the only thing I don't like is you forgot the use of
quotation marks for dialogue

U stupid I hate this whiz ugggh

I love this fanfic.

You should google the terms "Quotation Marks" and "dialog"

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Make sasuke check on hinata while naruto was on a mission nd they have major sex or somethin then naruto comes I. Then he leaves the village then comes back and hinata and naruto are back together but sasuke wants hinata and so if sasuke win every single night sasuke and hinata would hae sex and if naruto won naruto would have a happy life

You might want to spell check... fail for fell asleep...pinitrate for penetrate and a ton of other words. Your story needs some work maybe you should search for a beta. Good luck for your future story.

So this is yet another Naruto is the doormat and Sasuke is the hero who gets all story huh? Sounds like you're nothing more than a troll just like Matt is.

Well like mentioned you should have kept your writers block because this is utter garbage and seems like a angry twelve year old thought it up.

However, nothing pleases me more than the fact that I get to report this since your format is against the rules.

No offense to you, but I wish your writer's block had stayed. Yes, this is based off a Matt Wilson comic. That still doesnt' change this is an unholy out-of-character mess. I've always hated "Sasuke is an asshole, but gets everything he wants and has absolutely no consequences for his actions." Besides, this is script format and that violates Fanfics guidelines.

?

For Hinata to cheat on Naruto you have to make her completely and utterly OOC. Hell, might as well be some OC named Hinata, or just tag it AU. Otherwise whatever reason you come up with will be b/s and turn people away. Sort of like how you already have, so I guess no worries how your wreck their character traits.

Let me echo the first reviewer as to the use of quotation marks they are vital for any proper fic.

First of all i'll admit that the premise of fic such as this always struck me as odd...not the cheating mind you,considering how rampant it is in real life it does little for me as a "shock factor"..now what i find odd is that you are still making it a naruhina,the way is see it as in real life there is really no good excuse for cheating (and i'm using the word excuse because as far as I'm concerned there is no such thing as a good reason for cheating) a fic like this should start as naruhina and then move to another paring,and no it's not on account of me not liking the pairing...i absolutely adore naruhina,but do to the premise of this fic the only way for it to work is if naruto has no self respect and nearly zero brain activity...

Unless you are planing on sticking to cannon Naruto to the latter then it might work because he's a goddamn moron who lets people walk all over him,but to be honest i cant see how anyone bar Kishimoto can possibly think that cannon Naruto is a bearable character,i mean he has so much potential as a character but Kishimoto just flush's it down the drain just because he doesn't like "smart" character's...

But i digress for the moment i'm on the fence in regards to this story as it can go either way so ill wait and see how it develops and form a more concrete review,but you have asked for idea's so ill contribute...

You can go two way's about this you can do what Matt did and go for the instant cheating or as the first reviewer said just take your time and give it more depth Hinata can feel neglected because Naruto has to focus on his hokage training (a selfish immature reason but it happens in real life), and as for Sasuke he can feel frustrated by Sakura's inability to conceive (he is quite obsessed with rebuilding his clan) mix those reason's and let them fester and go from there.

P.S one more thing, i read Matt's comic and i am begging you for the love of god please don't let Sasuke get away with being a fucking asshole,at the very lest have Naruto beat the shit out of him it would also be improvement if Sakura found out about Hinata and Sasuke little affair.

Anyway my apologies for the rant and good luck with your story

Love were this is going also read the Matt Wilson story you are basing this off of. My suggestion is have a slow build up to the main cheating. You have established the problem that will happen with Naruto and Hinata, but what about Saskue and Sakura what is there problem. It could be no communication, still so slight fangirlism, or just not them having what they want yet. Other than that this story has a lot of potential can't wait to see were it goes. Also " " quotation marks will help with the talking and understanding who is talking. I didn't have a problem but it could get confusing with longer talks.