Hey

Ok, so I'm a little canon blind here. I watched a few of the cartoon series and saw the second movie but that was it. Nevertheless, I shall read on!

Starting off, I like your use of technical terminology in place of more human sounding words. Using a word like lubricant instead of tears really does bring out the perspective of them being machines, whose mannerisms are extremely different from our own. I am quite giggly (excuse my teenage immaturiy) about Megatron having lovers. How does a robot well . . . Ahem, do it?

It was nice to see a story that pulled away from the good always wins archtype, what with Optimus and Sam dying (pretty gruesome death there by the way, it was awesome to read) and the human race being enslaved, it made an interesting read. You can just tell that you've put a lot of time and effort into developing this AU.

And speak about a tragic villain, Megatron makes me want to give him some marshmallows and hot cocoa right now. Its great because it captures his emotions without coming across as melodramatic and paints him in a sympathetic light without making him seem sappy or OOC. I think my favourite part of that was the ending - its so poignant, he has it all but what does he have really? He has nothing. . .

Overall, this story has got me really interested in watching the other Transformers movies because it was extremely well written and I feel like I'm missing out by not knowing the fandom. Keep up the awesome work and I look forward to reading more from you soon.

-Ciao Mate

An excellently written AU story that illustrates the melancholy of war and its aftermath. I for once sympathised with Megatron instead of hating him. Nicely done on the emotional aspect of things.

-The Faerie Hunter

I like the construction of the initial portion of the piece (before the first X-X-X-X). It acts as a sort of mini-prologue of sorts, introducing the reader to the world at-large, and the specific world you’ve created for this story. Already, I’ve been given insight into Megatron’s character, and the changes that have occurred within it over time. The word choice is expressive, and my experience with Transformers works usually winds up with an overabundance or a disregard of canon/machine terminology but I think you managed a nice balance.

Moving into the next section, I quite like the narrative style. [What was her name? Carly. That was it.] It’s not first-person, but there’s a certain amount of character imbedded in the prose. The back and forth between Megatron and Carly was handled well. No excess dialogue tags, the surrounding narrative always made it clear who was speaking.

[His growl of anger reverberated in the air but as his fist was about to crush her – he stopped.][Without another word Megatron stood, causing the earth beneath him to shake.] You do an excellent job with the description throughout this section. I instantly understand Megatron’s feelings. I feel a weight to Megatron as he moves. Each action flows into the next.

There was a sentence I felt a bit unwieldy: [Megaton stopped when he was a few feet from the bridge and he looked around himself only to pause when his optics noticed a Cybertronian Pulse Cannon lying nearby, essentially the human equivalent to a twelve-gauge shotgun.] In one sentence you have Megatron stopping, looking, pausing again, and noticing, followed by a descriptor of the cannon. Having this much information crammed into one sentence can seem like a bit much.

Jumping out of the memory and into the final section of the story, the immediate contrast between what just occurred and what things are like now does a great job of cementing the change in the mind of the reader. And that immediate shift is followed by a more gradual one in which Megatron realizes the selfishness of his actions. I believe structure and sequence are integral parts of writing a good one-shot, and I feel you’ve done well in your arrangements here.

[Everything is his, and yet nothing is.] And what a line to end on. Perfectly captures the essence of what's occurred.

-

Here are a few SPaG issues I noticed as I read:

[starting up at the sky] should this be “staring”?

[The Decepticon leader raised his clawed hand and held them in front of her face.] “clawed hand” is singular, but “them” is referring to something plural.

[All of us." Sentinel snapped.] should be a comma instead of a period.

[over the Decepticons faceplates as he kicked Sentinel] should be Decepticons’.

-

But overall, fine work. :)

I may be partly blind as I'm behind on the movies but I wanted to read this anyway!

Way to open a fic by saying that the Decepticons won the war :/ And Optimus' "painful end"...Optimus has been my favorite Transformer since I was very little so this makes me extra sad :( Even though of course Megatron would never let him live.

It's not surprising that he feels nothing—most villains are capable of total lack of emotion but I'm kinda surprised at him feeling regret. That's a conscience-type emotion usually and conscience isn't something I'd apply to Megatron. Maybe he still has a bit of it left somewhere in there after all.

That conversation he has with Carly is quite eye-opening—and she has guts mouthing off to Megatron like that.

["Any minute now, you will be nothing more than Sentinel's bitch."] – OOH good one!

Yea I definitely missed a movie in there somewhere...I had no clue Megatron killed Sam as well as Optimus. I like how you describe his murder of Sam without going into totally gruesome detail; you do it with some detail but it's just enough to point out how fragile humans are compared to the Bots. The ending fight—both parts—are also quite well written; enough detail that I can easily picture what all happens but not so overly detailed that it becomes too much. I was almost covering my eyes at a couple points as if I was watching it, I'll admit, LOL. Especially when he murdered Optimus :( it makes total sense to Optimus' character that he loses his cool when Megatron murders Sam, even tho it ends up spelling his own doom as well. It's very like him; he always was very moral and this upsets that in Optimus beyond reasonable thinking.

The ending is quite ironic, especially when you compare Megatron to a kid bored with his favorite toys: he might have conquered all the known universe but, in the end, he really has nothing after all. Everything is meaningless. I see the regret idea now where I didn't before. It's an alien notion to him but it is really all he's got left.

Excellent writing.

I have seen the Transformers trilogy, the Michael Bay verse. Also, I know of the Transformers terminology since I read so many Transformers fics lately. I'm not fuss! So I'm not fandom blind at all and I am a fan of Transformers. Just found your story through Story of the week.

Anyway, I thought all in all, the characters in Transformers are very much intact. I can't find any criticisms for there.
I really like how you portray Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons. You drew me in that Megatron, being evil for centuries and suddenly with a depth of emotions really drew me in. We all know he's a heartless Decepticon and as you said after the flashback of killing poor Sam Witwicky and Optimus Prime, (damn, that was so evil and so not expected and this story will definitely have become AU since you alter the ending like a lot!) and the fact you state that greed had driven him to the point of insanity, it was the road of loneliness that killed him to the point of regret.
I also am glad that you did mention that Megatron is Optimus's brother. While I have read many, many great novelties of Transformers and even on wiki, it's very rare for writers to state they are brothers. So kudos on that!
And the warlord Megatron actually spilled into tears and sounding out his crying? Now that's a huge surprise.
Ah, I remember the part where Carly Spencer states 'You will be Sentinel's bitch' and so being Megatron, of course he wants to be the ruler of various planets such as Earth and Cybertron.
This story is more of a drabble one shot. While it does set completely as a dark theme of gore and violence, I actually enjoyed the fighting scenes and the unexpected twist. So kudos on your hard efforts!

Already he reminds me a bit of Megamind. He won, now what? I also forgot that Megatron and Optimus Prime are brothers, so I’m glad you threw that in there. I’m glad this is based on the movies as I am mostly fandom blind when it comes to the cartoons.

I liked the tone of the piece. It’s sad and remorseful just like him. I also like how you have that scene in the movie and how you changed it. I am not surprised at all that he killed Sam just like that. I also like how he regrets what he has now. He realizes his motives were not as good as he’d claimed- and he did claim it was to save their homeworld. It’s good to see him accepting the truth of who he had been and what he had done. An interesting piece. Good job.

Nitpick:
[The only things his processors were focusing on Sentinel] forgot was in between on and Sentinel

[, essentially the human equivalent to a twelve-gauge shotgun. ] since you do not compare anything else to human standards, it seems odd for you to do so now. And he wouldn’t know that information about human equivalents anyway, I don’t think.

[human-equivalent ball of his foot] again, since this is from Megatron’s perspective, I cannot see him comparing them to humans. You could just say he pivoted.

[without waiting a moment long] longer

[The Prime cried out in pain and stumbled away from Decepticon] the Decepticon, I do believe.

Sympathy for the devil has always been a favourite trope of mine, but the challenge is in pulling it off from the "devil"'s point of view without making the character implausibly nice - I'm not sure that I "see a different side to Megatron that I like" here, but I'm not sure that liking is really what the story is about. It's a question of whether the viewpoint makes sense from the character's own perspective, without seeming arbitrarily skewed... and I think it does.

You've got the evil ruler who has finally achieved his ambitions, only to find that they have turned to dust in his grasp. You've got the antagonist who has tried to eliminate his inconvenient emotions, only to find he has lost the ability to feel all pleasure. You've got the warrior who kills his archenemy and remembers that in so doing, he has also killed his brother.

I'm not clear from this story (and not sufficiently familiar with the fandom to guess) which is the "moment of hesitation and self-doubt" in which greed took over: the moment in which he successfully seized his fate. The suggestion is that it was the moment in which he killed Optimus Prime - the moment that is central to this story - but I can't easily reconcile this to the statement that "greed was the true ruler and it always had been": what motivated him to fight the Autobots before?

There's a consistent aim at writing this from a non-human viewpoint ('helm', 'spark', 'optics', 'faceplates', 'chassis', 'vent'), but I did feel sometimes that it came across as a straight translation from the human equivalent rather than a actual robot/mechanical worldview ("take his last labouring ventilation", "his optics became moist with lubricant", "Energon soaked hands"). I'm not familiar enough with the source material to know if this is canon usage or not.

There are also a couple of places where the text appears to be explaining details to humans rather than written from Megatron's own perception. "his optics noticed a Cybertronian Pulse Cannon lying nearby, essentially the human equivalent to a twelve-gauge shotgun" - Megatron wouldn't be considering at this point how a human might think of his weapon (and what the wording is, in fact, literally saying is that the pulse cannon is a human weapon equivalent to a shotgun - presumably not the author's intention at all!) Likewise "Optimus pivoted on the human-equivalent ball of his foot" - Megatron couldn't care less
what humans call that part of an Autobot's anatomy; the question is what the Decepticon would call it, surely?

Punctuation: there are some rather odd uses of semicolons in this story. I'd normally expect a semcolon to join and/or oppose two complete clauses, e.g. "The Decepticon laughed at the foolish human; the boy had just run to his death."
Here they are being mainly used to append partial phrases which cannot stand alone ("without warning he threw his arm out; startling the girl and causing her to fall backwards", "the Decepticon fired a single shot; thus ending the Prime's existence", "the Witwicky boy screamed the Autobot leader's name as he dashed forward; ignoring the hands attempting to hold him back"), which to me reads as an error - I think that in all these cases a plain dash or comma would be more appropriate. A semicolon is not just a 'long pause', and should be deployed cautiously.

On the other hand, there are various 'run-on' sentences where clauses have been simply strung together by a succession of commas, and in these cases a semicolon would work better.
"The Decepticon continued to squeeze until several of the boy's bones snapped, he squeezed until his organs wouldn't work and his heart refused to beat and then - with a terrible laugh - Megatron dangled the limp body of Sam Witwicky for all the world to see"
"Megatron had the weapon in his hand when he rolled onto his back a second time, he struck out and drove the axe into Optimus's injured shoulder"
"Instead everyone stood frozen in shock and just watched as the life slowly dissipate from the dying mech, when at last the Autobot ceased venting there was nothing left but silence"
- all these are cases where a semicolon would be grammatically correct in place of the existing comma, and would arguably give a better effect.

"Optimus was faster than Megatron, even injured and missing an arm but Megatron had no intention of losing" - this sentence needs an extra comma after "arm". Here "even injured and missing an arm" is a little adjectival aside being inserted into the main sentence ("Optimus was faster than Megatron but Megatron had no intention of losing"), and both the start and finish of the extra phrase need to be marked out by commas - in this case, you're effectively using them as brackets. Likewise "But he wasn't anymore though, he was just a shell": "though" is being inserted into the middle of the sentence and needs a comma before it as well as after. "He wasn't anymore, though, he was just a shell."

A few typos:
"without waiting a moment long, Megatron grabbed the handle of the weapon" - "a moment longer"?
"The Prime cried out in pain and stumbled away from Decepticon" - "from the Decepticon"?
"starting up at the sky" - "staring up at the sky"
"He had been succumbed to anger and sorrow when he lost a comrade in battle" - "had succumbed"?
"A fully fledged smirk flickered over the Decepticons faceplates" - "Decepticon's"
"They two of them tumbled to the ground" - "The two of them"

"He had rejected all emotion and killed them only to be left with greed": it wasn't at all clear to me what 'them' referred to at this point (preceding paragraphs deal with greed and elapsed time rather than any plural entities that Megatron could be killing here). I'm wondering whether this is actually a typo for "He had rejected all emotions" - or whether "them" refers all the way back to the "so many" who had "fallen so that he could achieve his desires" a full fourteen paragraphs earlier, in which case this is really rather a long jump for one poor pronoun to make!

The only other paragraph I had issues with was "They[sic] two of them tumbled to the ground and everything was obscured by their frames; one of them cried out in anguish but its origins were unknown. After a moment Megatron threw Optimus off of him and slowly got to his feet." I can see that what you're trying to do here is to delay the moment of revelation for a moment so that the reader is kept in suspense as to which mech has succumbed, but it came across as too obviously manipulative and clumsy, especially the forced passive of "its origins were unknown". (And the 'of' in 'off of him' is neither necessary or desirable here.)
I'd write simply "The two of them tumbled to the ground, and for an instant everything was obscured by their frames as one of them cried out in anguish. After a moment Megatron threw off Optimus and slowly got to his feet."

I like the way you write Megatron's attitude to the humans: mere slaves, maggots, meat-bags. And the death of Sam Witwicky is genuinely shocking - Optimus Prime is supposed to come to the rescue! - yet described without any empathy on the part of the Decepticon leader: the boy really is just a meaningless pawn from Megatron's point of view. He cares about the death of Optimus; he feels nothing at all for the mangled body of Sam.

"It will be me! It will always be me!" A wonderful piece of megalomania here :-)

Effective phrases:
"the withered face of greed and the solemn expression of regret"
"Every other emotion was like water running through his claws, but regret had become a familiarity that he could have lived without"
"Nothing more was said — nothing else needed to be said."
"Megatron had fed them nothing but lies and they had eaten them up like animals scavenging for food."

The sudden switch into the present tense for the last three paragraphs - with the transition smoothed by the intervening verbless paragraph ("Well. Greed and regret"), though I don't know if that was a conscious stylistic choice! - is unorthodox but works well. The effect is to stretch out the moment reached from the 'past' of the story narration into an endless future without satisfaction or fulfilment; it has the sense of 'cursed for all eternity' about it.

. Story of the Week . . Fandom blind .

Despite fandom-blindness I think Megatron is the main antagonist, right? If so, it's a great way of exploring his character, putting him in this light- the kind of 'downfall' idea is something I enjoy reading. The relief in the war being over is well conveyed in the short sentence at the start, but the longer one after that depicts all of the loss and bloodshed gives the everlasting traumatic effect of said war. I like that, like you said, you've given Megatron a more human touch. Whilst emotions still feel like distant memories to him, one that has lingered is regret, and it's almost like he's becoming human in a sense. I like how the Deception finds peace and calmness in the slightest of things, like the setting sun, as well. The way he's hiding in the flashback makes me wonder if he feels like he's lost the battle, or maybe if he isn't as violent as the opposing side, and there's a sense of danger in that too- if he doesn't come out, he'll lose! Your portrayal of Megatron's unbelievable dominance and hatred is frightening; although he let the woman talk, I assumed he'd just crush her right away. I found it shocking when Deception stopped when he /was/ about to crush her, however- I like that he seemed shocked/worried when she saw he wasn't a leader anymore; to me, it seemed like Megatron didn't like knowing that he'd lost his status. The way he won't let go is great characterisation, since I love it when an antagonist just can't takr his downfall. The woman seems very brave to be able to talk back to a huge robot like that; that excited me, since it made me visualise the unbelievable image of a woman shouting back at some huge robot that could kill her quickly. Your pacing during the battle, and the comparisons with human equivalents of the weapons, gave a great insight into the devastating power of the participants. You've given Megatron a very sickening villainous quality, especially in the way that he dangles the boy he killed for everyone to see like it's his trophy or something- and I like it! You've done well to make your villain intimidating. I think the reminiscent tone in the second paragraph is very powerful, since it seems like he has everything, but he still feels empty, and also remorseful, now that he's left his greatest flaw of greed overcome him. Whilst the contrasting sentences like the last sentence of the story can sometimes come across a bit awkwardly, 'Everything is his, and yet nothing is' makes a lot of sense here, because he's got everything, but why does he feel like he has nothing? Lovely work!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Critique/suggestions :)
. (Starting up at the sky) should be 'staring' :).
. (Deceptions faceplates) [Marys hat] [Johns scarf] This is incorrect, because there’s no possession apostrophe here. The possession apostrophe shows that they ‘possess’ the object after it. Normally, you would put it just before the S:
[Mary’s hat] [John’s scarf] [The dog’s tail] [The cat’s paw] [ The dragon’s flame]
When the word ends in S, then you can choose to put it at the end of the word, or you can add another S after the apostrophe:
[ Thomas’ hair][ Linus’s nose]
When it comes to a plural that ends in S, you put the apostrophe on the end.
[Dogs’ tails] [Cats’ paws] [Crocodiles’ jaws]
When the plural does not end in S, you would do it the same as you would for its singular.
[The sheep’s lambs] Singular. The plural version is exactly the same: [The sheep’s lambs]

. (...All of us." Sentinel)
[“This is my dog.”] – A regular line of dialogue on its own.
When you use Dialogue Tags: Replace full stop/period with a comma: [“This is my dog,” she said.]
Dialogue tags describe how something is said. Examples: said, asked, snapped, shouted, bellowed, yelled, screamed, whispered. I personally advise against using ‘spoke’, ‘commented’ and ‘stated’ since ‘said’ is a quicker alternative to those. You don’t need to capitalise the first word of a dialogue tag, unless it starts with a name, or anything else that would normally need capitalising.
Examples: [“This is my dog,” I said.] [“This is my dog,” he said.] [“This is my dog,” Jim said.]
The ‘I’ and the proper noun Jim need capitalising, but the ‘he’ doesn’t. In conclusion:
- [“This is right.” He said. ]
- [“This is right,” He said.]
- [“This is right.” he said.] These are incorrect examples.
- [“This is right,” he said.] This one is correct. : )
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Nice job! Very deserving as a Reviews Lounge, Too Story of the Week. :) Keep it up!

Oh, this is an interesting piece!

I love the way you've tackled this AU, focusing mainly on Megatron instead of the large scale, universe-wide consequences of the Decepticon victory.

I think you've handled Megatron really well, with the way he slowly realises that in killing Optimus and denying himself the one Transformer who was a true opponent, he's also ripped away some important part of himself that he wasn't aware that he had.

I think the flashbacks have also been handled rather well, along with the actual description of the fights. The scene with Sam's murder is jarring and shocking, which is brilliant to see in the context of this fic.

I like the way that you've chosen to end this - for all that Megatron's aware of the fact that he was wrong and he's lost far more than he's gained, he's not going to change. His essential character dynamic stays the same, even through his journey of self-realisation, and I think that's wonderful. Idealistic endings don't always happen in real life, and I think that comes across wonderfully.

This was lovely - well done! :)

I like that you’ve written a what-if Megatron killed Optimus Prime AU!

The opening was to the point and eye-catching, and I think you moved very smoothly from explaining the end of the war, to Megatron’s thoughts and regrets, especially with this line:

/But above everything, the worst memory was the silence that had resounded in the air as he watched Optimus take his last labouring ventilation. And that silence had cut him deeper than words ever would. /

I think the section with Sam characterizes both of the mechabots well.

/but Sam was an innocent too and Optimus couldn't just let him die. /

Optimus is idealistic and kind, and Megatron has a sadistic side (evident in both the way that he kills Sam, and the choice that he gives Optimus), and sees the humans as not mattering.

This was an interesting read, and I liked getting a look at Megatron's thoughts on what he had done. Nice work!

Excellent quote to start this piece with.
I love how in depth you went exploring Megatron’s character. Great job portraying the other characters through his worldview while keeping them true to themselves.
This was dark, graphic, and believable.
Well done.

Nitpicking-
“While it was confusing-” if that were mine, I’d change it to “while it was confusing to others” or “while it should have been confusing.”

“He didn’t feel anymore” is a bit confusing coming right after “he felt nothing else.” Which is it? Does he feel nothing or regret? Given what follows, I’d take out the sentence that says “He didn’t feel anymore- he hadn’t for years now.”

If this were mine, I would take out the part that says “he was the only one permitted to end Optimus’ life.” I would do this because later you say “Megatron was the only one permitted to end the Autobot leader’s life.”

You have a tendency to not include commas after introductory adverbs ("However what haunted him the most," for example), and there are some other minor errors ("raised his clawed hand and held them," "a new found determination," etc.), but none of it detracted much from the narrative.
However, everything else about the story was well-done. The flashback was perfectly placed, the introspection was short and meaningful, and you didn't go for a title-drop. The second-to-last sentence before the flashback was particularly powerful. Even though you used the Transformers' words for things (vorns, spark, etc.) and I'm completely unfamiliar with the fandom, I could follow your meaning with ease.

As a disclaimer, my only memories of Transformers are from when I was a kid more than 20 years ago; I haven't seen any recent cartoons or movies.

I really like your A/N... I'm glad to find someone who's ok with saying, "hey, I wrote this and I am proud of it" instead of kicking the ground and muttering about it being crap :)

This is a really nicely-written little one-shot with some excellent character moments and some seriously smooth prose. You do have a bit of a tendency to work those semi-colons, but I'm a massive fan of them too, so I can hardly criticise :) I also like the way you isolate important phrases like "Megatron didn't feel anymore."

Stylistically, there was only one persistent error I caught, and that was regarding dialogue and punctuation. Your dialogue doesn't end with punctuation where it should; either a comma for a dialogue tag ["All of us," Sentinel snapped] or a period for an action tag. [The Autobot glared at him. "Time to find out."]

"Optimus cried out..." I love the simplicity and isolation of this line.

"Everything he had done..." this line should be punctuated thus (or near abouts): ["Everything he had done - what he was still doing - had been for greed; and in that time, greed consumed him. It had twisted his spark...]

Strong ending (though I'd consider a comma after "everything is his") and very much enjoyed x

I grew up with the 80s era Transformers and loved the movies mostly (a few annoyances in the plot but I overlooked them and enjoyed the movies as best as I could). On a whole, I loved the story and thought that you changed up Megatron's character nicely. You fleshed him out and built some depth, making him less of a mech ass and more of a mech striving to stave off extinction of his race. Excellent job on that. Also, while there are some minor edits (at the bottom I highlight a few) needed to be made, on the whole I found your writing style to be nice and easy to read. The vocal tone you take fits your story and the cadence and rhythm keeps the flow moving smoothly. Wonderful job.

A few lines I wanna highlight because I really loved them:

((For many years his existence had been a barren wasteland that was void of emotion;))-absolutely brilliant line that sums up how desperation can leave us empty and feeling hollow. The war on Cybertron took its toll on both sides and obviously caused untold psychological damage. I also love how you represent Decepticons and Autobots as 'sentinent beings' with human-like emotions, wants, and needs. You don't lump them into being just a group of "robots".

(( Megatron detested humans – they were lower than maggots and not worthy to kiss the ground he walked on))-just a perfect example of Megatron here. Excellent rendering.

((He wasn't anymore though. He is a shell, a copy of the once proud Cybertronian race.))-I love the switch up, going from bad ass Megatron to a more introspective and emotionally charged Megatron.

((Everything is his and yet nothing is.))-Just a brilliant line that absolutely represents that no matter if you win a war, you can still be left with nothing.

((The once beautiful utopia was looking dilapidated and run down; even with the human slaves working diligently under the gaze of their Decepticon masters. Debris still littered the streets and continued to crumble around them; it would take a number of vorns before it was restored to its former glory.))-excellent imagery. I can see the destruction and devastation of his home world easily.

A couple of minor critiques:

((She reached to top of the ruble))- you have a smoothing and minor spelling error here that needs some fixing. The line should read something like this: (She reached the top of the rubble.)

((startling the girl and causing her to fall backwards.))-you insinuate the off her feet part by saying she falls backwards so you can delete that out to make the line even stronger. Just my opinion however.

((Sentinel raiseed))-spelling issue here- raiseed should be raised. Just a minor correction obviously.

((Time to find out"))-punctuation issue (needs a period). I've noticed a few missing periods so my suggestion is to make a quick run through and fix those.

((back and aimed))- just delete the he and the line is perfect.

((The whispered reverberated in his processors))-I think you missed putting in a word here ((words perhaps?)).

I see nothing major that needs fixing here. You have no plot holes or character issues, there are no issues with continuity or keeping it true to the fandom. Everything I have listed is but a minor edit.

Again, I loved the story. I thought it was awesome and commend you for creating something that is so amazing! Great job!

Wow. That first part is just... It's gripping. I can't believe you can bring that much emotion when dealing with Megatron. It's a great way to look at how he views the world when there's nothing left to fight. His drive and passion is gone now that there's no war or battles left. I thought you brought that across wonderfully. I loved how you went over the ending scene and changed the last parts to fit this. It worked out quite nicely. It was also a quick read and flowed nicely. I loved how you summed everything up in the end. I thought that was nicely done. He achieved everything he set out to do and yet he feels empty because everyone is now gone. I love how you created this world that's falling down around him. His whole life is nothing but a lie. Wonderful job.

A few things:
"Sentinel raiseed his"-double e typo here :)
There were also several places where you switched tense. It went from present to past in a sentence and that made for some parts having to be read a few times because it jarred it.

Overall, this was a very nice read. Wonderful job. I really enjoyed this.