped in right after it, so good work there.

The second segment with Abbott's hurried invite to the President's Study serves to deepen the intrigue. I just wonder what is going to happen with this conversation, so thanks again for the intrigue.

Before I continue I have to say the style of the dialogue was something I could hear in my mind's ear, that of working-class English accents, likely a London dialogue of the Cockney variety. Good work on that.

Tea with the President makes me feel vaguely uneasy for some reason, perhaps alluded to in earlier chapters given Charles' orphaned status. I can't help but fear that some machinations are afoot to steal Charles' inheritance and bump him off for some reason.

This sense of foreboding probably stems from my knowledge of Sebastian Shaw from the X-men First: Class films and his actions with Moira in Chapter One. I can't help but feel he's got some sort of ulterior motive that this story's going to reveal before too long.

In any case, this apprenticeship with Sebastian Shaw presents a rather interesting set of possibilities for subsequent chapters. So thank you, once again, for putting another form of intrigue in my head as I continue to read this chapter and the rest of this fanfic.

It seems quite telling to me that Charles' worries about Raven and her whereabouts are (temporarily I hope) shunted aside with this information that he'll be traveling to the North and 'less civilized' places around the globe. This should prove to be rather interesting.

I do hope that this excitement is temporary and Charles' concern for Raven returns, so, at the very least he can see what has become of her. Then again, he is young, so I can see him getting swept up in the excitement of this opportunity with Shaw at least temporarily.

So in that regard, I have to commend you for portraying a young Charles Xavier as human. He isn't perfect, he makes mistakes and that should mean another interesting facet to him as we see his story unfold. In any case, I am excited to hit the 'next' button to see what else can transpire here.

Great Work,

Theodore Hawkwood

Greetings.

It's Theodore Hawkwood from Writer's Anonymous yet again. If I make any canon errors for Golden Compass I'll once again apologize and any inconsistencies in my review are because I review in an 'as I read' sort of fashion.

I'll say from reading Chapter One I had been looking forward to Lord Shaw's first meeting with Charles Xavier. As a fan of X-men: First Class I recall Shaw first met Erik and never quite formally met Charles as I recall, at least face to face. I am wondering if the dynamic of this story is different from the start, but I shall soon see. So, great work in continuing to pique my curiosity with the first paragraph. I am very curious to see how Shaw and Xavier's dynamic will work out, assuming Shaw met Xavier first and then met Erik.

Reading still further I find the rather easy discussion between Charles and Shaw quite fascinating with the dialogue between them. The dialogue flows well at just the right pace for a casual sort of dinner party.

Knowing what I know about Shaw and his motivations in X-men: First Class I can't help but wonder if Charles inadvertently put his head into the proverbial crocodile's mouth when he told Shaw about Raven and both her abilities and her daemon's abilities. Something tells me trouble is afoot, so great work in putting that question into me and deepening the intrigue and suspense.

Following the chapter break, we get a bit of a summary about disappearing children. The different rumors circulating about the motives for said disappearances only serve to further deepen the intrigue and I wonder if Shaw may well be behind this, or if the higher-ups at Oxford also could have some connection to it. I suppose I shall soon see. I get a feeling Shaw is connected given his talk with Moira in Chapter One and presumably she was one of the disappeared children. Again, I shall soon see.

And we get the long-awaited introduction of the Lehnsherr family. Seeing that this is a very different world, evidently, from the history of X-men: First Class it is quite a fascinating dynamic that Erik's family is still alive. I am curious to see what his relationship to Shaw and relations with Charles will be like in future installment given that in this timeline given that Erik was rendered an orphan at a young age at Auschwitz.

Pietro is mentioned here. I wonder if in this timeline Pietro is still Erik's son. Very likely not given their ages, but certainly is fascinating if it's the same infamous fast-talking speedster of various X-men franchises. I wonder about his parentage, so way to jar another question into me early on.

I have to say your blending of two different canons seems to be rather well-executed thus far even if one canon I am totally unfamiliar with. I find that your writing makes the world that I've gotten into rather intriguing, given my familiarity with one of those worlds and unfamiliarity with another.

I wonder if the gyptians of this world are akin to the Romani or Gypsies of our world. It would seem so and have an interesting connection to the larger X-men lore where as far as I recall Erik, as well as Pietro and Wanda, spent some time among the Gypsies as well. I find this nod to canon (in various incarnations) to be another nice little Easter Egg.

The last sentence in the second to last paragraph does a lovely job of painting the tensions the Gobblers are causing in this world. "Trading seemed to have been forgotten" implies that the enterprising gyptians (and you've done a great job in showing me that they are the enterprising sort with Magda Lehnsherr's intro) are worried about something, what with Pietro's disappearance.

And the very last paragraph in the chapter adds still more tension given that Charles forgot about his meeting with Raven for what sounds like a full day. And given these Gobblers are out and about it seems plausible that she ran afoul of them. If nothing else I really like your use of cliffhangers there, it makes me want to hit the 'next' button to see just what sort of trouble Charles has gotten himself into with Raven or if Raven is even going to be around to give him a lecture.

Great Work,

Theodore Hawkwood

Greetings.

It's Theodore Hawkwood from Writer's Anonymous. It's great to get to see an X-men: First Class fanfic. I've been away from that fandom for a while and am eager to get back into it.

Right, now for the review I owe.

As a fellow worldbuilder and crossover fanfiction writer, I do think that your mileage may vary with the explanation you have about the world of The Golden Compass. I personally found it useful, but then again I'm the sort who enjoys getting into the mythos of a given universe. Some readers could get put off by overly long author's notes, but in my case, I found it useful as an explanation about the nature of the world we're dealing with so it made for a very intriguing look at what I feel will be an interesting alternate universe.

Right away the contrasts of this world from the one we see in X-men: First Class are quite visible to me. For one Charles Xavier as an orphan is an interesting take, and the notion that Raven didn't pose as his sister as she did in the film X-men: First Class shows a fairly interesting dynamic may arise here that I'm curious to see.

And as I read further into the tale I can see that this world is certainly very different from the 1962 world of our history. I found the dialogue between Raven and Charles worked quite well, quite reminiscent of their dialogue in the early stages of the movie X-men: First Class yet different as well. I find myself intrigued about this world.

The scene where Moira McTaggert meets Lord Sebastian Shaw first via their daemon was yet another interesting scene. I wonder how she wound up in London in this alternate world of yours, I'll be interested to see how her relationship to the other characters will develop in the span of this story. So I'll say way to put another hook, so to speak, into me as I read this fanfiction.

I found myself intrigued about the sort of work Moira's father does in this story, given that the first paragraph mentions he's in and out of the house a lot and food is rather scarce.

I do feel Shaw's offer sounds like it's got strings attached if he's anything like the Sebastian Shaw I recall from the movie. I get a scary feeling that he'll be the villain here, but time shall tell. I'll definitely keep everything I see here in mind as I go along, so once again, thank you for giving me some intrigue to read through.

I had to smile at the notion of Charles detesting the formal wear and the rather stiffly buttoned-up manner he was instructed to behave in when going to this affair where he was going to meet the higher-ups at the college at dinner. However, the ending really caught my eye, Charles meeting Shaw was a great cliffhanger at the end.

I'm certainly quite intrigued as to how things are going to shake out in subsequent chapters of this fanfic. Minus the long author's note at the beginning tripping me up a bit, you've managed to hook me with a story that I'm quite willing to continue reading and reviewing in the near future.

On the Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar front I didn't encounter any glaring issues, so good work there.

Regards,

Theodore Hawkwood

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
Author's Note: This is a crossover fiction that combines X-Men: First Class with the world of "The Golden Compass", by Philip Pullman. You will see many (but not all) of the X-Men: First Class characters representing many (but not all) of the characters in "The Golden Compass". The world created by Philip Pullman for "The Golden Compass" is a world similar to our own, but it has several unique characteristics. I've chosen to explain a few below to assist those who may be unfamiliar with the books.

May the gods and goddesses always bless you all. O.o

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
The restaurant won't be open for another hour. "Okay, then," she decides, and Kintros changes into a sparrow and flies to her shoulder. The man gestures down the street, and Moira walks away with him.

U skillz ain't good. ;)

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
A few days later, Charles was being marched along the corridor by Scholar Hecart, one of the youngest and most agile of the faculty at Oxford. He had been dispatched to retrieve Charles and make sure he showed up for dinner properly dressed and groomed. While Charles was old enough to do this himself, experience had taught the Scholars that supervision was the best method. Charles was fast, but Scholar Hecart was tall and fast, and the result was the hand on Charles' collar pushing him along to his rooms.

Your propaganda is so amateur, as I'm an expert in psychology. T-T

Over here from WA: I'm a fan of Charles Xavier from the movies and cartoons (haven't read any of the comics) but am fandom blind to the Golden Compass books. This review will seem longer than it is because I quoted pieces of the story.

Your version of Xavier, both the backstory you gave and the in-the-moment scenes, fit perfectly with the Xavier I've seen in canon. From your writing, I could easily picture the Golden Compass world with every human paired with a daemon was portrayed. Two little details I'd have liked to know are these: First, even if this world accepts mutant powers, is Charles trying to hide his mind-influencing power or does everyone know about it? If he's hiding it (and I loved the casual introduction into the story of "They would occasionally threaten to beat Raven for her presumption, but then Charles would make them forget..."), then perhaps add a brief internal explanation when the power is first mentioned. If everyone knows, then maybe have others bring it up? For example, no-nonsense Scholar Hecart could preempt any use of it and warn Charles that if he makes Hecart forget his duty to get Charles to the supper, Charles will just get in trouble for it the next day, etc. Second, can the daemon be killed separately from the human? If so, would the human die? You could slip this information into the middle scene when the snake daemon appears threatening to the mouse.

Some people would say don't start with backstory, but since this is Professor X, I think it's necessary to place him in age and circumstance in your story-and I found the backstory very interesting. Also, some people don't like author foreshadowing, but I think you did this ominously well in the middle section with "Her name is Moira McTaggert, and she is the child who will disappear" and at the end where the viewpoint seems to stay at the scene while poor Moira walks out of it, fate unknown.

The story problem is intriguing. It gave me shivers that in this universe, a little girl isn't enticed away by getting to play with a puppy; the little girl is enticed away by the bad guy's daemon playing with her daemon. The whole incident is written in a wonderfully visual and sinister way. A girl with a life like Moira's is likely more suspicious than the average child yet more dependent on strangers (she gets leftovers from the restaurant).

Minor nits: scene 1, para 6 "that day" was jarring to me because I initially looked back to see what day this phrase referenced. Scene 1, para 8 "She wants to make us all us..." is the first "us" out of place? Scene 2, para 11 should "If you were, though, I'm giving a party." I think "I'd invite you to my party" would fit better. Scene 2, para 14, "The restaurant won't be open for another hour" is redundant; either leave it out or have the thought progress, e.g., She was too hungry to wait for the restaurant to open, etc.

Bits I especially liked I didn't already mention: "A little girl walks through the industrial section of London, taking care to avoid the murky pools of slick that collect after the fish gutters complete their day's work." "Charles was fast, but Scholar Hecart was tall and fast, and the result was the hand on Charles' collar pushing him along to his rooms." "The Steward was a servant, so his daemon was a dog. However, he was a superior servant, so she was a superior dog: a Gordon Setter."

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
"Don't worry about it, Raven. En't nobody stealing kids."

The fact that you're unable to feel compassion indicates clearly that you're a psychopath. O.o

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
"I will if I feel like it." Charles looked in the steamy mirror and lathered his face with scented soap. "I en't an old man, en't acting like one."

. ;)

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Hybrid of Fate is nothing. She needs mental help.

cathrl, do u want to be my daddy? I won't promise to be a good girl :D

CrystalRei should quit.

Now onto the actual review:
At that moment, the Steward opened the heavy oak doors and looked around for Charles. The Steward was a servant, so his daemon was a dog. However, he was a superior servant, so she was a superior dog: a Gordon Setter. She stood behind him as the Steward crooked his gloved finger at Charles.

This ring is a magic item that gives great power to its user. :P

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Now onto the actual review:
Humans talk with each other, and daemons talk with each other, but it is rare for a daemon to directly address another human than his/her own, or vice versa. Humans and their daemons cannot be far apart from one another; a distance of more than a few yards becomes incredibly painful for both. Most of the time, they stay in physical contact. Daemons are usually (but not always) the opposite gender of their human.

Off ffn with u. O.O

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Now onto the actual review:
A little girl walks through the industrial section of London, taking care to avoid the murky pools of slick that collect after the fish gutters complete their day's work. Her daemon Kintros runs up her sleeve as a mouse and tucks himself inside her collar, where it's warmer. She is hungry; there isn't anything at home for her to eat, and there won't be until her father returns in a few days.

He came to Jesus at night and said. O.o

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

And Bella119 is dumb.

Now onto the actual review:
Her name is Moira McTaggert, and she is the child who will disappear.

. ;)

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

Now onto the actual review:
Oxford College was one of the most magnificent colleges in all of Britain, and probably in all the world, if anyone really wanted to compare. Scholar candidates fought to be admitted. Staff and servant jobs were coveted. The buildings were old, the library older, and the funding unlimited.

He was strongly against all violence. T_T

Down with Critics United!

They are the cancer to our society.

The root of heresy needs to be burnt to crisp

with over thousand innocent souls without remorse or guilt thereafter.

No sacrifice is too great and no treachery too small.

Remember, we all are walking under the immortal shadow of Him.

His light shines so brightly, it will guide us to our foreseen destiny that is in our grasp.

A great moment we all should not pass.

Praise Be The Emperor of Mankind!

If you are on the same page, cp this message.

Now onto the actual review:
"She wants that anyway."

We're soul mates. T_T