Depressing, and filled with so much emotion. This is a truly sad fic indeed...

Hi again,

this is quite a passage. I have to say I think you take liberties with Kyouko's character _but_ do so in a very consistent fashion that is poignant, visceral and edifying. I don't care that it's not quite 100% Kyouko. Just as fanfiction in general is an extension of the world the author made through alternative narratives, fanfiction can have value in exploring alternative versions of the characters. I am hoping you were aware of the liberties you took, I presume they were taken intentionally, but just in case they weren't...also because I want to make some comments later on about what I see as Kyouko's essential nature that may I hope influence your future work with her if you think these comments have merit...which in no way disrespects what you wrote here. Once again, seeing your work was a high point in my day.

But I need to sleep soon (okay, _relatively soon_, okay I said all this because it cheered me up to discuss the topic...) so I'll address my other point:

I'll preface by saying that I really appreciate your stellar work in this story in trying to depict a crisis of faith. Many smart misfits these days hate the idea of religion and take it as a sign of feeblemindedness or cowardice to look at spirituality with anything but venomous scorn. Many of those who don't think this are in the minority who are believers, and they tend to paint an unduly rosy picture of religion in their work, or at least a simplistic one.

You don't fall prey to either extreme here, and I think that's incredibly valuable. Fiction is a statement of what we think the world should be, or what we fear it might be. It's a threat and a hope crafted to help forge the shape of each others worlds. A reasonably balanced picture of what a genuine believer struggles with in their path can help many different types of people in diverse circumstances.

So this is why I'm going to point out an inaccuracy that is material. I think it leaves room for a small but significant improvement in an important facet of the passage. The bit about Job. I've only read the introduction and the conclusion and otherwise the summaries of that book. (I'm a militant but humble agnostic, ableit somewhat pro-belief.) But unless all three summaries are wrong, your depiction of the book of Job doesn't match what happens in it. God isn't in any type of contact with Job _at all_ during his trials. That's actually one of the main points of the whole thing.

Yes it's true that ultimately, Job is afflicted as a test. But _Job_ is _never_ informed this is what it is all about. God is totally silent with Job until the very end of the book. You can't even say Job had the assurance of being an innocent. The belief that somehow there was a mistake in his divine punishment (ill fortune that was so excessive and pronounced it HAD to be an act of God). People generally are very easy to extract false confessions of guilt from. While Job does steadfastly defend his innocence _in the end of the book he essentially says he was wrong to do so_!

You could say he did this from shock at finally being confronted by God at the very end. but I think a more plausible interpretation is he had doubts all along. But that he had persevered in refusing to "curse God and die" [for release from his torment] from a very Kyouko like stubbornness. An inarticulate but pure conviction that he was going to survive and see what HAPPENED now that he was in a pit of torment. He wasn't going to be beaten by pain. See, the book of Job isn't about managing to keep touch with certainty in trying circumstances. Its about pain, confusion, conflicting hypotheses that even their theorists don't show 100% confidence in. And in the end it's about _a resounding silence_ that _fails to answer_ the cry from the heart "Why do I have to suffer, God, if you're benevolent, just and all powerful?"

(It's worth driving home here: God suddenly pops up at the end and basically says to Job "you ask why you have to suffer? _what do you know about being Me?_ Have YOU made a universe in all its complexity and splendor? _who are you to demand that answer_" and Job , stunned, says basically "I take it all back! I'm sorry, I don't know what I did wrong, but I'm sorry!" It's...the epitome of anticlimax.)

(And some would say, a huge cop out, but I don't think so. Either you attribute human persistence in the face of extreme suffering to blind survival instinct that doesn't know when to quit to spare a person needless suffering...or that almost invincible will to live reflects something important. If it's the former, everything's meaningless. if it's the latter, everything's vague. Thus, the irrationality of the glorious moments of the human spirit either indicates something instinctive, or something transcendent we only brush the edges of. God's non answer fits the latter. In the end God's response to Job sounds to me like a cry of pain at the isolation of a parent from their toddler child. The salving of pride that was wounded at being reminded things have not gone well for someone you love despite your desire for the opposite.)

(Moreover I think _Uro_ clearly wants to believe human glory means _something_ even if he's very cautious not to make too much of or get too specific about that "something". Esp if you look at steins;gate)(and I urge you to see it if you haven't because while it doesn't shake the limbic system by the lapels like Madoka, it has equally poignant ruminations about life in it)

See, the book of Job alongside the book of Ecclsiastes forms two important "brackets" to the belief of anyone of faith. Job asks "why pain?" and has no good answer...but Job persists in being good anyway. Ecclesiastes asks "what's the point of life?" and has no good answer...but Solomon in his dotage still acts as though _despite_ being a tired, demoralized old man, there is still some value in life even if he can't explain why. And at various times in their lives, almost anyone of faith is going to be in the places that Job and Elderly Solomon find themselves. Their faith is real not because it has no doubts but because they cling to the hope being good matters despite the terrible fear it doesn't.

The reason I emphasize this is because Kyouko in this passage is in the state of touching both these brackets. Her state really is very much like Job's in particular. She may take total responsibility for how things turned out. But I think she has to seethe at the monumental unfairness. She meant the best, and gave her all, and took a bad situation (starving family of a heretical priest) and made things _much worse_. Even if unlike Job she "caused" this, she has to feel deeply abandoned by both physical parents and Celestial parent alike. Deeply angry that she was left in a hazardous situation where she could end up responsible for this. (And the book of Job apparently does have a passage where Job replies to a comment on "humans are so wretched" with "then how can we be held accountable for the sins caused by the wretchedness which is a product of God creating us wretched in the first place?")

The passage you have cites Job to enhance the emphasis on how desolate and bleak Kyouko's situation is. I think you could do better here if you worked with the parallel between her and Job. The parallel that Job hung on not because he knew he was right, but because he couldn't bear to conclude that God was unworthy of his praise and fealty. Job couldn't say he was happy. He had no idea why this was happening to him and was _angry_ at his "three stooges" "friends" who had their hurtful theories why there was an easy explanation for events.

And Kyouko in canon basically does her best to ignore coming up with a "big picture" answer. She knows she's going to cling to a very small core idea. Just like Job clinging to his hope, she clings to her insistence she'll be good _by her standards_. She's not going to take responsibility for anyone or anything else, and have a good time as much as she can. But she's got her own code and has no respect for anyone trying to judge that code. This is why she's so livid at Sayaka and her idealism. Sayaka is like the stooges, naively clinging to a simplistic view of a complex world and confidently preaching...ironically all the while showing the inadequacy of what she believes by how she slides on the express line to despair and becoming a witch. She talks big but can't walk the walk. Job and Kyouko make no expansive statements of belief amidst their torment, but they _stay in the game_ despite having every incentive to despair and quit.

(which isn't to dis Sayaka since it is after all her _belief_ she's _done intolerable wrong_ by not walking the walk that thaws Kyouko's frozen heart. Job needed a prod to avoid total despair, (though it was the stooges being idiots), Kyouko got a prod of love from how admirable she found Sayaka)

(And note: God pretty much says "those were _bad ideas_" as to the stooges' theories why bad stuff happened to Job by nearly punishing the stooges after giving the non answer to Job. and its worth noting that the stooges ideas include what were the dominant theodicies up to that point! so the author of this book basically gave a slap of indignation to the wise teachers and authorities of their day on the question of suffering and sin. Just like Kyouko intends to give to anyone who says she shouldn't lose faith)

What I would say is that Kyouko should reflect how her situation is worse than Job's because she did something to set it all in motion, whereas Job just had everything taken from him as an unfair test. Job could have the illusion he was the good guy, she doesn't get that paltry luxury to cling to during _her_ torment.

But I think rather than this being purely to underscore her misery, she should reflect something like "Job had no idea he was going to have a happy ending. And he suf

Kyoko's former churchmates might do well to remember Matthew 7:1-"Judge not, lest ye be judged."

Amazingly well written, and pretty much perfectly dovetails with my own interpretation of the character, that, despite her tough-girl attitude (and I do believe that is partially genuine, although she's exaggerating it in the show in order to try to drive Sayaka out/snap her out of her funk), she's a very, very broken girl in her private moments.