Interesting. Very very interesting. I'm hooked. Great story. I can't wait to read more. Your characters are great with a depth to them, not just a character with nothing. And you have just the right amount of description to make the characters and places really come to life. I know some of these places are mentioned or based in the books, but I think you've done an excellent job on them!

Nela

I truly love this story.

Well written, two thumbs up.

I'd love to see a sequel.

Very enjoyable! :D :D

Jeez - the guy's supposed to be 21, not 12 - what a wimp!

The idea is nice enough, but there is no real plot, and you keep getting caught in an "and then, and then, and then..." routine. Not good for the flow of a story.

Things keep happening for no apparent reason, the only character that is at least a LITTLE fleshed out is Croco, the others are just two-dimensional cutouts - interchangeable and nondescript - and Croco himself is... well... not the most interesting person, you know. Add to this that didn't he even once ask how he could get home, or reach his family to tell them what happened, that his brother is dead but he himself is well - that's what I would have attempted first thing.

Hope this doesn't sour the story for you - keep it up, rewrite the chapters if you can, try to include some scenery and side-stories - visualize the characters and describe what you see. Have someone check your grammar (very few typos! keep this up!) And make your chapters a little longer - four paragraphs are read in two minutes, max.

Please complete the story, then see what you can do to flesh it out. Re-read your favorite novel, try to find out WHY you like it - and imitate the style. Imitation, after all, is the highest form of flattery.

Crest Skybax

Can't wait till Trish appears! Never thought that she'd really come up, but this is going to get good! (Though it's great right now anyway.)

It sorta sounds like a mixture of Jurassic Park 1 and 3...but I like it.

cool! it's turning out to be a regular epic! Can't wait to read more!