| Reviews for Born Rider |
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Danen5 chapter 4 . 1/11/2018 worst story ever but I love the bit with the elder scroll messing things up. great try and don't let me drag ya which I know you'll either reply or not to it with some macho libre stuff. it's a wonderful story but like the last Xover story I reviewed was the same as this in terms of dragon born bashing which I know this is regardless of some plot or some such nonsense such as him trying to be more human...no pressure |
Guest chapter 2 . 2/17/2016 Ok well this is stupidly annoying in how you are not letting the dragonborn speak... dragonborn do this dragonborn do that dragonborn said this, its annoying. Please jf you ever to hop back onto this continue it but have more details and "real world logic" added to it like why does he have to answer anything or why his draconic nature doesnt have any affect on his human half |
Guest chapter 2 . 6/1/2015 This story is alright but it could be improved apon, Dragons when fighting and using there voice are having a deadly argument with words, Its there lanaguage made for dragons! It isnt there magic |
Guest chapter 10 . 2/24/2015 If a dragonrider dies the dragon dies instantly with it... |
minecraft chapter 10 . 2/23/2014 minecraft minecraft minecraft minecraft |
phoenixforce50 chapter 10 . 8/20/2013 Attention, dear readers, I have seen the errors of my ways and yadda yadda yadda. Bottom line, I am going to re-write the Dragonborn with an actual character, continuing from where we left off (or just a little bit further, it's hard to measure time in Skyrim) but anyway, I plan to make two sequels which should both, if not at least one, be better than the original (Shocked silence!). Again, thank you all for sticking with me until the end, I promise to make it worth your while. Warning: the following Crossover won't contain any more Eragon, but if you liked my writing style or characters, you should like them anyway. |
Master of The Blood Wolves chapter 10 . 8/5/2013 I'd go the dice gods route. See if you can run with a random idea. That's the true test of a writer and one we all take eventually. |
trninjakiller chapter 10 . 6/29/2013 ok im sorry to say that this story seriously needs a complete rewrite from the beginning. your dragonborn character is basically non existant and the dialogue is absolutely boring and shallow. |
Tabby Tom Cat chapter 9 . 6/3/2013 Wow, epic lore fail. The divines don't have realms in Oblivion. Among other things. |
Mike chapter 8 . 6/2/2013 I figured that was what you were trying to do but I'm afraid you're trying to fix the symptom rather than the problem. The problem is that your character is non-existant. At the moment he has no name, no race and no voice. He has no way of standing on his own and interacting with others, let alone allowing the reader to get to know him through seeing through his eyes. You can't add history, opinions etc. when there is nothing else to support them. I appreciate your courage for trying a new style of writing and trying to allow a reader to fill in the blanks any way they want. Unfortunately, the experiment didn't work out. In many ways it's just not possible. Simply by saying the Dragonborn is male, you immediately disqualify your character as a generic everybody's character. If you really, absolutely must try for a generic DB, try for the male Nord seen in the cinematic trailer. Give him a voice and a presence. Give him a few strong generic Nord personality traits but let the majority of his personal history take a back seat. Mind you, once you have done that I wonder why you don't just take the final step and make an original, interesting Dragonborn. You have lots of cool ideas. The only problem is that your character isn't real enough to support them. I know you have the skill to do your DB justice. So, summon the courage you used to try something experimental and do a rewrite. It will be worth it in the end. |
wolves567 chapter 5 . 3/11/2013 i like this story hope you get the next chapter |
Guest chapter 5 . 3/7/2013 really like this story, hope you dont give up on it |
Mike chapter 5 . 3/6/2013 You have a very unusual style and while I support experimentation there are some huge drawbacks. 1. Your Dragonborn is mute. By not writing out you dialog, you are skipping over a world of detail. It makes the conversation seem one sided and colorless. 3. You are telling not showing. I was surprised that this could be applied to dialog but you have taught me differently. This gets dull and boring and very formulaic. I feel like I've missed the story and am being told about second, third or even fourth hand. There is no immediacy to what is going on and there is no depth to the conversations. 4. Lack of characterization. I get the feeling you're trying to allow your character act to act as an avatar of any DB the reader wants. Or maybe as the generic DB we've seen in the cinematic trailer. I get what you're trying to do... the problem is that it's not working. Instead of being a seamless replacement for however the reader wishes to imagine the Dragonborn as, we've got a stiff, featureless cardboard cut-out. 5. What's the point? With the POV being from the point of view of a great nothing that can't interact or contribute to the story, why are we reading? Where is that special something be it personal drama or overarching plot that makes me invested? At the moment all we have are a collection of minor action sequences or conversations that died before they began. You do write combat fairly well but it is not enough on its own. The dialog... see above. It can be fun to try different styles and approaches to writing but I have to say this one doesn't work. I think you could add full dialog and round out your DB and have a great story, though. I hope that you'll consider it. |
Italy chapter 3 . 1/24/2013 Interesting story, I would like to read more :) |
Night Fury the Black chapter 3 . 11/29/2012 It's pretty good but could still use more depth and longer chapters, BUT I STILL HUNGER FOR MORE! |