What going on?
Please continue

Hippo!

That greeting is so official now!

I figured I'd check this story out as well, it really interested me (plus this fandom needs more dark stories!) and I'm the ever loving angst reader. :) If I recall correctly, this is one of the stories you wanted to rewrite, yes? (Memory and Parallel)

I love the way you started it - it makes me wonder what's going on, and why Takano's there, plus what's up with that tux?! I have a feeling the tux is going to possibly symbolize something, a memory or maybe something more sinister? And what's happened to Takano? Judging from your summary, and Takano's "wonderful" home, I can only guess that he's the "Cinderella" character within this story.

I also am delighted (lol that sounds so formal!) by your wonderful wording IF! It's positively...superb. And the flow is also just exquisite! I found a tinny typo (really, you just forgot a letter at the end) but in the sentence "...pretend was only a dream, he though why not?" You forgot the 't' in "thought." It's okay, don't get yourself in a knot, I actually had to reread to find it. (Update: I had to leave, and freaked when I saw my computer wasn't on this review screen. So happy I don't have to type again. XD)

"Though it held far too many memories – promise me you won't leave like the others – and hopeless reveries – don't fall into their system. you're just a puppet. to them. maybe even to me. careless. you are. – and failed promises –no! – to be worth anything anymore." I loved the way you used italics here, it gives more imagery to the reader, without even using words! It shows the play out in Takano's mind, the whispering voice that is always against us. This part, I feel, helps build a bridge between the reader and the story. It reminds us of how he's a human, and we are human too.

In the next paragraph, I really like the repetition you used. To me, I suspect you did it purposely, empahzising Takano's feelings. And that tux, once again! It intrigues me! Coaxing him...perhaps something Takako dislikes, yet still loves? Or possibly it harbors memories Takano hates with a fury? Argh, that tux!

The "six months ago" brings more of Takano's tone, his roughness and bluntness. And here, I suppose the purpled eyed man is possibly an anti-hero, or the antagonist. I'm leaning towards the antagonist option. And there, you leave us off, with Takano in a car for some mysterious reason. I enjoyed the way you wrote this, but the ending of the chapter doesn't quite...cut off, I would say? It doesn't close up too well, and feels as if there's some hidden part that's missing, something that you must find to aquire a bit of closure.

If I remember correctly, you wanted to rewrite this, as I've stated before. If this is what your thinking mind does, then I can't wait to see what your subconcious mind cooks up! Fantastic writing as always, and the idea seems fresh and original.

-Eraser Bitz

Wow... Scary and intriguing... So far I am captured by the story! Please update soon!

Um... Ok nice start... Please update soon!