Good, that previous comment I made like months ago... just XD.

R.I.P PMD Overthrown :(, it will be missed. Why kill PMD Overthrown ;/? Sure we have a reboot now, but come on you've been building this up for about 3 or 2 years and your gonna give up on it?
What the hell, you basicially putted everything back to square one, gee thanks. If you do not continue PMD Overthrown, i'm just gonna leave. Because this is such a downer. Thanks again for killing my favorite fanfic iv'e been waiting on ever since the start of 2018. And that reboot was one of the worse things you made, you said you were gonna improve but it was a downgrade, compared to PMD Overthrown.
All because you putted 3 paragraphs for when a Charmeleon was falling. Congrats Knightfall, i would've never imagined you making paragraphs for something that takes 5 secs in real life, but you proved me wrong. Congrats do you wanna Cookie with that :D? That's even the only problem with Dissolution but that one, i had to read 10 times and too this day i still have no idea what you meant.
Just please continue PMD Overthrown, before it's not too late.

Okay! Chapter 11!

I've been reading the story in one go and it was somewhat tedious. The writing is just not appropriate for the story. It is so verbose and fancy that it is actually very distracting.

The verbosity also makes the pacing move with a turtle's pace. Chapter 11 and it doesn't feel like the story has achieved anything.

Also, the prologue doesn't match the actual story so far. Like they don't belong together. I really can't see what the prologue has to do with the story so far.

There is also a lack of context like this war/conflic between the Kingdom and Colonies. They are in conflict but we are given no clues as to why they are in conflict. There is also this random voice(over) that just suddenly talk to anyone. Again no context and clues to what this voice is.

There are also lots of random characters that is dropped into the story without any introduction and context. Like that Lucario(?). He is the King or something? He is worried about something and was refused the help from something? Like really, this is story just lacks a lot of things that should be there so you can understand what is happening. Events are just so nonsensical from lack of context.

*****

The overall this story is just so opaque, so difficult to understand, so confusing, so nonsensical. I give it a chance and read up to this and I finally give up. This story seems to be written to make your head hurt instead of giving you an enjoyable experience. I read stories for enjoyment, not for this confusing tedious schlock.

Not that bad. The situation is actually really intense and quite unique. It seems like a really great setup.

But! The writing, the prose, is just incompatible. It is grand, big and fancy which reminds me of Victorian romance novels. But this is not a romance novel, this is not the story where you can go overboard with your writing. The pace would stop, pause of go in slow motion in every paragraph.

Not only that, there are use of technical terms where it is clear that the author has no knowledge what they mean. Take this paragraph for example:

The Radiation Nullification Shield was exactly what it said it was. A weak field of stable electrons that projected over the area of a human body like a jumpsuit, held in place by the minor gravitational pull the human possessed. Alpha, beta, and gamma radiation was immediately absorbed and neutralized by the massive amount of free valence electrons within the field. Doug strapped the RNS to his wrist and tapped the glowing screen. Instantly, a flash of translucent, electric-blue enveloped him and spread entirely around his body -completely covering his shoes and the mess of black hair on his head.

What? Like how can electrons be held in place by minor gravitational pull? Even the whole planet Earth can't hold electrons in place, how then could a human body do that?

And what? Electrons absorbing and neutralizing alpha, beta and gamma rays? That is equivalent to saying soap bubbles absorbing and neutralizing bullets. Electrons has almost no mass and is like millions of times lighter than protons and neutrons. How can it protect you against them?

And I don't think the author know what valence electrons are. Valence electron is an outer shell electron that is associated with an atom. These electrons are not associated with atoms so they are not valence electrons.

I don't even think that the author understand what translucent means. Translucent materials allows light to pass through but diffuses it. Essentially, translucent materials act like frosted glass. A translucent material is not see through. Now since this translucent shield covers the person entirely, this is equivalent of covering the whole person in frosted glass. And what the problem you ask? Well, it essentially blinded the the person.

And this chapter is filled with this errors. Source code to get past the firewall? What? Long sword and hammer is associated with the industrial revolution? The monitors chirped? Like really?

******

Overall, poor delivery and ridiculous misuse of technical terms. It actually manage to sound incredibly ridiculous if put on close inspection.

Lol forgot to actually send link last time xD channel/UCpMAAOPIvSdOMBL87Ya5RJQ/discussion?view_assubscriber

I just had a bad day at school earlier..seeing this update make me smile a little :)

Oh btw my i tried making an fanfic account but for some reason not allowing me to so i have an discussion in my channel ill send link to it if anyone is wanting to reply to see.

Im so excited mate, you are my favorite creator. Ive only discovered it at the start of 2018 thanks to the shadow of antiochs pmd rebirth. So im so happy to see you finally continue this beautiful masterpiece of a fanfiction. Sad thing ill have to wait longer for whats gonna happen next but still so happy to see you return. I don't really see why you would change the name of overthrown but hey dissolution is fine by me :D. So great to see you back and lets hope for the best of dissolution .

Ahh rereading Overthrown so far feels like im in heaven start to finish chapter really picks the story and tells you that for now on that Overthrown isn't fucking around any this is where shit gets real kids. Overall chapter was really fun reading though again and it leaves off with an amazing cliff-hanger

This really reminds me of Shadow of antiochs PMD rebirth by shadow of antioch fanfiction in manys. Most reckonisible thing was how Leo and Flame both got arrested but in different whys of coarse and like Shadow of antiochs rebirth by series this was also an amazing start for Overthrown. So yeah massive shout out shadow of antioch and highly recommend reading rebirth by and if Knightfall66 or Shadow of antioch are reading this... hey guys

I was wondering since you are on can you ask Galladerocks when he will update dimensions of darkness its been a while if you can since I found your fanfiction page from there so I figured you could ask him?

So, I like the new version of this chapter because it is more serious.
Are the humans in this world still trapped under a dome because they did something?
It would be a shame if you blotted that part out of the story.
Please,update!

- The Lucario (as king) scene was kind of interesting, I liked it. Showed how meaningless the monarchy is. But again, not related to what I think this story is supposed to be about: this one rescue team bringing about a change / saving the world. I'm actually not sure what this story is about even in Chapter 9, and I think that in itself speaks volumes.
But back to my point: That long scene wasn't really related to the STORY. We already know the kingdom is becoming divided and falling apart. It was a cool scene, but it...didn't really add anything in my opinion. I think that sentence can apply to many scenes in the story.
- The next scene following that was the straw that broke the camel's back. More random, psychedelic, dreamscape, rambling, multiple-voices craziness. Who cares about this? Other than the "interesting" factor in the strange way the scene is written, why would a reader enjoy trying to decipher the meaning from this writing? That came out sort of rude. I mean, it's hard to enjoy the story when you're constantly trying to pry out the meaning through the craziness, know what I mean?
This scene was the nail in the coffin for me because just when I thought the story was going to delve into forward progress, more craziness is thrown at me. And this time, I couldn't deal with it.
- As you can see in my first review, I had high hopes for this story after reading the prologue. As I said, you are great with words, and the actual writing itself (excluding the insufferable flow of typos hehe).
However, as the story progressed, I became uncomfortably aware that the FRAMEWORK was what was shaky. Plot. Pacing. Character development. These core principles are what make a story, a story. This fanfiction has taken the story, out of story. In a story, things happen. Things change. But all I'm getting is a bunch of action and dream-category sequences about the present state of affairs, as well as random other characters having scenes (king, blackmarket sableye, metagross, etc.)
The core factors of a story, in my opinion, are missing. Example, just take a look at the characters. Minimal development. If anything, they've become more caricatured. The main character has gone more loony, and lost his free will. Jay is just some orphaned hot-headed headstrong fighter. And the girl has nothing except a promising backstory that was left in the dust. Perhaps that's why I can't remember her name. No development. Just...static. Similar comparisons could be made about plot, setting. And I already spoke to pacing.
- I see now that this is a stream of consciousness style of writing. It seems what was written was what sounded cool at the time. Sure, the setting is consistent, but it's like a bunch of random side-stories with a common theme thrown together in what might seem like a story at first glance. I hope that makes sense. The Wire? (name? The metagross) encounter was the biggest evidence of this phenomenon. See my previous review for explanation as to how that is a symptom of this stream of consciousness style.
- Also, I just want to point out that I love when you describe the surroundings, and use imagery. The trees that closed behind the team when they were fleeing arrest was really cool, as was Lucario's study. All that imagery really shined, and I'd love to have read more of it!
- Man, I feel bad, ending on a note like this. I really wanted to give this story a better chance, but like I said, I fear I would encounter only more of the same. I feel like the resolution, when it finally appeared, (if Ch 19 is the end?) would not feel like it was earned, in the least. I feel that an ending would feel to have happened by happenstance and not any work on the part of the characters. Perhaps the "employer", but who cares about events reached by a mysterious controlling villain? That's why I have to stop, even though I really wanted to give this story a chance.
- I hope your rewrite turns out well! I'm not a pro author by any means, believe me! But I do hope the points I've made make sense, and I hope we both learn from them. I'm sure you disagree on more than one though haha.
- And thank you for the entertainment. I've learned plenty for my own fanfiction writing.

Up to halfway through Ch 8:
- Not much to say about this, small segment that I just read. Still will write my thoughts while they're fresh.
- Liked your diction a lot during the Gear battle. All about metal and static and screeching and such. Creative!
- The parallels to Half-life 2 were present before now, but I thought they were maybe a coincidence. But now...ugh. G-man. Time stopping for a private chat. "Employer." Changing the physics of the mystery dungeon. Rebels, administrators. Not to mention that blatant quote from the beginning of HL2, with some of the words switched around.
It all rings of Half-life 2, and now that I've made that connection, it will be hard to sever it whenever I read this story. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing that this story is so inspired by HL2. It is, after all, fan-fiction. But...I don't want to say "Be more original"...but it is how I feel, in a way. I don't know. I just can't help but view this connection as unfortunate for whatever reason.
- I thought the escape scene (with the orb explosions) took a little too long. Too much down and dirty description of the second by second action which took the high-strung tension, but couldn't maintain it, so it just gradually wound down in an unsatisfactory way. This goes back to my points earlier about pacing.
- I'll keep reading! I enjoy it! I just hope there's some more concrete plot, and less wishy washy, Deus Ex Machinay, dreamy, vague, random, for-effect-only happenings, and more development of character/plot/setting/etc. Know what I mean? Woot woot, I'm cheering for ya!

- Kinda funny when the Magnemite said they 'Weren't made to show emotion'. Rho, Ion, Axis...hehe nice names.
- I like when Leo realizes how simple fighting is if you just don't think about it. Then he activates BATTLE MODE and eagerly attacks everyone. I think that got his personality down pretty well.
- Still feeling iffy about the ridiculousness of mystery dungeons. Only thing in the story that feels so video game-y.
- Nice battle scene setup! Thought it was well planned and executed (from a writer POV). Hopefully they teach him moves before any more danger!
- Really like the herbs on the ceiling to cut through the foul odors and replace them. Totally stealing this idea _
- Doesn't Jay have better things to do in a fight than help Leo stand? Seems like he exists to be next to Leo so that he could offer a paw to help him back up...and occasionally also does some Fighting-type move. I think in fights, it would be way more helpful to be offensive and actually attack, even if it's just a distraction, than help your fallen teammate stand up. I get that it's a gesture of camaraderie, and it's character interaction, but it seems so anime-like or movie-like to me.
- Typos all the time: dropped or extra words, dropped or extra letters... if you don't respect and treasure your own work enough to thoroughly proofread, why should a reader?
- Liked the part where the antagonist recited the definition of pressure, pressing Leo against the forcefield. Then that forced the ember. That was cool.
- Still, I thought that battle was otherwise terrible from a writer's point of view. No personal offense intended. This is why:
We have no idea what this battle is about. LITERALLY, you said a portal opened, some powerful characters are introduced who we have no idea what they are about, and then they're fighting the protagonists. Very little explanation. NO lead-up, at all. It felt inserted. Totally screwed up the pacing and continuity of the story.
Then, you proceed to make this the most epic, drawn-out, intense battle ever. When we as readers don't have any stake in this. It feels like it belongs at the end of the story, not as a random insertion. Why would you put so much effort and sheer number of words toward a battle that is written like this?
I think as a general rule, the more words you write into a scene, the more important that scene is. That just makes sense, right? Unimportant things are easily and quickly read, major developments take a while. But it fits, because readers care about the big stuff.
Then this battle just...happens. And it's freaking huge and lengthy and a show-stopper. It would be like if, I dunno, in the middle of the Lord of the Rings, when Treebeard is talking to Pippin and Merry, a portal opened and out come this ancient elf king and a demon from another dimension, and suddenly Pippin and Merry and Treebeard have to battle it! Because reasons! Vague references!
Do you know what I mean?
So that chapter was a big issue for me.
- Way too much teleportation in this story, period. I feel that in most stories, especially fantasy-esque ones like this one, it's important to have continuity of place. When characters spend a long time to get somewhere, either in their timeline or in number of words for a reader, it's an accomplishment. It's not something to shrug off. They moved, it's a new setting, it was an expenditure on effort to get there for the characters and the reader. So when characters are teleporting around, not casually but close to it, it destroys that expenditure. It renders it null. It's no longer even close to a big deal to walk miles and miles, because by pressing a button you can be whisked away. And it's not just badges, it's the girl's mom, and other guild teams, and even more.
So I don't like that. I get that it's a convenient way to skip time describing or alluding to travel, and it's a (seemingly) cool way to have drama with characters appearing and disappearing or even having the teleport malfunction until it is restored in the nick of time.
But urgh. Now travel is no big deal in this universe. When characters have to escape, or voyage, it's silly if they teleport, and silly if they don't utilize that potential. Silly in any case.
- A few annoying exaggerations you like to do. Examples: during the dream/vision sequence, you say something like 'metallic screeches and subtle sounds filled the air, but the oppressive silence weighed on Leo's ears'. That's just...dramatically contradictory in a silly or remiss way. And, 'Jay scratched at the Metagross' face for a couple of seconds, but to Leo it felt like hours.' Um, yeah, I get that in combat, looking back it can be shorter than it seemed at the time. But turning seconds into hours is a stupid juxtaposition. I hate this dramatic overblown style, personally. Maybe it works for some other (younger?) readers.
- Story doing more and more surreal and disjointed sections. Chapter beginning. Schizo voices and dreamish sequences. Teleporting between empty locations to do meaningless crap. Random enemies appearing, to fight for unknown purposes. Because of all of these pointless-ish segments, I'm finding it increasingly hard to care about the story. When so many parts are irrelevant and seemingly random, or even just super vaguely connected to the story (such as the fight with the Metagross), the actual continual plot that I have down pat is more scarce by necessity. No one wants to read a story that's disjointed and throws curveballs constantly.
On the flipside, it's good to know that some of this is cohesive plot, i.e. Leo being shown in a very (read: unnecessarily) roundabout fashion that he's not allowed to disobey his employer
- I know I can be very blunt in my reviews. I apologize, truly. But I won't do you the disservice of holding back, because I can tell you are a great author who can have a way with words. In fact, if I might be so bold, and having little credentials myself, I would say that you have a great command of vocabulary and description, and the little things, but not so much at broader strokes such as the interplay of suspense, foreshadowing, and conflict into the larger plot, as well as pacing/tension/stakes. Also your POV is super inconsistent and hard to follow but not a big deal at all to me so whatevz.
I am not at all authorized at judging people's writing so take everything with a grain of salt please, haha!
I am enjoying, thank you for writing! I'll probz continue to review!