Hi hi! So I decided to pop over and do a chapter of the other story I know you mentioned you will be working on with the Bang *is making the rounds* I’m fandom blind when it comes to the League, so if I get something wrong or mistake something, forgive me! That said, on with the review!

Hrm, so Riley is a fascinating character to me at this point. At first I thought maybe she was a deaf-person or someone who was hard of hearing, especially when you mentioned she could converse with her hands. At the end though I am wondering if there’s something more involved, some type of psychological trauma that has inspired her to become so reticent to speaking and looking people in the eye. It’s this very ambiguity of her character and about her condition that are definitely working to bring a reader into the story. I want to know more, to understand what happened and why.

Can I just say that this: ((Silence)) is a highly effective hook line? It’s not even a line. It’s just one word. But it works. Because it instantly makes me wonder where the hell the character is, or what is going on that this is the only sound to be heard. Silence is such a definitive and wholly evocative word. It can mean nothing, it can mean the world has paused to take a breath; a hush has come over a crowd. There are a plethora of things it can represent. So you get major kudos on finding a very powerful way to open this story.

Ah, this explains the silence: ((Libraries. They are my home away from home, my own version of heaven. Here, silence is the expectation, and being quiet is the norm.)). The fact that you are working in the most difficult POV here helps with this line. You are not giving the library a physical description so much as you are using it to give her a description. This is a safety zone for her, a place where she feels she can be herself, where she doesn’t need to worry about interacting with other individuals, just with things like books. Here is where she feels normal. And can I say that that is so absolutely heartbreaking? It tugs on my heart strings that someone can feel more comfortable with books than with people. Course, I did this with Raya as well. Books are an escape from the real world, from the problems we have, or the people we don’t want to face. Books provide us a way to live outside of ourselves, to speak what we cannot speak. It’s depressing, it’s heartbreaking and it’s tragic, but it’s better than drugs or alcohol. It’s better than finding refuge in fighting.

See, this here: ((Of course, I can speak, with my hands.)) is what made me think she was deaf. For me, just having learned some communication skills with ASL, which is what I instantly flashed upon. It’s a great skill to have, and it’s definitely intriguing, I just find myself wanting to know a bit more about why she cannot seemingly speak verbally. I don’t know if you know the video game, but Riley is reminding me of Claude from GTA III. He’s mute, but we don’t know if it’s because he cannot speak, or because he willingly chooses not to speak. That’s the opinion I have here and it’s an intriguing morsel that is keeping me interested because I want to know what the reason is.

Again, another tragic line here: ((I don't interact with real people. I interact with books.)). Books are a comfort; they are a familiarity and a reality that cannot hurt us. People are not. They are evil, they can be cruel. They judge and mock. Books do none of those things and for a girl who knows she’s different; this is her way of being social and in making a connection with something.

Your entire section here that starts with: ((London, 1899.)) really works as a book insert. It was intriguing and gave me a small glimpse at the cast of characters who you might call upon once the story kicks into the next gear. Already I feel a connection to them, and am interested in how they will play off each other given how some of them are so vastly different from each other (and from my own knowledge of them).

See, this: ((All she sees is a child who used to talk and does no more,)) is why I want answers lol I want to know why Riley could talk, but doesn’t. Ignore the refuses to listen to reason part, that’s just Mom being Mom, but I want to understand what happened that made Riley as she is.

Oho, is this: ((That's all that I remember before the world goes black.)) the setup for a time jump? Loving it… really do. The tragedy of the car accident and the question on whether she and her Mom will be all right is something that lingers as you bring the story to a close. Are we going to see Riley projected into the book she has become invested in, or will she wake up in the hospital with her head bandaged and just think she has been propelled into the world of her book? So many possibilities to consider and which could happen. Can’t wait to see what might be the case :)

In all, this was a great first chapter. I’ve got a lot of questions that I want to see answered at this point and will be checking back to see if those answers are given. Great job!

I. Love. This.

Solid story! I like how you wind the two stories together. It's really interesting. And Riley is a great character! Keep going :)

I've gone back and reread what you've posted so far and I still like this story. I think it has terrific potential and you left it at a cliffhanger. That just makes your readers anxious for more. I am curious that you disabled you PM though...

Please keep up the fantastic work. Good luck.

I am always happy to discover stories like this. Keep up the good work :)

amazing story! i love how Riley is a normal girl in the middle of it, with no fighting skills but she learns and practices and doesn't have some power that makes her different. i also like how you have everyone have the thoughts that men were superior because in the 19th century that was common, women were expected to be mothers and wives so them thinking it's not normal for Mina to be a chemist or Riley wearing men's clothes is historically accurate

I am glad to see another update. I think you handled the events in Venice fairly well. I certainly look forward to the next chapter and hope to see it soon. Good luck.

Hey, I'm pretty sure I reviewed too... Derp

Wow, that mother is one piece of work. It seems like Riley has some form of autism yet the mother is quite unsympathetic about her daughters condition. Since there isn't a whole lot of character development with the mother, all I really feel is dislike for her. I'm not sure if that's what you wanted or not, but that's how I'm reading it.
I like Riley, but at this point I'm interested in seeing how she develops more as a character in future chapters.
Please don't think I'm being harsh, I'm trying to give you a truthful critique. I know that's what I want in my stories so I hope you don't mind :)

This is a very entertaining story. I hope to see more soon. Good luck.

I love your story it is so freaking awesome please continue I want to know what's going to happen with Riley and also want to know the real reason skinner protects her and teaches her how to fight!

I don't believe it, I helped you add something to a story. It's a bit of character background but still I didn't see that coming.
I have to say that I enjoy how you have Quatermain's comments piss Riley off, fits with change in times.

AWESOME! Please write more. One peice of advice for keeping happy readers, try not to end a chapter on a cliff hanger and then not fill them in for a long period of time. But either way, it is indubitably brilliant.

A wonderful chapter. I certainly enjoyed every minute of it. Riley keeps weaving herself in and out of the movie plotline and it is certainly entertaining to read. I liked her little joke by stealing Skinner's coat and hat. She was having fun. And you did a good job with her inquiring about Mina's chemistry equipment. Even if Dorian interrupted... Finally, the accusations against our invisible thief were handled very well. I just want to give the poor girl a hug. Keep up the great work.

Love the interactions between Riley and Skinner, really well written!
Can't wait for the next chapter!