Not bad, but don't write, "Lily was like, O.O" It's not professional, and it looks like you don't know words. Lily was shocked, Lily was stunned, Lily was surprised, Lily didn't know what was happening, etcetera, etcetara.

This is so cute oh my god.

"You tasted like chocolate."

Aww, I love it! :) I just love James and Lily fics like these.

This is so good!