While the writing quality of your story is good in terms of spelling and grammar, please note this part of the Content Guidelines:

"Please note FanFiction does not accept explicit content, Fiction Rating: MA, and the rating is only presented for reference."

You have to remove all of the detailed descriptions of physical interaction of sexual or violent nature in this story if you want it to remain at this site, or upload it to a site where "Fiction MA" content is allowed such as WattPad.

LOL, clean your keyboards! That actually made me laugh!

That's fantastic! I think you should write more.

This was hot, but it could just be a little bit longer.

damn that was hot. can't remember the last time i read a very good short story like that:)