it's a very long time,but please update!

So she's the dragonborn.. YET SHE DOESN'T USE ANY SHOUTS!

By the gods! This one cannot help but stare at the brilliance of this masterpiece. I have read this story twice so far, and I daresay that I ADORED it. Finally a dragonborn ,your dragonborn, who is not a Mary Sue , but a relatable character with justified weaknesses. You have a genuinely original plot and you are very skilled in writing and expressing your characters feelings. I know you have abandoned this story long ago ,but I wanted to thank you anyway.I hope this comment finds you in good health and great spirits,
I wish you all the best. Divines bless your kind heart. May the ground you walk quake as you pass!

I've just re-read this story after some months of not checking on it, and I just wanted to say that you truly have a wonderful talent for weaving a story. Elsa has so many emotional layers and personality traits that it's very hard to see her just as a fictional character. The way she transforms from just a drunkard to a fallen hero with a painful past is just perfect. I've got a soft spot in my heart for any main character who suffers from self-loathing and is looked down upon/down on her luck. I also love the banter between her and Vilkas-bitter as it is, it's all smooth and natural and very, very well written.

Even if you don't come back to this story, thank you for writing this much! Good luck to you in the future!

Right, time to finally get caught up.

Hmm... first time I've noted this, but for the in-chapter chapter title (if that makes any sense), it's just a bare 'Chapter 16', not including the same title that you've included in the dropdown box. Is there a reason for that?

I'd use 'leap at it' rather than 'leap on it' to describe grasping an opportunity, but maybe that's just me.

All Phane needs to block his schemes is just one person who can resist his manipulations... but, sadly, people with the right steel in them seem to be few and far between.

I feel I should point out the lack of description of the important places here; it wouldn't be so bad if you'd described it in FULL detail when Elsa first went there, but right now it's hard to visualise (especially given that you've told us that it's changed from how it was ingame).

Ah... Phane's playing a skilful game here.

No peace in death for Elsa? Well, Tsun DID say she'd have a place in Sovngarde ingame, but then, in the years that have elapsed since then...

Your Nirn certainly isn't a nice place from Elsa's descriptions of it. True, she's got the perfect reasons to be a jaded cynic, but even so, it's not a nice world even without her shit-tinted spectacles.

You know, I'm almost seeing a bit of Gorgoth in Elsa. Difference is, he's got the mental fortitude to act with dignity and discipline, despite him having nearly as many mental scars as her (probably not quite as many, but his might well be deeper). Doesn't mean he'll be any happier than her, though.

I get what you're trying to write here, but to some it might make them think that Ulfric's actually in Jorrvaskr when Elsa mentions his face.

Ah, and with all that intrigue done with, we're finally back with progressing the Companions questline! Which I'd almost forgotten about in all this plot. Not that this is a bad thing, of course, because the plot is still moving and it'll be good to see what happens next.

Sovngarde is a lie? She's BEEN there!

Yep, she's quite the pessimist. Can't say I blame her, though she does seem a tad deluded. Can't blame her there either, though.

I'd add an 'everything' or something similar after Elsa's first 'lost'; leaving it there without anything afterwards sounds like she's saying he's lever lost anything at all, whether that be his parents or just a sparring match. Similarly, he could have a 'something' after his first 'lost'.

Seems like you're saying the Forsworn are Imperial savages, though I might be reading that wrong; they're actually Reachmen, a mix of Breton and Nordic blood (though they're Bretons ingame); nothing to do with Imperials.

Oh crivvens, now Elsa's turning evil.

And now Vilkas is going mad. You really do like putting your characters through a lot... I like that (sadist!). You don't need the hyphen in 'shut-up', though; they're two words.

Yes, Vilkas, read the diary. I'm even more curious than you are.

A diary called Rolf. Indeed, Elsa truly has changed. (and now I get to criticise her writing instead of yours!)

This sounds more like a family of Bretons than Nords! Then again, they ARE living in Cyrodiil... (and then again, they're living in Bruma, which still has a lot of Nordic influences)

Hmm, an Arena victory at fourteen? Impressive. Then again, the quality of Pit Dogs isn't high. Interesting to see the old Arena still running how it always has, despite the Thalmor's sacking of the city.

Ah, the traditional young-hothead-doesn't-want-an-arranged-marriage-to-a-stuffy-gentleman. Tried and tested. But this one, as we know, has a sad ending...

So that's how she came to Skyrim and got caught with the Stormcloaks... ah, misfortune after misfortune.

Young Elsa certainly seems to be reacting well to her arrival in Skyrim... but then, as she's writing this, I wouldn't be surprised to find out that she's leaving out parts when she was a quivering ball of fear.

Ah, Elsa's description of the soul-absorption seems a bit similar to what I have in mind for my Skyrim fic. I'd pictured it as actually having glimpses of Mirmulnir's memories and actions, compressing snapshots of his entire lifetime into a the few seconds it takes to absorb a soul.

Noticed something; Monday is spelt 'Morndas', not 'Mondras'. Also, 'Winterhold' is one word, not two.

Hmm. I'd have thought that knowledge (and particularly hatred) of the Thalmor would be widespread in Cyrodiil; the Great War ended less than twenty years ago, after all, short enough for people to have fought in it to still be around and in their prime. Surely in the Imperial City she'd have met survivors of the Thalmor's brutal sacking.

Again, Forsworn aren't Imperials. And now we're back with Vilkas. Hopefully he doesn't stop there and goes back to reading the more important parts. Also, you've misspelled 'Hircine'.

'my temper flairs' - should be 'flares'. Also, it's interesting that Elsa seems less... human... for every dragon she kills. A nice take on it.

That's a long list. And if it's what I think it is (Elsa's list of how many Forsworn she killed, and where, in revenge), then it's easy to see just how far off the edge she went when Argis died.

Gah... if only Vilkas knew the truth, the full truth. He's being a hard-hearted bastard even now, but he has his reasons. But if he knew the full tragedy... well, he might change, he might not, but he's getting less and less sympathy from me right now. Tragic life? That's the understatement of all understatements (I also note that in the diary there's nothing about her actually beating Alduin in Sovngarde, though maybe that was one of the ripped/burned pages).

And so I'm caught up. I'll say that apart from some glaring errors (Forsworn are NOT Imperials), this chapter... well, it's just one long tale of tragedy, woe and despair. I hated Elsa at first (and I still will sometimes) but now... she's been stretched to breaking point and beyond. There's no wonder she broke. She's got boatloads of sympathy from me now, and while I still hate her sense of entitlement... well, she does deserve respect for saving everyone at great personal cost to her sanity. If only people knew more about what it cost her...

So, all in all, a good chapter, as ever. And now I have to wait for the next one... as I learnt recently, no writer's block is insurmountable (well, mine wasn't. I hope), so take as much time as you need; we'll wait for quality.

Great. Vilkas misses Elsa's defiant speech because he's too busy fighting a nervous breakdown. Ah, well, can't win anything. Ah, noticed something nitpicky; I'd prefer your chapter title (well, it's not a title, but the 'Chapter 15') to be in the centre rather than rammed in the corner; looks better that way. And letters look better than numbers.

Ah, so the guards ARE affected by the Dismay, so that's why she could leave at the end of the last chapter (seems these two were as well; makes sense). Even so, I'd expect at least a FEW to have made SOME move to stop her... unless that Shout is utterly debilitating. At the very least, Ulfric should be more free than most, given that he's had training with this kind of thing.

Great, now Elsa's going to make me hate her again. Then again, that seems to be a natural state of being between me and her. I wonder how she got those horses... maybe the stable owner is an old contact, maybe the Voice helps her sweet-talk... I dunno.

Yep, I hate her again. Though Vilkas punching her, satisfying as it may be, simply isn't the way to solve things. I want to see that ego shattered into a million tiny pieces (which probably won't happen, but then, it's probably a good thing I'm not the one writing this). Still, it does make a difference now I know just WHAT she went through (or at least part of it).

Stop blaming Kodlak, Vilkas, and blame yourself.

'Elsif' is spelt 'Elisif'; apart from that, I'm too busy reading to actually notice things. This probably isn't going to be a very helpful review. :P ('supposed' is missing the 'd'. Twice, in fact)

Ah... this explains a fair bit, especially about Lydia. Course, Elsa being close-mouthed about everything didn't help, either, but she's clearly got reasons for that.

And FINALLY Vilkas starts changing his opinions... or, at least, thinking about doing so. Slowly. Well, the plot's chuntering along at a fair old pace now.

And now we're back with the competent people.

War is hell. That is fact. Lydia's memories are a good portrayal of that. And as for the Empire's actions... those bastards. And all that BEFORE she chose her side? Indeed, that would be enough to give anyone problems in the head. I can't help hating Elsa when she's talking down to Vilkas, but now... I have a lot of sympathy for the poor girl. Skyrim probably can't comprehend what she's been through and still expects everything from her. Hardly surprising she turned out the way she did.

Gah, and now Lydia doesn't like Farkas any more. I definitely do like your characterisation and it's bloody good, but they still frustrate me personally a lot of the time. That's probably a good thing. (Also I'd lose the hyphen in 'set-up')

And, predictably, there's conflict between these two. Hard to imagine there wouldn't be, considering their pasts.

Phane, you bastard. Then again, he's clearly a master at this kind of thing; I wonder if Lydia would realise he's casting a spell on her even if she knew anything about magic.

Ah, Krev the Skinner, (future) killer of Skjor (well, possibly. Who knows what might happen?). Interaction with the actual Silver Hand will be interesting...

I always thought the relegation of women to second-class was more Breton/Cyrodilic than Nordic... but then, Nords will have their fair share of misogynists as well.

He truly is a manipulative bastard. And he's terrifyingly good at it. That sort of bloke... well, the Companions have much to worry about.

And not just the Companions, it seems, if world domination is his goal. He certainly sets his sights high. Wonder how he plans to go from werewolf hunter to the power behind the throne... well, it'll be fascinating to read, of that I have no doubt.

Again, a spectacularly unhelpful review, but then, this story is on my favourites list and you're on my favourite authors list. There's a very good reason for that; it's hard to criticise when writing is good. Your description is still a bit lacking sometimes; we could have had more description of the Silver Hand lair, for example, which might be important as Lydia would be spending some time there. But characterisation, dialogue... good stuff.

It's... been a while since I last read this. So long, in fact, that I'll have to constantly remind myself about what was happening. Still, I've only got myself to blame for being so damned late, so I might as well get on with it.

(Also, I offer my gratitude for that comment in the opening Author's Note. The fact that this review is years late indicates I don't deserve such praise, but it's nice to see anyway ;))

'Redguard' is one word, not two. And now I have to remember what I can about Phane's gang... I remember him and his intentions well enough, thankfully.

Ah, good to see the good old Nordic racism present in Lydia to some extent (well, sort-of racism, it's more complicated than that, obviously).

A good comparison to the Fighters Guild there; naturally that's how Phane will WANT the Silver Hand to appear to Lydia...

Arg; someone like him will have her wrapped around his finger soon enough; much as I hate Phane, he appears to be a damned good manipulator.

In the game the only downside to lycanthropy was missing out on the experience bonus from sleep... but in writing, you can REALLY make the point about how troubled your sleep might be. To be sure, a price to pay for the benefits. I guess with Vilkas' case you can throw in paranoia as well.

'flair' should be 'flare' in this case; spellchecks won't pick up on something like that.

Hmm... interesting. I wonder what's in this diary that's so profound as to make Kodlak make such a statement. Then again, I've guessed a few things about Elsa... I'd be intrigued to read that diary as well.

Elsa's grown a spine, it seems, and not an illusory spine provided by drink, either.

Careful now, Elsa, you just won a small bit of respect from me; don't throw it away by rubbing it in Vilkas' face.

'thriving off expansion of Windhelm' - you're missing a 'the' between the 'off' and the 'expansion'. I also noticed that you didn't use a strikethrough line (or whatever they're called; I used to call them something different but I can't remember what) for this scene transition; it might not be a POV change, but I'd use a strikethrough line anyway.

Seems Ulfric doesn't like her. Kodlak wasn't joking when he mentioned how poisonous things seemed to be...

I'm not sure if all the High Kings have ruled from Solitude; I'm sure the palace of the Kings is called such for a reason, and Ulfric certainly seems to have a healthy respect for it ingame. Maybe in ages past Windhelm was the High King's throne...

Ha, a nice poetic turnaround from Helgen indeed. Elsa's got her wits back. Well, partially, anyway.

Not a bad description of Ulfric and his hall; it could have more detail, true, and I have no idea of the size of the crowd in there, but given the situation, we're focused on... other things. Ulfric's definitely not a nice bloke. I wonder what Elsa's going to spout out next...

Ouch. Truly, there were no good sides in the war, if THAT'S what the Imperials did to Elsa's family.

Why is Ulfric letting her speak? True, shutting her up might cause questions, but that's better than her letting slip whatever terrible truths she witnessed in front of his entire court. Idgrod Ravencrone was a woman, though; that 'his' should be a 'her'.

Ulfric isn't... acting like a king. Then again, if Elsa's right, he's not very kingly.

And THERE'S a Shout! A good time to use one, that's for sure, and certainly a FITTING Shout. Effective, as well. No, Ulfric, she's not drunk, and- hang on, I'm actually cheering for Elsa here. Well done, in your version of Ulfric you've given me someone I currently hate MORE than Elsa.

And... that's it? Just a warning and then she walks out of there like nothing happened? That Dismay Shout's all very well, but I doubt the guards will just let her walk out of there after she's Shouted people into cowering in terror and slandered their beloved High King. And even if they're stunned, Ulfric should be doing SOMETHING; he's competent, after all. This will DAMAGE him, and badly. He should be doing SOMETHING... or maybe he will at the start of the next chapter, and I should read on.

Still, it's nice to see the Dragonborn make an appearance in your fic. I wondered when she would turn up. ;) (And that's definitely given Vilkas something to think about)

Anyhow, it's been a long time, but finishing this chapter... well, I've returned to this fic just as it appears to have gotten really interesting. It was last updated on May 31, but... well, I know what writer's block feels like. I just hope you keep writing because I know I'm interested (and I've still got two chapters left to read yet).

And no, I haven't really criticised much this chapter, partly because I'm very out of practice with reviewing, and partly because there's little to criticise; yes, your description was a bit sparse in places, but your characterisation is good (apart from Ulfric, who appears completely out of his depth against a denunciation that his enemy shouldn't have been free to make in the first place. Was he underestimating her or something?). Apart from that... this is a good fic. And I'll read more. As soon as possible.

Oh man I'm almost aching for the next chapter! I noticed a few minor spelling errors, more seemingly to do with being typed in a hurry. Otherwise, I'm on the edge of my seat until the next chapter.

So if Ulfric didn't actually want her dead, why did he try to poison her in the first place? Alternatively, if he was trying to poison her, why would he let her walk out alive after she'd seen him poison a shitton of people? He could have just slit her throat really quickly. It's not like that would draw any more attention than poisoning.

You've got a few typos in here, mainly messed up punctuation and capitalization. I'm not as obsessed with that stuff as some people on this site are, but you should still be sure to give your chapters a final read-through to catch that stuff before publishing so it doesn't look sloppy.

Interested in seeing where you go with this. I'm not sure if you actually had a plot in mind when you started this story, but it's certainly growing into something.

I think your story is wonderful! I think your character has lost the will to live, after everything for which she fought was shattered! She lost her love and the rest of the "world" turned rotten! Sure, she is not a noble soul, but I think that after all is very human in this one! Vilkas is definitely an idiot at times, and a little hot-blooded, but I think that even though now he is all snarling, he will be helping her! I like the idea that he could help her! XD

First let me tell you how much I'm happy to see you updating again. I'm so in love with the story and the angst behind it.
As for the chapter, it's clear to me now how Elsa has changed from being a sweet naive girl to a tormented woman with no wish of staying alive. I really really enjoyed reading through her dairy especially from Vilkas' point of view. I hope he'll be able to understand her more and perhaps even help her get through it?
And Phane and his foul plans with Ulfric. So much to look for.
I can't wait to read more.
Cheers

Well...so she's barren Argis was her deceased lover (hmmph) and she is literally become the hero that history overlooks with an untold story.

Well hell, I get the reason why some dragons want to watch the world burn.

This chapter was definitely intense. And now I really hate Vilkas. I think most of us already knew a great part of the story - that she was in love with Argis, the poisoning, the murder of her family, Argis' death, the burning of Bruma. Now he knows most of it except the Argis part but is still an a-hole.
Two grave mistakes:
-The Forsworn are some kind of Bretons
-It's Mirmulnir. With an I.
Great chapter, I was so happy when I saw you've updated.
-Drakes

So happy to see an update :D

Awesome chapter, it was very interesting to see Elsa's past in the form of her diary, as well as all the snippets of her life up to the present. It's also interesting to read just how much of an idiot Vilkas really is lol.
I really am eager to see what happens with Lydia and what Ulfric may do next :D