Your timeline here was a little off... Siri did not arrive until Anakin was already on the ground per that scene, yet later you state that she saw Obi-Wan catch lightning in his palm.
Even Master Yoda is acting like he saw it, but also did not arrive until later.
For future stories, be careful about keeping consistent.

I like how you twisted the fight against Dooku and sparing Fett's life.
It was cool that Windu was able to tell that Obi-Wan was trying to spare him... a hint of how well the two Jedi Masters will work together in the future I'm sure.

Just a couple things for this chapter because overall... much better!
1. The Minister freaking out over the loss of the Jedi and the fall of the Republic... I cringed here. Kamino is not part of the Republic... it's out beyond the Outer Rim and outside the realm of the Republic, so they won't care either way.
Also, I keep reading that people are saluting Jedi... people bow to Jedi, not salute. Only the Clones will salute to Jedi and not until they become Generals and Commanders of the Republic Army.

Beyond that, I love how you handled Tatooine and Kamino (minus the Minister part obviously).

Anakin is acting a little too maturely considering how little time Obi-Wan has had so far to influence him.

But a much better chapter than the last.

Onward!

That's... a lot of sex innuendo for a bunch of Jedi who scorn attachment and similar... not going to lie, I'm a little worried about the direction you are taking this.

A perfect Jedi named Obi-Wan would not have been so sure about himself when exclaiming his love for Siri... and definitely not a night of passion on his first day returned... it's not very believable.

Nor Ferus, another perfect little Jedi, having fun time with a pretty Twilek.

Or Obi-Wan not rebuking Anakin making a boastful comment about his fans.

I will keep reading, but I have to admit this was not my favorite chapter...

So I will say this this is a great start and I love these Obi-Wan goes back in time stories, so I'm excited.
Plus my favorite Legends pairing was Obi-Siri so that's a plus.

One problem... "now the whole world burn" "to this world"
It's a galaxy, not a single world.

Also, Windu on his knees begging... even though it's the Force, that was very weird... like head shaking weird. Just saying.

Forward!

You are appealing to a young audience in your writing, and although I know that this could have been much more graphic in your portrayal of the almost "rape", I am concerned when my thirteen-year-old is reading it.
I hope you will consider this going forward.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Alysann Collotzi

It's a good read for anyone who is interested. My only gripe is the grammar isn't the best but I'm going to assume the author's primary Language isn't English and as such, I am not going to make a big issue out of it.

Further improvements are required. I understand the vision you have for this story, but I find your execution...lacking. The grammars throughout the story are inconsistent and laughable at times, but that is not all the reason why I am criticizing this review. There, I'm afraid, much more, and most of them have to do with the story itself.

One part of the story that I find lacking is how you portrayed Obi-Wan, for there are many occasion where is seemed that his ideology was conflicting all his action and there times that he just felt out of character. You made him into this untouchable being that makes connecting with him very hard as he got no character development from the start of this fanfiction. He was strong at the start and strong at the end, so what can I learn from that? Nothing.

The way you portrayed the ENTIRE Jedi Order is also questionable, making them look stupid compared to the Knight of The Force himself and making ALL OF THEM horny to the max. I'm sorry, but I certainly don't find that believable. Having free sex without any meaning behind it except to satisfy a person's lust is definitely going to lead him/her to the Dark Side. Attachment rule does not only apply to the physical form but also the spiritual one, so satisfying lust is also a form of attachment to the need of relieving oneself.

There are much more questionable actions as I read more and more, something I simply have no time to discuss, but I will mention the elephant in the room for me. I could not connect with any of the character. Everyone felt bland and robotic, something rather amazing considering how you managed to portrayed them as mentioned above. Not a single character felt special. Hell, I have more pity on Palpatine at the end being confused as hell as he was getting wrecked by Obi-Wan than I have with Obi-Wan or Siri in this story.

In conclusion, you have a solid foundation in the basic story line vision needed to make a rough idea on how the story goes, but that isn't everything about making a good story. If you have a good foundation for your house, you can still muck it up by using horrible design and furniture on your house. Execution is every bit as important as the idea behind it, even then some of your ideas on portraying the characters are unbelievable as The Last Jedi script. I suppose further training in the arts of writing would help you sort out this kinks, but I sincerely hope you will hone it first before making big stories like this.

Haha, je lisais le prologue et je me disais justement: Eh bien, il écrit comme j'aurait écris, avec le même genre de fautes. Après je lis que ta langue maternelle est aussi le français hehe.
Au plaisir de lire ta fanfiction!

Cheers! love it.

Can't get past the poor English..

This was an amazing story. I have just recently been reading all this great fan fiction and this story took my breath away! I was on the edge of my seat every time I read this. You are an outstanding writer and continue with this! I would gladly read more of your fan fiction.
Keep up the great work!

I do Wonder about how you make Ferus Olin so enamored of Twilek girls. As far as I know, Ferus is gay, I believe he married a man named Roan Land. Even so, the story is quite good:)

I know you made this post a couple years back and I'm not sure if you'll see it, but I recently got into Star Wars and was curious to see what would all happen if the events in Star Wars could be altered and you did an outstanding job! I'm not even much of a reading person, but I was addicted to every word you typed. Everything about this story was amazing! Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to read this!