...What is this?
Ok...so a couple of things. And I'll try not to offend so I'm hoping you'll take this as constructive criticism and not an insult.
1. The grammar needs to be fixed - "I" not "i", punctuation: commas, quotation marks, apostrophe's etcetera.
2. Space out all the speech and thoughts from the text so that way it won't confuse people and make them blurry eyed.
3. Its "Guard" not "guard"
4. Try and make sure things actually make sense, I got so lost when you mentioned that she changed and looked different.
5. Try not to make things too OOC otherwise it might not appear, to people.

There might be more but I can't remember so I hope your not offended and I'm sorry if you are.

I like the story, it's good but you need to learn on using some of these things on how you write your story:

- paragraph structure.
- capital letters to beginning sentences and names (Serena)
- correct spellings, commas, & periods: never press the spacebar and then press the comma button (like , this) it should be like this (hi, my name is Serena Phantomhive.)

In short you need a Beta Reader.

how do you guys like it