a nicely written on luna's pov.

there are not much of on Luna's side story.

this somehow made me feel pity for Luna, since over so many years she was in love with a guy who don't care about love yet a little girl made her understand this.

this is the first time reading your work and i enjoyed it :)

Okay.

I don't like Luna. I've never liked Luna. And though I don't actually encourage the bashing of her character, generally I do have to say that I don't like reading stories with her as a protagonist in it. Something about the girl didn't really strike me as the "comeback" antagonist. I tried writing a fic about her before, but it was uber hard, because the emotions just weren't in it. She's not a very likable character in general.

But I like the way she's portrayed here.

She knows what's wrong with her, but tries her best to hide it. That is one of the most emotionally detrimental qualities of this girl. She's just a girl in love who didn't get anything out of it except hatred and jealousy.

I like the way you wrote this. As an avid italics fan myself, I like the way you used it to give a sense of her psychological emotions and whatnot. I thought it worked well.

Anyways, this review sucked, but thanks so much for making me a story. I must say, I never really expected something like this. I mean, originally I didn't think that the doc was that big of a deal (since no one actually reads it ;A;) but I'm glad I was able to inspire. ;)

I didn't actually come across her loving Kuonji in that way. AHAHAHA

Anyway, I loved how you portrayed her here. I despise Luna in so many ways, and you somehow made a crack in the wall I made for this woman.

Love your writing as always, Athena!

Keep writing!

-Black Maya-

Hi. So I clicked your link from the AoGA group. Anyhow, here goes my review:

Take note that I don't like Luna, I really don't. Not in the manga, not in the fics. But what I do like is your insight of her character. Your take on her is AMAZING. A tad bit of pity for her grew within me as I read this. I really adore writers who take time to study the characters.

Although I really have to say that this is very common, a portrayal of Luna's being misunderstood. I guess what made this unique are the hints of Luna x Kuonji. Oh, and I liked how she actually realized her errors.

You have successfully emitted the accurate emotions for this piece. Kudos for that.

I don't spot any major mistake, aside from occasional tense switching. And your summary is dull. If you browsed the GA archive, you would find that 90% of the fics include a woman being in love. I'd definitely think that this is one of those cliched fics.

Other than those, I have nothing else to point out. You've done a great job.

Keep writing! :)

P. S. You really are amazing. Mindblown.

-Abby

First of all, title and summary. I feel like they're both pretty generic, but in a mysterious sort of way. The summary is a little uninformative, but I do like how you can really make a connection between the title and summary - Luna was blinded because she was in love. Because of that, I feel like it's enough. Thankfully this is about Luna, because personally, I wouldn't be as interested if it was someone like, oh, I don't know... Mikan. It would be totally overdone. There'd be a chance I'd actually click on the link, but a very unlikely one.

First sentence: grammar alert. Semi-colon use is incorrect. "That she was unfeeling" is a fragment by itself. It wouldn't be a complete sentence, therefore, you can't connect the two together. However, even though this does glare at me, I like how you started it. It's just enough to make you want to keep reading.

Second paragraph: reread it out loud. I spot two grammatical errors that go hand-in-hand (that can be fixed in three ways), one wrong word usage, and one wrong tense usage.

"Then again" should be "But". The reason for this is because you're stating reasons she WAS wrong. The first line and this line could go hand-in-hand, and it sounds a bit weird if you pretend to take out the second paragraph and just read the first and fifth line together.

Remember that when you are talking about two people with just "she" and "he" (especially when they are of the same gender) it can get a little confusing. You've got to state beforehand something more concrete that will differentiate who is who while still keeping a bit of mystery.

Read all the questions over. One of them is confusing for the reader. And remember your tenses, woman! You've got a bit of trouble with them. I spotted quite a few tense mistakes. Also, sometimes your italicizing is unnecessary, but for the most part they really do help with the feel of the story.

Anyway, onto what I liked about it.

I adore Luna fics for two reasons.

1. Nobody with horrible writing actually writes about her. Thank the Lord.

2. We really get a look inside of her. And she's a side character compared to the Sue couple, which is definitely a plus.

I love how you made her misunderstood. When people actually write about Luna, they really try to capture how misunderstood she is, or how vicious she is, or both. It's actually really great how some people are brave enough to try to shed light onto this woman who's frequently looked down upon.

I like how you contributed to the Luna x Kuonji couple, and how you made that out to be the reason she was such a bitch. It doesn't redeem her, per say, but you really get to see how she's just like us. A woman in love? People do crazy things in love, and the fact that Luna changed into a complete bitch is really not the unusual when it comes to love. She seems so human, and I think that's what a lot of people don't realize.

Her realization was great too. It was the best part of this fiction, actually. I love how you showed how much of a softie Luna became after Mikan. Sigh - Mikan, the Sue. Why, oh why. She was necessary to this story and not much of her is shown, though, so thank God. If you showed any more of her I'd be tempted to say, "Mikan's a Sue okay okay cool kay bye now dude".

Even though there were a lot of tense mistakes, this was still a good piece. I feel like you did quite a bit of justice to Luna, and quite a lot of justice to the Luna x Kuonji pairing, which is so beautifully fucked-up that it's amazing, even though that's only because it's not in real life. Heh.

All in all, polish this a bit and this just might get a favorite from le moi ;) /shotdead

I'm gonna go eat things like food now,

Ariie x

P.S. I like how you used the word "garnered".

P.P.S. Don't bother with the line breaks. You don't need 'em. :D

I CAN LOGIN AGAIN! :D

YESS.

And I can critique again too!

Okay. On to the review :)

I really liked it.

Seriously.

I know that you think it's sucky, but it's not. There aren't that many fics out there about Luna and the ones which I've read, they just portray Luna as some crazy brat who hates Mikan for petty reasons.

'Koizumi Luna had always wanted to think that she was numb; that she was unfeeling.' - I really like how you started it :) (I know I told you before too but yeaah)

'It was never about the power. It was never about fame. No, it wasn't like that. It was for attention. She craved for the attention Yuka always garnered.' - That is so true. I've never thought of Luna that way before. To me, she seemed like a person who wanted the power. But now, I'm having second thoughts.

It's pretty ironic how Mikan, made Luna realize what she had become. (Seeing how Luna become like that basically because of Yuka).

'If there was one thing she felt right now, it was not regret. It was not hurt. It was not love, not sadness, not sorrow.

She felt stupid.' - I actually get why she feels stupid. It makes a lot of sense. And oh, I think it should be 'nor sorrow', well I'm not exactly sure about that.

She was just another woman in love. - Lovely ending. I liked the bitter-sweetness of that.

You've made me think of Luna in a different light. You're right, she is seriously misunderstood.

Great job on this Athena!

Keep writing!(See this is why you're on that Doc! :D)

-Riya

Logged in on my phone just to review you (yes, feel special!)

I enjoyed that. The beginning really captured me. And stupid part made my day (well, it's half past midnight...)

When I first met Luna, at ten years old, no words could describe my hatred (and awe at the swear rest between her and Natsume).

When I read the flashbacks between her and Yuka the other year, my point of view of her changed. Now in the recent chapters, she's a commendable character, you're right.

I liked this story lots :) you're really good at like Maria said, your stories do a lot of justice to this fandom :) YOU DESERVE IT WOMAN. Discredit not your work. Be proud and get even bettterrrrrrrrrrr

Good.