I like the way you described Al!

So, where to start? I never really explored the next generation of Harry Potter, but you've got me thinking a little more, which is awesome. I don't know, it just seems like a lot of headcanon to me, which isn't necessarily bad, but harder to deal with.

I like your smooth blending of past and present generations, especially with Albus looking through the old pictures of Severus and Lily. Actually, all of this one shot was very smooth and well done. I like, very much.

[On his robe, his prefect's badge was gleaming.] Okay. This was an amazing ending line. I really liked this! It summed everything up that Albus went through the previous night, and probably all his decisions.

Overall, great job. I think that this really portrayed Albus well, based off what we saw of him in the epilogue.

I must say, I was really surprised by how much I liked this story. It is not that I thought it would be bad, but more that I wasn't sure that I could relate to a story set so far ahead in the HP timeline. I freely admit I was wrong. I was actually sad when the story ended because I thought you could have really developed something special between Severus and Albus (in the depictions of actions and choices, journals and photographs and memories). Some things I really thought that worked include:

((The next morning, Albus Severus Potter ate his poached eggs and grilled tomatoes with gusto. Across the table, James glowered. Albus smiled. He didn't even mind when his mum refused to give him a cup of coffee.

On his robe, his prefect's badge was gleaming.))-Just... absolutely brilliant. This ending could not have been more perfect. It ties the story together perfectly. I feel completely satisfied (if not a little sad still!) with this ending and found myself relieved that Harry was able to turn his son's depression and angst around by revealing to his son who his namesake was.

((Worse, it hadn't even occurred to him that not even Harry Potter's son would be immune))-powerful as hell line. I think this is the line that hits hardest to me because it sums the story up perfectly-that just being the son of someone like Harry Potter does not prevent you from being bullied or looked down upon.

((She'd kept repeating that the old prejudices would continue unless they were rooted out at their sources: at Hogwarts, and in the hearts of "supposedly grown-up wizards."))-This just brilliantly sums up the muggle-pure blood argument that was prevalent in the HP verse. I also think it sums up how the problem of discrimination and magical racial issues need to be resolved-at Hogwarts itself.

A few criticisms (which are not many):

((Harry anticipated a smart-aleck response-for instance, the standard; "As if you ever are!"))- ditch the parenthesis, see reason below :)

((Albus, who had scrubbed the tears off his now-red face with a napkin,))- the parenthesis really are distracting and unnecessary. The flow is the same if you use a comma really and it just looks sharper really.

Other than those minor little issues (pet peeves more than anything), this was a simple and wonderful little story that I greatly enjoyed. You kept the known characters true, I did not feel Harry or Ginny were OOC in any way whatsoever, and I loved the bonding sequences between father-son. Awesome job for sure!

Disclaimer: I am woefully ignorant about Harry Potter. *Cringes*.

That said, this was a really enjoyable one-shot. I can't really speak for characterisations or canon, but the writing is smooth and easy to read. The dialogue, at the beginning, about "ambitious by half" etc, sounded a little unnatural to me- as most overheard-saying-exactly-the-worst-thing scenes usually do with me- but I'm of the understand that it may well be canon-compliant.

Interesting that his parents overcompensated for growing up poor. While I know the Weasleys were poor, I imagined that Harry was more deprived than poor- Dudley got everything he needed. That said, that overcompensation is the same sort of idea, really. And it makes perfect sense.

I liked the line about vacuuming, and the reminder that these are not ordinary people. It's also interesting that Harry is so keen to talk about the Dursleys even though it was such a difficult time of life for him.

"Long gulp" seemed a bit odd for me- I can't really picture it.

Poignant about the photographs, and Harry's speech, though I'm probably too dense to understand the full significance of why "Grandpa Potter" was cut out.

I smiled about the no-coffee thing. Ha :) Lovely work x

First of all, the characterization of this story was perfect. You worked with canon excellently to provide a believable outcome and turned it into an enjoyable read.
A small part of me always -worried (As much as one can about a fictional character. However, when a writer is good enough, they make you care about the characters. But I digress) about the pressure on Harry's Children. After all, children of Gryffindors, slayer of the heir of slytherin. How could they NOT worry?
You showed a truly mature Harry and the kind of father he would grow into.
I love happy endings
Great fic :)

That was a wonderful family fic. The characterization, the feelings, it all just leaps off the page! Albus being a Slytherin makes so much sense.
Hermione is completely right. Those prejudices need to end. Thanks for taking a stand against the stereotype!
Anyway, not only did I love the father-son relationship between Albus and Harry, I thought this was a lovely homage to Severus Snape himself. Rest in peace, Severus Snape.
Also, the Snape/Lily mentions. ;_;

This story was amazing. I loved the depth to Albus's character and all the attention to little details.
(However the end section with Snape's things seemed rushed. For me, it didn't really wrap up the story/ solve Albus's issues.)
Thoroughly enjoyed reading this. :D

Not really a fan of nextgen, but this was really well done.

Now I'm reviewing the right story. This was an awesome story. Albus is my favorite next gen character, if simply because there is so much potential with him. He was named after two characters that people either love or hate. In that world, I agree that his middle name would have haunted him. You created a storyline where there was so much detail in the world- in between the way that others perceived Albus and Hermione's views on the future of old prejudices, that the whole story was believable, smooth, and intriguing. The aspect with money reminded me a bit of Token from South Park. It was just the little details that mattered- the photos of Lily with James cut out, the way Albus hadn't eaten his grilled tomatoes, the way the pensive memories might have been too personal. Great job!

I like how you developed Albus' character and showed everything that built up to his breakdown. You showed how his thoughts and insecurities well. Personally, I liked the quotes you put in where you listed examples of people talking bad about him. It showed that there was an actual problem, and that it wasn't Albus' own insecurities heightening the sittuation unnecessarily. I liked how you showed Ginny's and Harrys relationship. For me, who doesn't rly ship them together, you portrayed them realistically. I loved how you showed Harry interacting with his son, the bit about the tomatoes, and how Ginny and Harry showered their children with rich robes because of their poor childhood. I didn't really like the box of Snapes stuff, it didn't seem necessary and I feel the story could have been deaper if Harry himself explained to Albus why he shouldnt worry. But it was still a good fic. I didn't see any SpaG mistakes, good job overall with this, especially character development. (I'm super tired so sorry if something don't make much sense).

I think this was a really great addition to the epilogue. It would make sense that Albus Severus would have some worry about his namesake. I love how Harry gives him all of the items-photos, pensieve memory, letters-to show who Severus Snape really was. I also loved how Harry doesn't go to one big spiel on his son's problems-he lets his son see it with his own eyes. Simple, yet effective.

I also love the funny bits with the not eating breakfast and the bitter coffee. Now that I think about it, I might wanna have some grilled tomatoes one day.

I always wondered how Harry would truly act if Albus got into Slytherin.

Very well written, and excellent vocabulary. I felt a subtlety to the story that suggested how time can ebb away at the certain relationship dynamics between Harry/Ron and Harry/Ginny. Keep up the great work.

I love the way in which you describe Albus's excitement, the way he just completely forgets about everything around him because he's too excited about becoming a prefect. :) It's really nice how it was his family who influenced him to want to become one, too. :)

Oh, dear...I guess being a prefect was probably enough, but for Slytherin? That's gotta be pretty bad for Albus. I really loved how all of the dialogue saying bad stuff about him has no dialogue tags- it's like, as he walks through crowds of Slytherin each day, it's all he ever hears from them, and he starts to forget who's saying what because he hears it so much. It's like he's learnt to let it just slip through his mind. :)

It seems Albus wants to good with his power, but he's worried that he'll just get a load of stick for it. :(

It's great how you've reflected on Harry's time at the Dursleys and how some of the stories were funny, but you've subtly shown just how much he hated it by commenting on the sadness in his eyes. I like that. :)

I also like how you've done well to give it that warm, family feel, the way that Albus won't eat his tea and the way that Harry's being a good dad, trying to make him feel better. I also love that little spark of determination at the end! :D

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Here's the parts I found espcecially effective. :)

. (Yes, he was a prefect—but for Slytherin.) That was a massive shock! I loved this part; it made me think 'What? Oh, God, how's he gonna respond to that?!

. (He burst into tears.) It's short and sudden, and that makes it seem really sad. :(

. (Albus nodded.) It's like he's too sad to talk here. :(

. (The taunts. The overheard comments. The sickness in the pit of his stomach that he woke up to every single day.) It seems that there's just too much for Albus to have to deal with sometimes. No wonder he burst into tears. :(

. (his prefect's badge was gleaming.) It's like the gleaming reflects Albus's determination and bright prefect-ing spirit. I like it! :D
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Here is my critique and some suggestions to give you a helping hand. :)

. (wantedhis James ) There's a space missing between 'wanted' and 'his' here. :)

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This was a sweet, feel- good story that made me all fuzzy inside. I loved it! Keep up the good work! :D :D

"Albus knew he should be happy." I love the way that this sets the mood for the entire piece. It contradicts what we read in the previous lines because he'd seemed merely upset. But now we know that he's not only upset, but he feels a bit guilty that he doesn't feel happy about the news.

"After all these years, his aunt still had her badge, framed on the mantlepiece." LOL! That is so like her, and a lovely detail to add in. It helps Albus to realize just how important the position was to his aunt.

"Albus had a sinking feeling that now that he had power, his life would be infinitely worse." I had a little bit of trouble following this sentence at first. If it were mine, I'd change it to something along the lines of "Albus had a sinking feeling that his new power would make his life infinitel worse."

"Harry felt bad for the tree." LOL!

"He hadn't considered that the same forces that had made Draco Malfoy what he was might still be at work." I like this way of looking at it. The fact that Harry is so caught up in his work that he can't see what's going on with his kids in this important way. And I like the slight undertone of guilt that we get there so that it's not overwhelming.

I really liked the fact that Harry chose to share the memories and manuscript with his son in order to help him feel better about the entire situation. And the ending was absolutely adorable! I really enjoyed this one! Well done!

Cheers!

This was really well done. I think you made a lot of good points as to how Albus could have been treated, and how he would feel, and I felt like I was able to understand his thoughts. Really good job.