Great chapter I loved it so much

Great chapter I loved it so much omfg lol

Great chapter

Great chapter I loved it so much omfg

Great chapter I loved it so much

good chap

... Ahhhh... How... Lovely. Darn I hope she massacres everyone standing in her way towards freedom. Damn I hope this get a freaking continuación. Fuck this is so motherfucking entertainingly amusing. Fuck! Please update soon.

I FUCKING LOVE IT WHEN QUEERish or like) MEN HIT OM LAW! BAHAHAHAHAHHAHSIWBSKWBSE

... *GASPS in awe*... Holy fuck I am... I am obsessed! This is fucking great!

Please please please update! I want more!

I luv it. Plz continue!

Haha, wow is this review late! However, I remembered reading Chapter 15 before, but then stuff happened…you know. I’ll wrap all the chapters I missed into one nice long review so I won’t be repeating myself on anything. I hope this will be helpful. :)

Chapter 15:

This was still a refreshing read, even after a year. It was a nice “wrap-up” chapter to the King Pirate Arc, but also introduced new elements to the story, namely Arthur’s presence. The moments were lighthearted and humorous, which goes back to it being the “wrap-up” chapter. It was a nice breather, so to speak.

I liked how you gave hints through the narration that there is more than meets the eye for why Author wants to joint. Therefore, I wonder if and/or what the reason is beyond “sailing the sea” and “seeing the world” (as he told Mina) or “lending a helping hand” (as he told Law).

Also, I liked how you added in a place for Mina to work on the submarine so she isn’t “seemingly dead weight.” She is a fighter, no doubt, but it’s nice to see her out of the warrior element and just being a helpful cook’s assistant to the crew.

Chapter 16:

I found this chapter to be very interesting. I feel like there was a lack in physical description sometimes, but overall I enjoyed it. I liked the insight on why Sarge doesn’t trust Mina. I don’t believe it was brought up before (or I might not remember), but it’s nice to have a solid reason why and not just because “she’s the new girl,” if that makes sense.

I also like two mysteries that you presented in this chapter. One: the mysterious man that kidnapped Mina. Two: the two marines that called her “sister.”

I don’t believe that the marines are related to the kidnapper (as in one of them is the kidnapper), because it seemed like she DID know who he was that kidnapped her and she DIDN’T know who the two marines were until she looked at their faces. Therefore, I’m curious about there that will lead.

Also, ahem, LOKI.

Chapter 17:

So, this answered the two mysteries from Chapter 16. So the two marines ARE really Mina’s brothers, and we also got some nice background information on her, which was nice.

Also, we learned more about the mysterious man: Ion. I like his character, but I think you should have gone even further than what you have presented already. I believe he could have been even more twisted if you brought up “sexual innuendos” that he really wanted to do her, but he still really wanted to kill her (which I believe is something you brought up about his character going back and forth between wanting to kill her and fuck her). So, maybe a bit more…spice is needed.

Overall, the three chapters were good.

There were a few errors in there, just a missing word or oddly phrased sentence that struck me weird, other than that I think they were nicely written.

However, this might just be my personal basis, but I think you could refine your sentences a bit more and maybe draw away from narrative and use more dialogue or description to express certain aspects of plot and story-line. As in, limit the amount of “personal thoughts” the character has; I think your writing would be much stronger that way. Also, when I write, I try going by a “rule of thumb” of not repeating the same word in a paragraph, especially a sentence, such as the word “dressing room.” I’d make it so the sentence was refined to the point where only that specific word was used once unless it was impossible to do it any other way, you know?

Lastly, your sentences don’t flow as well as they could because sometimes you use too many transitional words and phrases.

“Sure, Mina felt this way, but it was okay.”
“Law was a dick, nevertheless.”
“Although, Sarge was pitiful at sneaking.”
“At least Arthur was looking fabulous that day!”

These are crude examples, but when you have transition atop of transition, it gets blocky in my opinion. Try using more dialogue maybe to break up that transitional tension, but using them every now and then it’s a bad thing either. That aside, I do like your diction; you use words I would never think of using!

Can’t wait for Chapter 18,
Elielelphant

nice start

Nice fanfic, I enjoy it very much. I like your OC, she's neither submissive or so arrogant that she's annoying, like in many fics.
I'll write a longer review next time, sadly I cannot afford it right now.

I'm going to take it that when they find her all they're going to find is destruction and a very pissed off woman. Especially when given the reason why...

I can't help but wonder on the why Ion wants her dead so much...

Update soon!