OMG this is SO good! Im so surprised this didn't get over 100 reviews already! Looks like i found a gem inside a mine ;) plz update!

wow

XD AWESOME BETCH! MORE MERITO! (akitoxmercedes)

Hmm Not bad... ot sure what to poit out.. Just keep on going then

Nice Story you are very talented

there is no such thing as pirate hero class there is only Luminous class!

I really couldn't keep it up with your story. Read like 1/3 and then scrolled all the way down to find the review button. I'm going to point out 3 main mistakes you made, and I hope you will improve from them:

First, POV switching. The most common mistakes every writers made at least once. It will confuse the reader and maybe kill their mood and they won't read your story again. If you want to POV switch, do it in one chapter at a time, like chapter 1 will be 3rd POV, chapter 2 will be 1st POV and so on. But keep this in mind that this will most likely backfired you if you switch between every characters in your story. So in this case, choose 1 POV that will work the best for you and stick to it.

Second, too much dialogue. Your story looks like a movie script to me, and that's not good. Cut down the dialogue, add more action scene and character's emotion.

And third, lacks of details. You need to describe your characters. I don't care if they are canon or not, chance that there might be some reader who never play Maple Story before, nor know about certain characters in game, comes and read your story. They will get confuse easily if you suddenly jumped into the story without giving them a chance to get used to characters. The same thing goes to your OCs.

There are a couple more mistakes but I can't really point all of them out. You just need to put some effort in your story.