I like this story but it can be confusing because you have mixed some of the story up. Like how before the battle with Nuraku have Muroku and Rin being married and have twins but in later chapters there not marred but engaged and are about to have a child. There are other inconsistencies in other chapters.

D

please finish this

this is a great story. please keep it coming

This is an interesting story that has kept me wait for the next chapter at each turn. I am throughly enjoying your writing. I hope you update again soon. I love that Kagome has two mates and who those mates are. I loved when she adopted Hebimaru. That Naraku is now Kagome’s little brother is a twist I hadn’t expected until you did it. The pairings you have created were a first for me to read except the Kagome x Sesshomaru x Inu No Tashio. Really looking forward to the next update.

Needs a lot of editing work. Needs a super beta. Confusing as hell.

The story is great but I love read more soon.

story would be great, but I am wondering why you keep insisting on calling InuYasha dog and not his name? inu in Japanese means dog... I don't recall ever hearing InuYasha being called inu during the anime... let alone anyone else having shortened names... it just sounds wrong...

butchering someones name is not needed...

this fic is really good but I can't help but find it a little rushed. the scene changes are indistinct and the grammar is kind of off. all in all it's a great fic but could use a little editing

New mate!

More please

More please!

First, this is not meant as a flame but as an analysis to help you get better.

I find your story execution slightly clumsy but the actual story its self is very solid, intriguing, and well thought so far. I recommend lots of practice writing stories of all sizes to smooth out the clumsy since that's mostly just technical stuff and the smooth flow of both story and writing. I can tell, only having read the first two chapters, that this could be a rather good story.

You also need to work on descriptions and making the words project the whole scene or at least what is happening and the room its in into the mind of your reader.

As an example that piece of cloth over there is blue. What shade of blue? Prussian blue? Sky blue? Navy Blue? Slate blue? What about the cloth? Is it made from silk? Is it cotton or hemp or burlap or linen? Is it rough to the touch or smooth? Is it dirty, faded, new, or clean? Is the cloth tightly woven so that is all one solid piece or does it have gaps in the weaving? Is it ragged like it was torn somehow or does it seam cleanly cut or even just off the weaving loom?

I hope that helps. I'm going to go read chapter 3 now!
*happily wanders off to the next chapter*

Can't wait for the next chapter and more please update soon love this story

I really hope Naraku can turn himself around

Very sweet