I don't even have words to describe this. Beautiful and terrible and you had so much emotion packed into this-I don't even...
You made me cry. Just...
damn. Beautiful.

Ow. That was - so acutely painful, and sad, and I really can't describe how wonderful and utterly terrible it was.

Now, like I said, I really enjoyed this story and its great characterisation, wonderful prose, very successfull 2nd person narrator, amazing Doctor voice, believably irredeemably evil Timelords -it's an alternate universe after all, that gorgeous scene with his dead wife, the spectacular fuck-you-to-the-court speech, (so Bringer of Darkness!11, he does have a habit of going up to insanely powerful aliens and screaming awesome defiance in their faces, anyway), heartbreaking emotion and general deliciously glorious darkness.

However: I was a bit confused about character motives and the rules of this alternate universe, concerning various powers annd abilities and what could and couldn't happen. So I wrote an analysis, because, once I explain to myself EVERY SINGLE QUESTION that I might possibly have about something, no matter how small it is, I can go and properly and completely enjoy the story.

How I think things went down, please correct me if you think I'm wrong, I'd love to hear the author's thoughts or another opinion:

They want the name to destroy reality. Torture, etc, p.e write it down, bitch, or say it, it will destroy reality. (Presumably they can control the destruction and ascend first, if he just *gives* it). He wants to not give it to them, protect his family, die. They find them, so now it’s just: not say it, hope they are safe, die. (And pretty please, hope to all the gods they don’t cause him any more pain because he might give in and give it to them).
He finds out the baby is dead, now it’s: “I will say, *use* the name to destroy reality, but especially the Timelords, oh I will fucking say it and mean it, they won’t have time to ascend, you will all die screaming”. (He hadn’t even considered that possibility before, to get in control, because he knows that nobody should have so much power under any circumstances, [but especially him, who has so much hate, because he would likely destroy the universe], it is something he would rather die than do, it’s wrong. It wasn’t even an option, it was either die silent or hand it over and let them destroy reality).
The Timelords are like…”naah, we’ll still be able to ascend, he is just one Timelord, very powerful name, yes, but we are a bajillion Timelords, we’ll prevail. And he won’t be able/willing to use it like that anyway, he is good, he is weak (he is a renegade, he likes humans for God’s sake -and they don’t yet know he has destroyed Gallifrey), let’s go”. Then he’s like: “what am I doing, nope, I will just die with the humans, it’s not worth it, not saying it for you, not using it either”.
Then they kill the baby in front of him. And he snaps, explodes with rage, uses it, gets in control of Time, because it’s that powerful now, and the Timelords can do nothing. But he restrains himself and doesn’t use it for destruction, his compassion and his sense of right and wrong win over, he just saves the Ponds and they escape.

Cool? Now I understand everything and I can go back to squeeing over the amazing atmosphericness of Chapter 7 and the Ballad of Reading Gaol reference, seriously, please marry me.

(I do Doctor Who collages with quotes from it, I adore it that much, we are fucking soulmates. )

Well, that was fucking dark. And confusing. And glorious. DAUM.

On the other hand...

BALLAD OF READING GAOL! I LOVE YOU, MARRY ME, YOU AWESOME PERSON!

My parents are giving me funny looks because I'm sitting here on the couch crying REALLY REALLY hard -.-

Read fanfiction they said it will be fun they said you wont cry they said your heart won't ripped out before your very eyes they said

This was brutal. And Amazing. And just thank you for the experience. And I really like our name explanation - it's one of the few that makes sense, that every Gallifreyan name is dangerous but he's the only one who kept it.
-Wings

I think this story sent me into a state of shock.
Chapters 11 and thereabouts were truly painful to read, but beautiful in a really strange way that doesn't seem twisted.
And this... that Theta died was really tragic, but I guess it was necessary. We learned to accept it, like the Doctor did, at the end of the story, even though before that it seemed impossible.
May I just have an orange blanket?

why was the fix-it sadder than the original. whyyyyy.
Okay, but in the interest of I-Won't-Be-Able-To-Leave-Another-Review-On-This-Chapter, I'll try to say a little bit more.
Thank you for that last conversation between Amy and the Doctor and the way the story ended. That redeemed everything else for me. I mean, I loved your writing all the way through, but if it had ended dark and hopeless, I couldn't have loved it at the end. Oh, gosh. I don't actually have words for this. Never mind, 500% done.

so i wish i could say nice things like your prose is brilliant and you make gallifrey seem so horribly real and you know my reaction to the torture scenes but then what you did the ponds and i have no idea if changing time will bring them back and partway through i just think, this is senseless, all this violence is senseless and what are the time lord really after anyway? why isn't the doctor giving it when it's bleeding out so much life? and then i realize that on the big scale to them and even to him with all his glorification of the lives in the universe, just a little torture and death is, well, just a little but then theta lived and I DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED I WANT TO READ MOMMYYYYYY (mommy hold me oh gosh what have you DONE to my ability to sentences construct)

OH GOSH. HI DOCTOR'S MUM MA'AM.

*crying* Not even exaggerating here. This fic pulled at both my hearts. (Silly writer, of course I'm a Time Lord. I'm one of the good ones, though, don't you worry.) More seriously: Wow. This is one of the best examples of second person I've ever seen. You show what he's going through beautifully, and the plot is heartbreaking, but very well conceived. The resolution is in keeping with the rest of the piece, there's no deus ex machina, and we get to see new fun sides of the Doctor. I also may be stealing your headcanon for Trenzalore. :) But I want Theta back! Eleven plus baby... anyway. Very, very good fic. I meant to review every chapter but got so caught up that I couldn't - and any review I leave now for chapter 1 will have spoilers all over the place.

I'm still not over this ending. You killed my Phoenix. Killed me.

My heart has quite literally been pulled out if my chest. *Sobs*

Thanks for this journey ... even if it was a heartbreaking one

Amazing, Phoenix. Just amazing. I love madis and now I love you.
DFTBA