I think you need to check the human anatomy...

For a first fanfic its really good but next time dont rush the story as much. Hope this helped!

Lmao wow this was really good it had sex and was funny your a great writer I don't have an account so I can't follow you ...anyway keep it up_ from Mackenzie

good start

This fanfic making me hot owwsommmee!

Freed...You know you can re-write the rules as you see fit right. And just go fuck Mira im sure she'd be down

good stuff! keep up the great work!

O.O woah

10/10 Gr8 matrial m8 loved evry minute of it

lol just the whole thing made me giggle nice story.

for a first time lemon it's very good however i would recommend you don't rush as fast and to focus on the details. Also you kept using the same words over and over so a little variety.

Best lemon I've ever read, keep up the good work,

Can you give me the link to the artwork
I can't seem to find it

this wouldnt be too bad if it wasn't so repetitive, it isn't really necessary to right their names so many time, and you dont need to keep using the same words over and over and over again like saying "Clit" 15 times in two or three lines. Other than the repetitiveness of it it was rather good

Niiiiiccce...;D sexy throughout though the plot was a biiitt was seriously cares? Sexiest yuri ever! How can you guys write so well?! I'm on , wid a diff name though,and i tried and failed miserably to write nalu lemon...sucky moi XD