Take the Zhinzer approach: if a simpler word to use, there's no reason to use the most complicated one possible. It makes the story virtually impossible to read for the average person, and the few of us that can understand it just find something more entertaining to read.

This is getting really interesting, and I like the way you update regularly also, because I check often to see if there's a new chapter. I'm quite scared about finding out what happened to Jon Urfe's eye, but I think finding out more about who this person in his dreams is even more exciting. Oh, and don't get disheartened by all the people saying you're incomprehensible, I can understand perfectly and I'm sure there are many people like me who empathise with the story and enjoy it as much as I do.

All right, I'll boil this down. If your goal is readability (and in a long story like this it should be) then you have failed. It's succeeded in every other way. I'm not suggesting you dumb it down, but huge paragraphs with huge sentences are reminiscent of Charles Dickens. That's only good if you're from the Victorian era.

(Also, I missed the reason why you were telling us to google another of your pieces. It's pretty good, but...?)

You're not Kirkbride. Honestly, he does incomprehensibility well. He writes beautiful nonsense and Vivec is fascinating and I could write novels on the world-building he's created. When you're writing a story, though, it doesn't work. You can't follow the poor smothered plot, you can't even see the characters under all the words, and eventually your eyes glaze over and you realize you've skipped three paragraphs.

See, the point of MK's stuff is to play a game of find-the-meaning, with the bonus of the way the words sound when read aloud. ("I AM THE SHARMAT/I AM OLDER THAN MUSIC/WHAT I BRING IS LIGHT/WHAT I BRING IS A STAR/WHAT I BRING IS/AN ANCIENT SEA..." etc.) He's either a poet to the core, on some drugs I'd love to get my hands on, found a mental institution with free wi-fi, or all three. But his things aren't very long and they've generally got a sense of something that I can only define as 'epic' in the old sense of the word. This is dry. Look at the following:

"The human set off back the way he had come, without even a backward glance for the vast vertical farm or his trailing goblin servant, back into the amorphous web of layered interstice and enchanted soil-stone surrounding it, too preoccupied with his own frustration to notice the continued confused disturbance and mental percolation trickling through the goblin's staring blue eyes as he followed the human's rigid back, to stiff with his still easily miffed pride to consider the servant's words in any other light than that in which they had first struck him, and underlying it all too arrogant in his own linguistic skill to believe that a mere goblin had surpassed him in communication, had understood Jon's meaning when he had failed to understand Falif's."

There is one period in there. One sentence. That is wrong. When you're writing like this, don't be obscure for obscurity's sake or because you think that's how you're supposed do it, but because it's fun and interesting. In the above sentence you don't even use any particularly ridiculous words. There are no confusing derivations of Mnemoli or Anumidium ANYWHERE. You aren't describing any iterations of the enantiomorph, or the Tsaesci, or whatever was up with Vivec. That's okay! But I shouldn't be having to play find-the-meaning when the meaning is something so incredibly mundane as what you are describing above, and to spend ten chapters playing it is not my cup of tea. I was reading a book on writing the other day- I think it was How to Write a Damn Good Novel. It said to only use that much detail on things you want the reader to pay attention to and to brush over unimportant things. I don't think the above is significant to your plot to justify all of what you've put into it.

Being Michael Kirkbride takes a lot of practice. He's spent his whole life doing it, and so does it well. I love that you understand the lore, since so few people here do even though so many interesting things could be done with it, but this is the wrong way to go about it. I hope you take that into consideration, since people who are lore buffs are rare and should produce more fanfiction. Thanks for reading all this.

Verbose phrases aside (it doesn't feel magical, although the writer probably is seeking for that effect), I find the character less interesting than the other fic. Very hard to relate emotionally with Jon Urfe or care too much about him, it appears that I'm still waiting for another character (is there another character coming up to the surface soon?) to care about even in chapter 10.

This has a really interesting story. It gets better as the plot unfolds. The complicated words are fun to read and make the story seem really magical, which I suppose is the intention. It makes sense because the main character is a linguist and appears to have a rather complex mind.

Okay, I'm not going to flame this but I'll be very frank. This purple prose in this story is on the same level of that in "Spacedust and Chaos: A Requiem". If you need a reference, here are the opening lines of that story:

"With mild trepidation, dark-natured cosmic tangents scissored, crossed, folded into vexatious concisions, as boundless as the sea, the spiraling rubical blood nimbus cut asunder by the long lady fingers of morning sunshine. Time tick-tocked steadily against the corridors and the clean-shaven mammals inside, inefficient mouths murmured, articulating half-true sentiments that held no bearing for the concession of death, rebirth, ashes to ashes, legs valiantly pumping, throttling the tiled white with overbearing pomposity."

Overbearing pomposity indeed. Did you understand what the hell was going on there? Me neither. Sadly, your story is just as incomprehensible as that.

I had absolutely no idea what was going on because the word choice is terrible, and just confuses everyone. It feels like you took every single word in the thesaurus and threw just them into one story. No one will be impressed with something that they can't even slightly understand.

However, there is some plot poking through which shows this has potential to be good. Maybe if you just put down the thesaurus and toned down the purple prose, readers might actually be able to appreciate your story a bit more.

What the fuck? Put down the thesaurus. Please. Or am I going to have to take it from you by force?

This Fanfic of the most brillianty and mentally stimulaltingly written pieces of literature I have ever read!