Shame that it's been abandoned

I know you've basically abandoned this story (and probably all of them here on FF as well), but I had to give you feedback on this chapter. To be honest, it's all kinds of messed up. The contract not having anything illegal? Are you kidding? To not report what he takes in undercover is a violation of city, state, and federal statutes, not to mention tax evasion. Using drugs on the job? Sorry, this isn't the days of Serpico. There are VERY strict regs about that. That NCIS is just now looking into Stephan, 8 months after they heard the phone call of him blackmailing Deeks? Seriously? What have they been doing in the meantime? They would have gone over his life with a microscope the very first day Deeks left, and not stopped until they uncovered everything about him. How did Stephan get Deeks' badge and gun? Those were picked up by Kensi, and there's no reason she would have given them to Stephan. That they never contacted Bates in the 8 months is also ridiculous. I thought you were doing something AU where Bates wasn't in the picture, but clearly he is, and yet he's not only clueless about this, but NOBODY from NCIS got in touch with him?

I could go on, but it's really not worth it. The frustrating thing is that you have a good story here, but the messed up details just detract from it so much that it's on the border of being ruined. It's a shame, because it had promise, but it looks like you've let it go. Maybe you'll come back to FF and read comments on your stories, and if so I hope you take this as constructive criticism.

First the good: the story is still very engaging, and the recovery time for Deeks should give plenty of room for development of the story. It will also be interesting to see where you go with their investigation of the lieutenant, and any local connections to the cartel.

Now the less good: First, there is an office of NCIS in San Diego, so they would have had the resources of that field office available to them from the get-go, including the raid on the house. Second, the naval base in San Diego is huge - it has over 20,000 military personnel in it, including quite a few in force protection, not to mention there are spec ops units based in the San Diego area. They would have used the locals instead of just going in alone. Third, the tactical squad is not the same as CSI - they are the equivalent of SWAT, and for the team of 3 agents not to wait for them (again, the local personnel would have been used as well) before breaching a home with heavily armed men inside is just stupid. Fourth, they had a 100 mile drive to the house - why would they not have known before they got there who it belonged to? The Wonder Twins get that stuff done in minutes all the time on the show. Fifth, Sam would not have moved Deeks that way, especially with broken ribs. Sam has first aid training from his time as a SEAL, and knows that he could kill Deeks if he punctures a lung or other organ with a broken rib. They called an ambulance, and would have waited for it to arrive. Last, where did they go? Back to LA? No way if that's the case. They never would have taken the chance of driving him that far; they would have gone to a local hospital. If they wanted him in LA, they would have used an air ambulance. If they stayed local, how did Hetty get there so quickly? I know she's known to drive quickly, but when was the last time she was shown heading to a crime scene?

I'm sorry to be that person, but there are too many things that just don't work in this chapter, at least to me, and I want to give honest feedback.

Just finding this. The first chapter was very intense. I really didn't like the Lieutenant (not because of your writing, but because of what a slimy maggot he is), and like others wish that Deeks had just told him to stick it, counting on Hetty to help him out, but I get why he didn't. I don't think the number of undercover officers dying is at all believable, though. The Lieutenant would have been investigated over and over for poor planning and support, would certainly have lost his job, and the union would also have ripped him apart.
Also, as others have pointed out, the sheer frequency would mean that the cartel knows who is undercover even without a mole in the LAPD - whoever is new much be a cop. Nobody in LAPD would work that way.

You also have some other relatively minor issues here - Sam drives a Challenger, not a Charger; there's no way Deeks covers the 100 miles from LA to San Diego in an hour (we don't have an Autobans-type system here, and such speeding would get him pulled over for sure); the recording of the cell phone call is iffy, etc.

It's an intriguing start, and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter.

I like all of your deeks stories just wished you would finish them

Scary...

French fan

I do not think that the team can do not understand that deeks has taken the héroïne. And Bates is not stupid.

Very wonderful job!

WOW! What an update! Great one! I hope Forming Bonds is not far behind also. Another good story.

Wait what? So you won't be finishing this one? Boo! I have been enjoying this one for the last hour or so and would love to see it end. Oh well. Onto another story of yours.

ENJOY SO FAR. PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

It is an interesting idea and mission. However, you obviously do not have a grasp of drug addiction, medical conditions, rape, murder of police officers.

You need to do some research.

Poor Deeks. So much that he went through and it's not over by a long shot. Read it over from the beginning again and boy do I want to crush Lt. Stephans. Hope Hetty gets him. I'm glad Martinez is dead. Deeks has enough to worry about. Can't wait for more.

jesus...this is the most messed up story i've read so far. my god. poor Marty! i'm glad they were able to save him but it's gonna be a tough road for him to heal.

you should keep going with this story. it is awesome.

Can you write more. please