I had the most random and sudden bought of nostalgia, and decided that I wanted to read some Cowboy Bebop (which I haven’t done in over a decade). Naturally I burned through all the ones on AO3, a select few here, and my last stop was your brilliant masterpiece of fan literature.

On top of that I was actually pleasantly surprised to see that the story had a few more chapters to it from where I left off with it back in 2008. Long story short, I read this and She Wanted to Die twice over the last few weeks (I'm a slow reader)

Where do I even begin? I have so many questions and theories and emotions about this story and it predecessor, it’s a lot to process and express. It’s more than I can ever hope to convey in a single review, but here I go:

Simply put, and to the easiest to point to make, I adore how you’ve developed the plot. Nothing ever feels irreverent. No matter how minor it seems it all serves a purpose in the gran scheme of things be it moving the plot forward or adding to your character's growth.

One of my absolutely favorite examples of this is when Spike tells Faye about their first date. How you took something mentioned in the very first chapter of the first story in this series and made it into this really beautiful moment between them basically 100 chapters later. Like holy shit! And how it plays into the fact that something was always building between them, right under the surface. Unacknowledged but there. From the very beginning. I love it.

Having the movie plot at the forefront of the action until it needs to fade into the background as the personal and emotional side of the story emerged and took center stage has been brilliant. It played its part as the catalyst and now lingers in the background like a ticking time bomb ready to go off. I am excited for when it finally does.

During my second read through, I think I was better at picking up the hints you’ve been dropping. I suspect that the threat Faye and her family have been dealing with throughout the story has a lot more to do with Faye’s father than a kid getting his head smashed in by Ezekiel’s guitar. No matter how powerful a grudge that is I can’t imagine it escalating to the point that it has in the present. Why would the Gate Corporation finance any of this? It’s too big to be that clean cut. I think Faye’s father was involved with something bigger and worse than we know in the past. And whatever it is the key to it is likely hidden in one of Faye’s dolls (possibly Lily). The guitar incident has to be red herring to a much bigger scheme.

I also found it interesting that when Ana first talked about the Spector family she mentioned them having mafia ties. And I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it but something about the way she explained it to Jet came off as being more recent in the family’s history than ties that existed 50 years ago. Which brings me to the biggest question mark of all I have with Faye’s family; her brother William. You’ve kept details about him to a bare minimum and so vague that when he does come up I’m always like "oh right, she had a brother". I just have a sense that this is intentional. All we’ve gotten is few mentions of him in the past but it’s never directly him, just a reference to him. And then in the present we’ve really only been told that he’s already dead ( his wife too, while his son is MIA). And I can’t help but think: does William have a bigger role to play in this story…? I don’t know, but I’m curious as to why you’d bother including a brother unless there was a reason for it. William being the one to find their father's body after his alleged suicide also stands out as being more relevant than it initially seems.

But this could honestly be me over thinking every little thing. This story has taken over my life for the last few days so it’s likely I’ve gone full conspiracy theorist here. Lol.

The multiple readings have also really messed up my perception on the relationships in play, especially with the love triangle. I’m obviously biased in my shipping of Spike and Faye. So you know I want to believe that they’ll make it out of this story intact and together. But I can honestly say that you’ve balanced the scales to such an extent that I really can’t tell who Faye will end up with in the end.

I think the biggest thing I’ve come to see is how destructive both couples are, neither relationship is a healthy one. The only difference, to me at least, is that with Faye and Spike the worst of the damage dealt, all that love and hate they feel, is always ever directed at each other. While Ezekiel and Faye it’s like everyone else has to suffer the consequences of their obsession with each other.

If I'm actually wrong about the guitar incident being a red herring than, essentially, it was Faye and Ezekiel's actions that night the led her family's tragic downfall. Hell, Bea died because they had over exerted her by being pigheaded and terrible to each other. And I can't help but feel, if they can't stay away from one another then someone from our beloved Bebop crew will pay the price. Because that seems to be the pattern with them.

Spike and Faye's mother might be right: fate is working against them.

It’s easier to see Ezekiel as the more romantic and tragic figure. But it's like his love is too perfect, too profound, rendering it faulty and a convenient justification for a lot of his really shitty behavior. He’s as selfish as Spike and Faye are. And his exhausting belief that he needs to essentially ‘give Faye up’ to Spike at this point in the story is more frustrating than anything else. It’s not fair that he thinks he can make that call. (I actually find it impressive that you managed to make the love story between Julia and Spike the least complicated one.) So I’m looking forward to Faye finally making the decision for herself of who she wants to be with.

Like another reviewer said (because I read those too like a total weird-o) it’s time for Faye to become more proactive as oppose to reactive. Especially with Ezekiel. She's letting his conflict blindside her and it’s only going to bite her in the ass if she continues to allow it to.

I’m also so ready to see Spike become the force of nature that he truly is once again. He’s no second fiddle. And he’s certainly not the understudy to an epic love story. As much as Faye needs to make a decision on what she wants, Spike’s got to step up in his game and help get her to it. If not for her sanity, then for his own.

Back during my first read through of the story I empathized with Faye so damn much. And I still do. Despite the length of the story itself I knew to remind myself that the timeline of events is short. So the trauma and responses to everything happening to and around her are all valid and honest. I can’t fault Faye for making some terrible decisions over and over again. I adore her, and I just want her to find peace of mind.

My second go through though has ended with me feeling just really sad for Spike: at the true extent of his unraveling. Like, yes, he was beyond terrible to Faye once he realized he was in love with her and by completely lacking the mental or emotional capacity to handle the reality of that. And she was right to get away. And she was right again to push Spike away after the incident at Roscoe’s when she finally remembered Ezekiel.

But then she stopped making the right calls. I would say it happened once the Faye Spector in her took over.

Your Faye, past and present, can’t seem to see beyond her own misery. It’s the root of her selfish nature. It’s how she causes the most damage. For me, once she comes back to the Bebop to confront Spike about his handling of her rejection it’s like everything after is Faye adding gas to an open flame in his heart and watching it burn. And it hurts, because like Spike, I want to believe that it’s coming from a place of love. That this version Faye loves him as much as Faye Valentine did. And he does because he is so love with her now that he can’t help believing it. And I blindly believed it too.

And yet I can’t help feeling this unease reading it all again at the declarations of love Faye makes after this point, like she’s trying to convince herself of it. As if going through the motions of being in love might solve the problem for her instead of stepping back and dealing with her confused feelings for the two men she loves. (But this perception could also be skewed by the knowledge of what’s going to happen and seeing earlier actions through the lens of later ones.)

Still, there’s just something inherently cruel about Faye lying to Spike in the most recent chapters about seeing Ezekiel again, kissing him again, and then quietly telling Spike ‘I love you’ all while hiding the fact that she’s literally wearing the engagement ring Ezekiel gave to her while Ed paints her nails. It’s genuinely so hard not to be frustrated with her here. Like Jet, I just want to understand what the hell she thinks she's doing.

Call Spike an asshole all we want but he still stay true to his commitment to being with Julia, any feelings for Faye be damned. He didn't cross that line. And even though it took him a long time to admit to it but part of the reasoning was he didn't want to hurt Faye or give her false hope. So it's difficult to watch Faye not play the same hand when the cards are being dealt to her this time.

Not to say I don’t also live for any and all Spike and Faye moments in the story. You write them like no one else and absolutely nail their dynamic and banter. They’ll never be a couple who won’t bicker and piss each other off all the time and I truly, truly love that about them. My favorite moments are when the love Faye and Spike have for one another manages to bleed through; when she sleeps sitting upright after he’s drifted off with his head on her lap, or the sandwich and root beer scene, the clothes and compromise Spike gives. The weight of this story is so heavy at times that there is such a sense of beauty and comfort that comes when things are simple and normal and maybe even happy.

You characterization of Jet and Ed is also amazing. I truly do want to throttle Spike for opting to bail again when the Bebop in clearly home and these people (and dog) all mean something to him as resistant as he will always be to the fact. That Faye and him disappearing won't solve anything and will only succeed at hurting Jet. Fingers crossed that plot intervention shoots this plan in the butt once and for all.

I do love Ana, by the way. I hope she doesn’t break Jet’s already bruised heart (and I think that Ed and Ein might have sniffed out something shady about her by now if she really was up to no good so I stand by my belief that she's a safe bet for Jet to fall for).

Also, I am endlessly tickled by the fact that Ed is clearly and beyond any logical logic the most emotional mature one out of the lot of them.

Spike and Ed's dynamic in this story has been such a bright point in an otherwise downpour of hardship in the lives of these characters that I can’t express enough how much I love their scenes together.

Okay. I’m done. I spent an entire day writing this review and I need to stop now. Lol.
Please know that I truly love this story! And I just want all these idiots to find their happy ending, whatever it may be.

I’ll finally end it with this: I’m ever hopeful you’ll find your way back to this story one day. I’ve had two authors come back to their multi chapter epics after long hiatuses (one 8 years, the other 18!) so this in nothing new for me. I am nothing if not patient :)

Plus I'll never not cherish having the 200,000 words you've already given even if you don't ever write another word for this story again. So forever thank you for that!

I love this story with all my heart and hope that you might return to it someday. My only gripe is that the story moves at snail pace. Sometimes, reading this story feels like a chore just because of how wordy it is but still goes nowhere.

Damnnn yes Faye!

I read this story about 4 years ago and now I'm reading it again. Please continue

Alllright fuck this story. Worlds slowest plot. Moving on now

It really bothers me that whole chapters could be deleted from this and it wouldnt change your plot.

Four chapters before the plot moves a slow plodden inch forward. Gee. Thanks.

Kudos for the Venus reference!

I am begging you. Continue this. I am completely and utterly in love with this fic.

what to say...

when I first came across your profile as I scrolled along the site trying to find a decent story to read I thought, 'oh great, another terrible story that may drive me back to wishfully thinking that they'll make more bebop so others will stop massacring such an amazing series,well fuck it, I might as well give it a read'

and thank god I did.

its amazing, I wouldn't say perfect, but you've managed to keep me glued to some sort of screen for the last 36 hours as I power through all 107 chapters here, and the 50 something chapters in the story before this one. if it wasn't on the screen in my room it was on my phone, in the car, at the gym, anywhere really. absolutely glued to it.

I love the detail that you put into your work, it makes painting the image of the scene presented by your writing appear very easily into the imagination.
at times however I feel like you may get a little too stuck on certain moments. focused for oh so long on all the little arguments and encounters between Spike and Faye, not to say that they don't belong or are disliked, but I feel that without the balance of a bit more of the back story in there too it gets a little slow at times, I did notice this does get a bit better towards the later chapters.
I know the focus in this story is on the emotion between Spike and Faye but it seems to have an un-bebop like lack of action, it may just be me though, someone ought to put the hurt (physically) on someone every once in a while.
I do love the way that you capture the emotion between characters. its had me on a roller coaster ride for the past day and a half, right in the feels? (probably didn't use that right)

all in all, your work so far is amazing.

now, the big question is, where is the rest?
I've noticed through the story the little bar at the top glaring at me with an update date of over two years ago, and it's lack of accompaniment by a 'complete' tag.
I am hoping that i overlooked a link somewhere to another page that holds the rest of this story, and will search again here once this is sent off, but if by some chance you lost your interest, i pray this sorry little note that i am writing will ignite a spark to finish it.

ssg its been too long, we all miss you and love you too.

a devoted fan of your works,
-AgentSteve11

Please, please, please continue this wonderful piece!

I've been a fan of this fic since the winter of '07, back when I was a lonely college kid looking for a distraction. There's something so special and unique about your writing. You have a gift. Don't abandon this story.

Please Please Update the story! I fell in love with it in a minute!

It has been a year and going on two! Why in the world are you leaving this awesome story, you obviously put so much work into, flail in the wind? I hope you surprise the shit out of me and update because this is too good to not be completed!

Kya!

I hope you update this fic soon...
I'm so in a desperate need of a Faye/Spike loving right now...

I want to read more, please...?

So please update soon.

Thank you so much!

Update! Please please please!