Brilliantly written

So now starts the long path to bleeding out on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, for absolutely no reward at all...

Dumbledore must be so pleased that Snape has no one in this world to love; it'll make it so much easier for him to sacrifice the Potions Master when the time comes.

Oh, no. Poor Severus-he never had a chance, and from now on he will never allow himself to have a chance.

I hope Netterheim went out with a bang. There are so *many* kinds of potions out there, heh.

Too bad that cleaning up his mess (and the messes of everyone else) is going to suck dry what's left of his life.

He should still run-but he won't. Now he's on the long path that leads to the Shrieking Shack (because, after all, he makes such a good tool for Dumbledore. And it's not like he was a person to anyone but Dorcas anyway).

Why didn't Snape just Obliviate Rookwood? That could have resolved the whole problem of who knows too much etc. right then. Still, Rookwood is unlikely to talk.

And thanks (not) for the Evil Cliffie about both Snape and Dorcas. Whine...

Oh, dear, I hope that fake notebook will stall *them* long enough for him and Dorcas to get out of town, or preferably, to that little cottage out of the country.

I have a Bad Feeling about this...

Oops. Things were looking so good-Severus putting down money on the cottage, the antidote finally working (and the Death Eater mask *not* working)-and now Lucius.

The two of them are never going to see that cottage, are they/

Gorgeous first paragraph; it works wonders in grabbing my attention (and I can feel my head pounding again; you reminded me of my fever, lol). [His head pounted, his body ached] - usually I'd put a semicolon here, but I wonder if you used the comma to shorten the pause? Interesting use of creative license if you do. The way you've managed to keep the images frank while playing with subtelties like that is simply gorgeous as well. The shock is very well described (you even snuck in a few medical bits - though the breathing is a classic one that might be worth mentioning, particularly since it'll merge with what you've done here so well).

The drifting away of the mind has been written gorgeously too, the way he has to latch on to physical things to ground himself shows off that focus on the character nicely, and also lets you do a little more by giving extra tidbits.

The way you describe Snape with Dorcas is quite interesting, particularly the repetition of "they blew it up" but it looses a little potency when you focus almost entirely on dialogue in the middle there. Snape obviously isn't; since you're still narrow-focused in him, I'd suggest a little more prose to pad it.

The little spill with the Death Eaters tells something rather different to the impression the first scene gives; it was a good idea to offset the idea of the DE's doing that on purpose, otherwise conspiracy theories would strt too cook. :D

Moody's appearance was interesting; you manage to maintain his general harshness and the caring underneath quite beautifully in so few words.

I love your ending; it's a tinge of dark humour, but the way you describe it gives several images at once, all relevant in context. Part of me is reminded of Trewalny's teacup fortune telling as well. :D Very interesting choice of ending, and powerful. A powerful chapter all through.

Oh, my. Snape did try to warn the Order through Dorcas, but it's not his fault they didn't believe her; however, he still blames himself. Sybil needs to be under Dumbledore's protection, though, she is seriously a loose cannon.

But he did his best to take Lily out of the equation by his mind-manipulation of Avery.

Oh, and that purple potion which will slowly drive the DE mad, and increase Snape's control of him.

Oops.

It's been quite a while since I've been able to tag you, I needed to skim over the other chapters again. :D

"why it was a crap idea" - seeing as this isn't first person narration, "crap" seems a little extra colloquial.

I love the confusion about the message, particularly in the eyes of a double agent. I also love how you've described Lucius; platinum being worth more than gold is an interesting choice for a money-orientated man like him.

The dialogue is rather interesting as well; the tone doesn't quite fluctuate with the information revealled, but it's enough to show it as a mindgame rather than a straight-up discussion.

"he failed to deliver the correct lunch order" - amusing little tidbit to slip in amongst all the seriousness.

Sybil is quite interesting in this chapter. It doesn't quite match with her canon self, but it's quite interesting as far as the story goes. :D

"Is it..Dark Magic? / It's a sandwich" - lol, sarcasm at its best. I love how you manage to shuffle seriousness and some light humour too. It works particularly well considering the length of the chapter and the fic as a whole.

Snape watching Avery is like babysitting. That'll be another good interjection with humour while the serious stuff continues on.

Not letting the shield down caused a fire? Shows how the shield can work both ways. Interesting.

[least likely of places] I wonder where that will be. Home? The ministry? Dorcas' footsteps? Testing the product turned into quite a mess...and not the mess usual testing products at the animal stage usually have. :D

Oh, my. I think Severus would actually rather have gone to the baby shower.

But he has to move fast-unfortunately, he couldn't do so fast enough.

He really should leave the country soon, though. As for Dorcas-why can't she go with him? That would resolve a lot of problems for both of them.

I'M AT THE END! WHY AM I AT THE END, IT ISN'T FAIR! *pouts*

Oh well, it was a good story. IS. It is a good story. That's more accurate.

So we walk in on Severus and he's utterly miserable. I feel like Dorcas would look at him and kind of sigh. This story makes me wonder why she didn't become a ghost after these events. Or maybe that was why. She didn't want to haunt Snape or anyone else more than she already would.

This whole chapter feels to me like this is the part that canon called for, to keep it fully compliant. This is the last puzzle piece and everything is wrapping up. It's not all in a nice little bow but it's the thought that counts.

Interesting how Sybill's addiction is handled in this. Is this the reason why we catch her sniffing cooking sherry as years pass?

So... wait, why did he have to take the Polyjuice Potion there? I think I'm misunderstanding. Maybe. Or there's symbolism escaping me. Plenty possible. I like that he does try to wrap things up in the end, get these monsters arrested like Dorcas would have done. Though she would have wanted more things from him, different ones, but it's a mite too late to wonder what they are.

But it doesn't stop it from hurting him, and he's still realizing that, I feel. I like this story because it proves he didn't just love Lily but he loved others and was human, human and mostly flawed and that's not entirely a bad thing.

Wow, Avery's scum. I mean, I knew that but wow. He's just not even trying to hide it anymore. Did Severus' magic do that way back in the earlier chapters or are we just showing how insane he was? Oops either way. Bastard.

There isn't justice, and I'm happy and sad that Severus notices that. And once Lily dies, it's going to be all downhill from there. Too bad I won't get to read about it here.

A great read, and great fun, and I loved it a lot. Until next time!

The internet is up. I apologize for the wait.

I feel like we're going through the various stage of grief out of order, or at least a couple of them. Apathy and denial, both are incredibly powerful.

I'm glad you didn't draw out Dorcas' death physically. It's very much left to the imagination of how everything was settled, but we know Voldemort killed her and how it happened and that's all we really need to know. that's all the book tells us anyway.

And Lucius remains jerk of the year! Nice to know the screaming wasn't just Avery torture but Draco is actually alive and obnoxious even before the terrible twos. The poor house-elves. Especially since, you know, he's like: don't be so sentimental, while pretending like he cares. Jerk.

I'm taking a guess, but man does Snape sound like he looks like crap. If that sentence made any sense at all.

Rereading, i see the denial. He's concentrating so hard on not seeing the reality that he isn't acknowledging it, even though a part of him already knows it.

He certainly getting out of the hell anytime soon either. He's getting healed physically, but his mind is trapped in a well of self-pity and failure. Not that I blame him. Dorcas actually reciprocated his feelings, unlike Lily. Oh god, I see how this is going to go. Not nice. Not nice at all.

Gotta say, though: Lucius is a pretty fabulous liar, despite the fact that if Voldemort wasn't there, he'd be doomed at it. Luckily Karkaroff is a moron.

WHY WASN'T NETTERHEIM THE MAIN CHARACTER? Oh wow, cause that scene was so cool! We may not know how it goes, but it's left to the assumption that he died fighting, at least at this point in the story. Or we may never know. He just faces Avery and the others like: yeah, you're such a threat. And is thinking of killing him as as easily as you would swat a fly. Write that prequel about him, so I can squeal. Please.

The line about happy endings hurt. Because knowing the canon, I could guess where that was going to go, and it was going to go badly. But Snape couldn't have known that, and he still had hope. Or he tried to. he also tried to convince himself it was a bad idea. And that didn't work either. Poor guy. I do like that he does resign himself. It's sad, it's angsty, but it's still Snape, and he's a man who sticks to his guns, even if they've already backfired.

ooh, that one was creepy. Voldemort didn't even let him think about it, just like: do the thing. Jerk.

I don't think Severus has enough ghosts. Now Lily is going to follow him, isn't she? Ooh, cause that's creepy. And he's suicidal. Aww...

Okay, shopkeepers, that's a low blow. It took you the entire fic, when the war's been going on for ages. Really, where have you been? Well, it's too late now. It is ironic.

Aw, I'm basically at the end. Not cool.

I see what you did in that author's note by the way. I saw what you did there.

See you again for the last chapter!

Oh, nicely done (hums "Pinball Wizard"). Yes, a machine like that is the last place a wizard would look for anything.

And Nettleheim is right; if Sluggy had done his job, Snape wouldn't be in this much trouble.

Oh, my yes! The two of them are often in danger and...upset at each other for being the honorable people that they are.

But that Order meeting is still going to be horrible, especially with the not-so-unexpected guests (Dorcas has got to warn them).

Nice to see that Lily is just an obligation now; Dorcas deserves better than second fiddle.

I KNEW IT.

Downward spiral, downward spiral!

... boy it sure happened fast. I mean that, like seriously. EVERYTHING EXPLODES.

Karkaroff is incredibly melodramatic. Rah rah, this will start the new age of the Death Eaters ruling the Earth. And they are all so hyped up on power, so excited to be there, to be ushering in a new world that they didn't read the fine print that said their masks weren't poison proof. Or thank goodness that Snape didn't point that out because that would just ruin all of the fun. I do like that Dorcas seriously jumped the gun, and it worked. So much of a Harry Potter thing is that there's a plan and it doesn't happen even close to according to plan and they have to improvise and Dorcas just proved herself a true blue master at it.

But of course Rookwook is the one who botches it all. Run away! ... But something tells me Snape won't get to tell her about her uncle being a traitor, if the canon is slowly marching on.

Though Voldemort really made a nice, creepy entrance, silent and cold while Karkaroff is practically spitting, going past bodies, running into action, only keeping composure for his master.

Nice rendition of psycho Voldemort and his Legillimancy. Nice and creepy, reminding me more of squid tentacles than snakes. Dorcas, however, remains attempting to be strong as she chokes on poison. Well done. Well done, love... attempts to triumph! I say attempt because I don't think she's living past the next chapter.

Also I think Snape just got a concussion. Wonderful. Just peachy. The poor idiot. Well, he's unconscious and he tried to save Dorcas. This is what happens when he loses composure. Oops.

Moody's narration is fabulous. The issues with Muggles, everything being shot to pieces, death and violence everywhere. God the ghastly cackle was a little bit corny to me, but that's personal taste.

Oh Moody... you're in so much denial it hurts. She's totally not surviving this. That fall did not do her any good.

thanks... now I'm remembering that Order picture Moody showed Harry. My emotions are not okay right now. I'm ust going to leave and think about happy things like bunnies.

Great chapter! I'm almost done! Then what will I read next?